Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Dubzaron Session 82: The Battle for Muppetlantis (more thoughts on class grading)

TimeKeeping

This session was played on 11/23/22 using one day for adventuring and one day of rest. Actions can be taken again on 11/25/22.

Participating PCs

Baldwinning (Lawful L1 Cleric Crusader)[E]

BriarWhisper (Lawful L8 Elven Ranger)[E]

Daria (Lawful L7 BladeDancer)[E]

Hanzo (Neutral L1 Thief, Tombraider)[E]

HollyFelled (Neutral L2 Elven Nightblade)[S]

Xanthos (Lawful L7 Cleric, Mendicant)[E]

Hench: HollyFelled: 2 Level 0 men.  Daria: Roc Hudson (a giant roc) and Floyd Pepper (animal trainer specialist)

BriarWhisper Hench: SureLeaf Spellsword/5[E], MoonWeaver spellsword/5[E], SunDancer spellsword/5[E], Brightthistle spellsword/2, Snapdragon spellsword/2, Brightelm spellsword/2, Surefoot horse/4, Thistlemane horse/2, Thunderhoof horse/2, Shadowfeather owl/2, Moonwing owl/1,Bright eye/1

Foreword

This session happened during Muppet November in the Dubzaron Campaign setting. "What is Muppet November" you ask? Well it's where every biped in the campaign world woke up one day and they were a muppet version of themselves. "Dubs I have questions... firstly, why?" Well I can now reveal why this happened since it would be common knowledge in the world by this point.  


Vince McMaximus is now a good guy! He had a full heel to face turn. Seems impossible the guy who has been running the underworld and black market in Dubzaron and who led the evil forces of Eddie in Brovenloft could turn Lawful (Good). But nothing is impossible with Wish!

Of course, monkey paw style backfires are also possible with Wish. It was quite an Ask to use Wish and have Vince not only change to opposite alignment but also become human. He was a demon boar with the ability to appear human, before! 

So to change him human the monkey paw backfire was based on those goofy memes you see only where they ask "what film would you like to see with all the characters as muppets except one? And who would the one human actor be?" 

Well Dubzaron became a muppet film where every character was a muppet except Vince McMaximus (based of course on Vince McMahon). The whole idea made me laugh so the Wish went off and Vince was a good human but the rest of the campaign suffered the muppety consequences. 

Some players were annoyed. Some were excited and laughing like hell. And Jeffro was sniping on the twitters about "dubs used to call MY campaign too gonzo". 

So keep in mind as you read the session report that every PC, orc, goblin, and anything that walks on two legs is a Muppet. Somewhere Vince was walking around towering over them all.

Session Report

The PCs gathered at Fort Apache in the New Badlands with a bunch of cavalry troops and like a gazillion hench elves. During downtime one (or a few?) of the players did some Lair hunting near the fort to eventually clear the land and expand Gaius's territory into it. During this like 3 crazy lairs generated, hitting on the same 6 mile hex. Myself and the player involved ruled this might be a dungeon complex. The lairs were 4 purple dragons, some wraiths or something, and another big bad I can't recall.

As the session went forward I tried to imagine what this place could look like or be. I tossed the idea out to the players like "ok what's here? Why is it so big and sprawling?" A couple seasons back Drakon Drained The Swamp(TM) thus creating "The New Badlands" where this strange point of interest resided. One player suggested this complex was beneath the muck and water, hidden until the swamp was drained. That made us all think of Atlantis. But it's Muppet November so it became Muppetalantis. And just like that, with a couple suggestions and some workshopping with players and DMs, we created a Megadungeon that I'm extremely pumped to run in the future. Muppetlantis!

While Muppet November was scheduled to end in November, Muppetlantis is a weirding place where the Muppet curse (or blessing, depending on your view) remains. Some time before in a different age the muppetlanteans became too prideful. Their technology spat on the faces of the gods themselves! The Lawful gods were angry at their Muppety pride but the Chthonic (evil) gods the muppetlanteans now worshiped refused to protect them because they had also become annoyed by the muppetlanteans constant showtune singing. 

So they were buried beneath the rains and swamp, frozen in time until the swamp waters were removed. Deep in Muppetlantis is a cursed sinkhole where Marley and Marley scour for souls to eat and losers to heckle. But brave adventurers might delve into the technological ruin of Muppetlantis for spaceship parts, dylithium crystals, lazer rifles and the like. Is it worth the risk? Lets find out.

The Lair the players set their targets on during this session was one with 4 evil purple dragons. Some time after Muppetlantis was revealed these dragons came, pulled by the evil magnetism of the cursed Marley and Marley sinkhole. They claimed the massive glass and chrome entry hallways and rooms of Muppetlantis.

As per my house rules it was generated they were being served by a beastmen village, in this case hobgoblins (randomly rolled). The dragons commanded the muppethobs to hold the wall against any intruders of their new Muppetlantis lair.

The PCs had many companies of cavalry and infantry on loan from Gaius's Fort Apache. You may notice many of the original PCs came back for this session looking for a big score of 4 dragon hoardes and the promise of leading armies into battle against great odds. 

The party and their host approached the altantean style techno walls which were manned by muppet gnolls. I started to say one of the dragon launched a fireball at the Party's troops but got some pushback of "why no initiative?" and things like that. I recanted the "surprise" fireball and decided we'd go into mass combat. This is the weird sort of transitional gray area a DM needs to consider when dealing with a shift from DND style skirmish combat to Mass Combat which is troop focused.  Jeffro will quote this part of my session report to gloat about how I should just "scale up" and "no one runs ACKS Domains at War" or something.

For Mass Combat I decided to use the middle difficulty style which ACKS has. There is a very simple abstracted Mass Combat from Domains At War:Campaigns which translates eveything into Battle Rating (BR) and this BR attacks are rolled and applied simultaneously. With this smaller strategies like which buff spell to use or positioning on field are not important.

ACKS also has a full on hex and chit wargame in Domains At War: Battles which we've yet to use for anything. I will on day! Tonight the "Medium Difficulty" was used which still doesn't use hex field positioning and abstracts army attacks. But it also has the armies go through various Phases of Missile (archers etc), then Skirmish (Light Cavalry and Light Infantry), and Melee (everything). As the armies close the distance in Theater of the Mind (TOTM), various units become usable. This also limits the Heroic Forays PCs can be apart of. If they attach themselves to a unit as a General or something and that unit is in Missile Phase, then that PC can only do a Heroic Foray when the Missile troops are being used. 

This is what happened in the first Heroic Foray wherein Daria (welcome back!) was teamed up with some of Briar's elves, including Sureleaf (link to Arganos session here). The elves used sleep and fireballs or something (iirc) to kill a bunch of muppet gnolls while Daria waded in and sliced through a bunch as well. The dragons were not part of the Foray since they were too scared to position themselves as Missile units (flyers can do this). Daria and the elves were slicing through the hobs until the gnoll champions and subchiefs were able to close the distance with the elves and take some down. I don't remember all the details. Eventually, however, Daria and some of hte elves fell. The good guys did squeak out a win of the Heroic Foray with only Moonleaf so they were able to secure the good guys' bodies and try to heal them and such as the Mass Combat raged on.

By the end of the Foray and the first Mass Combat roll, all the hobgoblins were dead. General Xanthos ordered his army to Advance and soon the Skirmish units were going at it. The dragons, who were positioned as Skirmishers, forced a Heroic Foray where 2 of them (an Adult and Mature Adult) attacked just about every good guy skirmisher on the field. Xanthos, Baldwinning, and Hollyfelled (iirc) were part of this Heroic Foray.

The dragons were very effective and I don't believe the PCs or troops even laid one attack on them. The main strategy used was a dragon with a Fear Aura flying over the entire 45 or so troops the PCS had at their disposal in the Foray and scaring them enough for them to run away. So it ended up being just the dragons VS the PCs. The PCs didn't have much in the way of Missile Attacks so the PCs decided "Run Away" was the best strategy. Xanthos fell and Baldwinning bravely pulled him out of the combat. Things were looking bad for the good guys as most all of their troops were dead or fleeing the battlefield from the magic dragon fear. 

it's me, blind pew!
But lets slow down and talk about the thief, Hanzo. The player realized that he would be unlikely to get a good class grade if he just stood by and watched a mass combat. It's just not really what thieves do. It's not that he'd get the WORST grade but he certainly wouldn't be able to achieve the BEST grade. So during all the mass combat madness he decided to sneak around the whole army battle and go inside Muppetlantis and see if he could secure a bag or two. Inside he passed under a large arch with "Welcome to Muppetlantis" in neon letters and traveled down a 20' wide hallway the dragons were using to enter and exit their lairs.

Now this was a bit difficult to adjudicate since here I am in the middle of (poorly) running an extremely complicated mass combat thing and the thief wants to essentially dungeon delve at the same time. That's what this type of gaming is about, though. I introduced class grades the PC wants to try and fulfill their Class Role. So what's a DM to do? 

I don't have time to go grab a module and say "this is muppetlantis and its maps and room contents". I don't have the mental energy to just make it up on the fly. Remember, we just invented this megadungeon and its theme at the start of the session itself. But what I do have is a 1e DMG and it's amazing random dungeon generator Appendix A!

I determined the dragons would need 20' wide hallways to get in and out of the place. I determined it would need some distance so the PCs wouldn't have been able to see inside from their vantage point outside. So I made 60' long and 20' wide muppetlantean hallway with no clue what was at the end and then I started rolling on Appendix A as Hanzo explored.

This hallway went into the place at least 100 feet before coming to a T intersection. Unfortunately for Hanzo this is when I rolled a random encounter hit and he failed on his sneaking. I checked the DMG in AppendixA and some weird monster hit that I've never heard of. I didn't have time to go find my 1e Monster Manual and Fiend Folio so I flipped to the back of DMG where it has the AC, HD etc for all the monsters on its charts. Turns out this creature has psionics. How to do psionics in ACKS? Charm Person spell ability!

So I decided the closest thing to a weird mind control monster in Muppetlantis would be Blind Pew from "Muppet Treasure Island" fame. So here came my stupid french accent.

I rolled Reaction Check and Blind Pew was Friendly towards Hanzo. He informed the thief he was a servant of the dragons and one of his jobs was to assure enough vinegar to pickle the people the dragons liked to eat. Hanzo is now obsessed with bringing vinegar to Muppetlantis for his new best pal Blind Pew. Everything else that happened between the thief and muppet is unclear to the other party members but Hanzo came out of the dungeon with a nice Magic Short Sword which Blind Pew gave him. I can't imagine what could possibly go wrong. 

Back at the mass combat Briar had taken over as general since Xanthos was down. The army was mostly trying to flee the field and Briar was doing opposed Strategy rolls vs the dragons to try and disengage. He failed one of the checks which actually turned out to have been a saving grace since it allowed Briar to do a Heroic Foray with his Dragon Slaying arrows, which is what he had been trying to position himself to do all along; but the Medium Difficulty mass combat rules had him (or others?) mixed up a bit and they couldn't quite get Briar where they wanted and when. Briar won initiative and, having drank speed potion, 2 shotted 2 dragons with dragon slaying arrows and they died. The good guys won the day!

At this point the players were trying to decide what to do. They had some major PCs down and hurt and unable to go on. But they wanted to gather up the dragon lair treasures they assumed weren't too deep inside the dungeon ahead. So Baldwinning grabbed a Miracle scroll of Xanthos's flailing near dead body and called on the deity Turas to "completely heal all the hurt/dead compatriots in the field". Turas thought that was pretty cool and gave Baldwinning a thumbs up. But he also gave the cleric a Quest to go "help out Vince McMaximus with 1 Lawful job he deems you to do". Seems weird but ok?

The hurt/dead party members magically stood back up and they delved into the dungeon leaving their cavalry to watch the door. It didn't take too deep into the dungeon for them to come across Hanzo who pointed out where the dragon lairs were, with big piles of gold and the like. Hanzo was cagey about what he had seen and only mentioned Blind Pew in passing. 

I've forgotten to mention through this whole session report that Kortes the Explorer, a PC of I think level 5 or 6, was captured by these dragons during downtime. That was another of the reasons the PCs were interesting in claiming the place. They were hoping to save the Explorer and their friend. Sadly they found parts of his dead body pickled in large jars for the dragons to enjoy as a snack later.

The party and their mercs grabbed everything up from the stacked dragon hordes and went back to Fort Apache and we wrapped. 

Grading Thoughts

Best to worst grades: E, S, F, P

Baldwinning the Cleric risked his life to try and save Xanthos's fallen body from the Foray against the Dragons. I'd say that aligns with his Alignment and "uses all healing spells" as per Gygax's cleric grade conception so E. 

BriarWhisper's grading criteria is a bit less clear, being a class not in 1e. But since 1e Ranger is a subclass of 1e Fighter I'd say "be bold etc" works fine. Briar was bold and had no moments of trying to save his own skin so E.

Daria additionally is a weird class being a Cleric but a fighting cleric so the "be bold" criteria might apply as much or more than cleric's "use all healing spells". She was certainly bold so E. 

Hanzo was quintessential thief, hanging his companions out to dry to try and score something for himself. Also being a Tomb Raider as per his ACKS class Template, he most certainly raided a tomb. So E. HollyFelled is an elven nightblade which is an assassin/mage. I didn't see cowardice (a good thing for thief grading) and the mission itself (mass combat) wasn't very thiefy so S. Xanthos got E as usual primarily for seeking and destroying evil dragons and for using every healing spell he could.

DM Self Grade!

Best to worst grades: A, B, C, D, F 

I wasn't super creative on harnessing the Muppet November concepts to make for an interesting session at first. I started out slow mentally and creatively, even forgetting to mention every one's a damn muppet at all! Thankfully the Players helped spur on creativity when I asked what this dungeon could be and said it was sunken beneath the swamp. Then that turned into Muppet Atlantis (Muppetlantis) and the whole Blind Pew stuff. The only failing on this part was my forgetting about Hanzo and Blind Pew for too long and not going back to that scene more. A new interesting mega (kilo?) dungeon and a fun new NPC means creatively it all came out solid by the end. Mechanics wise was much worse. Getting bullied into pulling back on the dragon fireball was meh. Should have either stood my ground or have more clarity on said rules. After hearing my thoughts on this a player said I made a good call because they should also get to missile fire or something. But players always like rulings that favor them so I take that with a pound of salt. 

Additionally I should have ran reaction checks at least to see if the dragons kept pursuing at the end. I had already ruled at least 2 of the dragons were super smart and they may have thought better than trying to pursue an elven ranger in missile phase (where they'd be at a major disadvantage). Gygax states that really smart NPCs can be played to basically know what the DM knows and I had a pretty good inkling Briar was ready to off my monsters with magic arrows. Overall the execution of the Medium Difficulty Mass Combat was a bit clumsy. Much room for improvement. DM Grade: D

Deceased

Dama (L1 Venturer) played by RR.  Current total xp: 75. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Darius LeVay (L1 Assassin) played by JB. Current Total XP:451. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Donald the Guardsman (L1 Fighter) played by MP. Current Total XP:570. DECEASED. Intra-party justice in Session 3.

Felix (L1 Thief) played by Nicholas. Current Total XP:431. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Hektor (L1 Paladin) played by Moai. DECEASED. Cause of Death: goblin warg rider throat removal surgery in Session 2

Leonidas the Inquisitor (L1 Cleric) played by RR.Current Total XP:498  DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Mard the Mage (L1 Mage) played by Nicholas. DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Yolo Baggins "My friends call me Swaggins" (L1 Gnomish Trickster) played by J. DECEASED. Paralyzed and eaten by ghouls in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Jack Filcher (L1 Thief) played by C. DECEASED. Shot full of arrows by Inthorn's brigands in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Swoleous Maximus (L1 Paladin). DECEASED. Captured then drawn and quartered by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Damianus (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Captured and beheaded by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Bucky (L1 Barbarian). DECEASED. Became a illegal pit fighter during his downtime. Had two bouts to the death, winning the first and losing the second. Was killed by Young Jack Sparrow who sashayed into the ring, drank rum, and mogged on Bucky before putting a dagger into his ribs, killing him. This happened during downtime between Session 17 and 18.

Broll Wolf-Eater (L1 Barbarian). Current total XP: 1079. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Brother Franklin (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Decapitated by a mad cultist of a Lovecraftian slime thing in Session 19.

Felix the Elder (L1 Bard). Total XP 825. DECEASED. Captured by mad cultists and fed to a Lovecraftian slime monster in Session 19.

Templar Flavius Africanus (L1 Cleric). Total XP 7. Killed by the claws and beak of mad harpies in Session 19.

Xendi (L1 Explorer). Total XP 6. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Yllmeeton (L3 Shaman). Total XP 4,563. Bludgeoned by the corpse of a bowmen by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Longinus (L2 Assassin). Total XP 2,036. Had his face ripped off by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Mandonio (L3 Fighter). Total XP 4,779. Charred to a leprous crisp by diseased Dragon breath in Session 22.

Corydon (L1 Joker). Total XP: 0. Burnt to a crisp by chimera breath so thoroughly his corpse wasn't even fit for the crows. Died with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. that's life and as funny as it seems... some people get their kicks, stomping on a dream... In Session 25.

Donny Keebler (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP 2,238. Had his legs burned completely off by chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Marina (L2 Fighter). Total XP: 2,204. Burnt into ash by a chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Gundro (L2 Gnomish Trickster). Total XP: 2,575. Had his mouth and tongue bitten off by a lizardman ambusher in the dank sewers below Cyfaraun in Session 26.

Polydoros (L1 Fighter). Total XP: 0. Had his legs ripped off and eaten by Akira monsters in the dark canopy of the Viaspen Forest in Session 28.

Odrum (L1 Explorer). Total XP: 287. Javelin to the heart from the hands of weird vine goblins hidden in the walls of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Garvin the Nutless Wonder (L1 Mage). Total XP: 0. Fell off the side of Ferigno's lair 20 feet to his death in Session 30.

Blackmoon (L1 Assassin). Total XP: 768. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while stealing treasure from Ferigno's dragon horde in Session 30.

Xanthus (L2 Cleric). Total XP: 2,364. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while hanging out on the roof of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Lord Zyklon (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP: 0. LORD ZYKLON DISEMBOWLED LORD ZYKLON upon finding himself on the losing side of the Desolation of Turos Tem.

Turin (L1 Cleric). Total XP: 0. Eaten by Wargs in Session 32.

Rat Face (L2 Thief) Total XP: 1,577. Seemingly grabbed in the dark by a Xenomorph in Session 36. In a sinkhole your party can hear you scream! 

Smarticus (L1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Captured by a Xenomorph in Session 36 for all the party to witness. Taken deep into a sinkhole.

Hearticus (L1 Cleric) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 after projectile vomiting all over himself from the stink of sewer sludge.

Mickey Mouser (L1 Thief) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 in the happiest place on earth: the Cyfaraun sewer!

Aenes (Level 1 Paladin) Total XP: 62. Swarmed by giant flies in the sewer beneath Cyfaraun in Session 40.

Acianus (Level 1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Chopped to pieces in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue from behind and quickly forgotten about by his compatriots who saved MadEye and lamented Hardar instead. But I'll never forget you Acinanu nanu...nanite... nananaa...

Hardar (Level 2 Mage) Total XP: 2,832. Chopped up in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue as he held his Darth Vader Choking Grip spell long enough for his compatriots to escape an unwinnable battle. His dream to become the most evil being in the universe suffers eternally the indignity of being remembered for self sacrifice and laying his life down for his friends.

Nubbs (Level 3 Thief) Total XP: 4,017. Swarmed by scarabs which bored into his ears and brain in Session 45.

Grummz (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultgard) Total XP: 0. Ripped limb from limb by a throng of skeletons and their undead golem leaders in Session 46.

Grommzs (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultguard) Total XP: 2,168. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in session 48

Rapunzel (Level 4 Priestess) Total XP: 11,540. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in Session 48.

Schizo (Level 1 Mage): Total XP: 0. Frozen to death by an assassin's guild ruffian bard wielding a Wand of Cold in session 54.

Marteen (Level 1 Thief): Total XP: 0. Fell to his death in Lamalla's Temple upon a pile of dragon horde gold. Corpse eaten by Sheila the Beautiful, an Ancient Blue Dragon in session 56.

Ambrose (Level 2 Cleric): Total XP: idk. Strangled to death by cursed octopi in a canoe on Lake Laman claiming the Sinister Stone of Sakkara for Law and eventual destruction in session 63.

Traiticus (Level 9 Fighter): Total XP: alot. Head split in half by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Alina (Level 7 Mage). Cut in half at her belt line by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Olgar McKenzie (Level 5ish Barbarian). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Celeste (Level 7ish Witch). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22. Said Ancient Soul caused a backfire effect and blasted Manson's face off leaving him dead in the sea foam.

Allen A'Dulles (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Cyfaraun (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Eaten by basilisks in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Tamryn (Level 1 Elven Spellsword):  Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66

Allen the Bard (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

UnNamed Venturer (Level 1 Venturer): Killed by astral demons and sucked into the vacuum of spacetime in Session 66.

Major Garland Briggs (Level 1 Explorer): Killed by the crossbow bolt of an angry thracian in a dormant (?) volcano dungeon called Queens Rest Mountain. Then his body was eaten by giant chameleons as the rest of the party made their escape in Session 73.

Autumn Leaves (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Died to lizardman crossbow bolts to the tears of her adventuring compatriots who tried to revive her after absconding with her corpse just outside Queens Rest Mountain in Session 73.

Xanthos (Level 6 Cleric): Cut down by a flaming blade by a very powerful thracian lizardman below Queens Rest Mountain in Session 74. Ressurected about two weeks later.

Stormin' Norman (Level 1 Gnomish Trickster): Captured by the lizardman tribe below Queens Rest Mountain whilst trying to use illusionist tricks to steal a magic spear. Was subsequently fed to their Giant Chameleons for being an annoying gnome in Session 74.

Kortes (Level 5ish Explorer): Captured and pickled by Blind Pew and the 4 purple dragons of Muppetlantis sometime during downtime in late October or early November.

Alexa this is so sad play "Rainbow Connection" by Kermit the Frog and the Muppets in "The Muppets Movie" original motion picture soundtrack

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

Dubzaron Session 81: Settling the New Badlands

Timekeeping

Session was played on 11/16/22. PCs adventured for 7 days and need 1 day of rest so they can take actions again on 11/25/22.

Participating PCs

Billy (L6 Explorer)(Neutral)[E]

Edelweiss (L5 Mage, Magical Scholar Template)(Neutral)[E]

MadEye (L7 Venturer, book nerd template)(Lawful)[E]

Tuck Burgidsen (L3 Barbarian, pit fighter template)(Neutral)[S]

Hench:

Edelweiss: Unnamed (L2 Dwarven Machinist, Engineer template)[S]

Tuck: Sihon (L0 human)[E]

Session Report

The PCs waited in the capital city of Dubzaron for two days for Billy and MadEye to arrive. They discussed some available hooks including saving Kortes the Explorer who was recently captured by green dragons while he was scouting out the New Badlands for Lairs for (Patron_ Legate Gaius. On 11/18/22 they left dubzaron with a few units of only cavalry mercs so they could travel fast; but they still hadn't agreed on a hook. Another hook was in the New Badlands to deal with a Chthonic cult but the PCs were worried they didn't have Xanthos or any cleric to deal with possible undead.

They traveled south past Turos Quelle and to the Fairy Forest just south of it passed mostly without incident, with the random encounter rolls being primarily animals which weren't hostile. They attempted to find some Treants MadEye was friends with in the Fairy Forest but they failed their Find Lair check. Seems the Treants, though slow, are always moving a bit. 

Heading east into the New Badlands the party traveled to a forward operating base of sorts that was being built there for Gaius and MadEye. It was being led by Gaius's henchman Lancelot. He was THE Lancelot from the Aurthurian tales. He thought Kortes was simply out scouting but upon hearing the Explorer was seemingly captured he loaned out 2 or 3 platoons of Cavalry to MadEye and the gang to "go save Kortes!"  The PCs set out the next morning with their merc numbers doubled as we tried to clean up the Order of Battle and assign commanders and Lieutenants properly. That's when I rolled FIVE vampires on random encounters.

Normally I'd just shrug and say "well it's 10 AM so there's no way the vampires can approach and attack the PCs. They must be watching them from a nearby cave. Oh well lets keep moving." But no! With the Curse Of Lamalla raging on, one of it's features is monsters normally hurt or slowed by daylight are not. The rest mists and blood rain clouds block the sun enough for said monsters! These vamps could operate with impunity. 

The Vampires' reaction was pretty bad but not auto-attack bad. First there was a baying of wolves that weren't actually there. They approached the party as red mist (gaseous form) trying to get close to surprise the party and spook them. But the party had 3 PCs who are hard to surprise and it didn't work. The head vampire revealed himself with a grin as he flew around saying all the party needed to do was pay them off and they could go on their way. The party instead chose to run off in like 8 different directions so they'd be harder to chase in a Wilderness Evasion and maybe they'd also have someone, anyone, survive! 

The head vampire took chase of MadEye and caught up with him and demanded 7,000 gp value as a bribe. MadEye, being a venturer & quite well off figured "better that than dead!" and gave the vampire a +2 shield which said monster sniffed and said held Chthonic power. He was impressed by the gift and allowed MadEye to go safely. MadEye, perhaps a bit foolishly asked for more info about the shield, being a curious cat, but the vampire was more bemused than annoyed with the line of questioning. 

Elsewhere in the New Badlands a vampire wench took chase of Billy and caught up with him intending to eat him and all of the 15 cavalry he was commanding. She succeeded in killing the brave cavalrymen by punching them off their horses and draining their life until they looked like dead wood, but Billy wielded a magic sword against her and hurt her enough that she turned to red mist and flew away.

The party eventually found themselves back to Lancelot's base but it seemed 3 more platoons of cavalry, sent off without a PC to command them during the mad scramble to flee, may have gotten killed by the other vampires. Or captured. At this point the PCs realized they didn't have enough troops to go at the green dragons who they believed to be holding Kortes. Said dragons were served by a village of gnolls and the PCs needed troops to hold them off or kill before going at the dragons (or sneaking in).

So the PCs decided to head off northwest from Fort Apache and simply look for Lairs to knock down or at least map out for Gaius (or themselves) later. MadEye retired, feeling very bummed having to part with such a lavish gift to save his skin. The party quickly found an Orc lair with a single warband which was a bunch of mud huts without a wall of any sort. PCs, finally finding a target for their units of cavalry, attacked angrily and immediately. I made a Morale check to see if the orc Chief and his champions would run a Heroic Foray (dnd combat) at the PCs rather than letting them easily sweep over his troops. But Chief Cowwork decided to instead run away. Not the best move as, with so many cavalry at their disposal, the PCs were able to easily run down the chief, his shaman, his witchdoctor, and his 5 or so champions. Sad. 

The PCs took about 30 orc prisoners back to Lancelot at Fort Apache since beastmen like ogres and hobs were being used for hard labor to build the palisade there. The amount of treasure in the small Orc village didn't knock the PCs socks off, and another player needed to log for the night, so we simply ended the session there.

Grading Thoughts

Best to worst grades: E, S, F, P

This was a weird one to grade since not much of anything actually happened as far as the standard Gygaxian grade impact pressure points. Billy was a proper explorer trying to use his navigation and escape skills to save the units he was commanding. So E. 

Edelweiss did not hold off on casting spells when the opportunity arose. She also farmed orc bodies for magical parts and was greedy about the orc witch doctor spell book. So E. 

MadEye was curious about the magic item discussion and also leaned on a financial solution to the problem. E. 

Tuck was the hardest to grade and did nothing bold so that's 1 flaw so S.

DM Self Grade!

I'm adding a new feature to my session reports where I grade myself based on school grading (A, B, C etc). 

I was not on my game on Session 81 as far as story and interesting scenes. We had long periods in Dubzaron (2 days!) which I should have given some flavor and rolled a couple of city encounters for interesting events. Additionally, I was uninspired by the random encounters that hit on the way to Lancelot's base and didn't give them any flavor or story hook for the PCs to riff off of. "Ok some hawks fly over..." is not the way a DM inspires players to greatness. Even with the Vampires I got so deep in the weeds with how to parse their reaction I didn't give them any descriptions or names. Later I tried to add that Billy's combat was with the head vamp's wench but it was too late. No description hook. 

Also I messed up mechanically in a few ways: 1. the vampires should have gotten an attack routine as the PCs tried to flee. One must be at least DOUBLE the monsters moving speed away to Wilderness Evade with no attack received. The vampires were right on top of them! 2. I shouldn't have allowed Edelweiss to use Military Strategy / Quagmire rules to scout and approach the Orc lair. Those rules are to speed up downtime play. Session play should have your standard PCs schemes and shenanigans to approach and put eyes on a Point of Interest. This leads to fun moments. Lost opportunity. DM Grade: F

Deceased

Dama (L1 Venturer) played by RR.  Current total xp: 75. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Darius LeVay (L1 Assassin) played by JB. Current Total XP:451. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Donald the Guardsman (L1 Fighter) played by MP. Current Total XP:570. DECEASED. Intra-party justice in Session 3.

Felix (L1 Thief) played by Nicholas. Current Total XP:431. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Hektor (L1 Paladin) played by Moai. DECEASED. Cause of Death: goblin warg rider throat removal surgery in Session 2

Leonidas the Inquisitor (L1 Cleric) played by RR.Current Total XP:498  DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Mard the Mage (L1 Mage) played by Nicholas. DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Yolo Baggins "My friends call me Swaggins" (L1 Gnomish Trickster) played by J. DECEASED. Paralyzed and eaten by ghouls in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Jack Filcher (L1 Thief) played by C. DECEASED. Shot full of arrows by Inthorn's brigands in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Swoleous Maximus (L1 Paladin). DECEASED. Captured then drawn and quartered by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Damianus (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Captured and beheaded by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Bucky (L1 Barbarian). DECEASED. Became a illegal pit fighter during his downtime. Had two bouts to the death, winning the first and losing the second. Was killed by Young Jack Sparrow who sashayed into the ring, drank rum, and mogged on Bucky before putting a dagger into his ribs, killing him. This happened during downtime between Session 17 and 18.

Broll Wolf-Eater (L1 Barbarian). Current total XP: 1079. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Brother Franklin (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Decapitated by a mad cultist of a Lovecraftian slime thing in Session 19.

Felix the Elder (L1 Bard). Total XP 825. DECEASED. Captured by mad cultists and fed to a Lovecraftian slime monster in Session 19.

Templar Flavius Africanus (L1 Cleric). Total XP 7. Killed by the claws and beak of mad harpies in Session 19.

Xendi (L1 Explorer). Total XP 6. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Yllmeeton (L3 Shaman). Total XP 4,563. Bludgeoned by the corpse of a bowmen by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Longinus (L2 Assassin). Total XP 2,036. Had his face ripped off by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Mandonio (L3 Fighter). Total XP 4,779. Charred to a leprous crisp by diseased Dragon breath in Session 22.

Corydon (L1 Joker). Total XP: 0. Burnt to a crisp by chimera breath so thoroughly his corpse wasn't even fit for the crows. Died with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. that's life and as funny as it seems... some people get their kicks, stomping on a dream... In Session 25.

Donny Keebler (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP 2,238. Had his legs burned completely off by chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Marina (L2 Fighter). Total XP: 2,204. Burnt into ash by a chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Gundro (L2 Gnomish Trickster). Total XP: 2,575. Had his mouth and tongue bitten off by a lizardman ambusher in the dank sewers below Cyfaraun in Session 26.

Polydoros (L1 Fighter). Total XP: 0. Had his legs ripped off and eaten by Akira monsters in the dark canopy of the Viaspen Forest in Session 28.

Odrum (L1 Explorer). Total XP: 287. Javelin to the heart from the hands of weird vine goblins hidden in the walls of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Garvin the Nutless Wonder (L1 Mage). Total XP: 0. Fell off the side of Ferigno's lair 20 feet to his death in Session 30.

Blackmoon (L1 Assassin). Total XP: 768. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while stealing treasure from Ferigno's dragon horde in Session 30.

Xanthus (L2 Cleric). Total XP: 2,364. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while hanging out on the roof of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Lord Zyklon (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP: 0. LORD ZYKLON DISEMBOWLED LORD ZYKLON upon finding himself on the losing side of the Desolation of Turos Tem.

Turin (L1 Cleric). Total XP: 0. Eaten by Wargs in Session 32.

Rat Face (L2 Thief) Total XP: 1,577. Seemingly grabbed in the dark by a Xenomorph in Session 36. In a sinkhole your party can hear you scream! 

Smarticus (L1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Captured by a Xenomorph in Session 36 for all the party to witness. Taken deep into a sinkhole.

Hearticus (L1 Cleric) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 after projectile vomiting all over himself from the stink of sewer sludge.

Mickey Mouser (L1 Thief) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 in the happiest place on earth: the Cyfaraun sewer!

Aenes (Level 1 Paladin) Total XP: 62. Swarmed by giant flies in the sewer beneath Cyfaraun in Session 40.

Acianus (Level 1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Chopped to pieces in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue from behind and quickly forgotten about by his compatriots who saved MadEye and lamented Hardar instead. But I'll never forget you Acinanu nanu...nanite... nananaa...

Hardar (Level 2 Mage) Total XP: 2,832. Chopped up in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue as he held his Darth Vader Choking Grip spell long enough for his compatriots to escape an unwinnable battle. His dream to become the most evil being in the universe suffers eternally the indignity of being remembered for self sacrifice and laying his life down for his friends.

Nubbs (Level 3 Thief) Total XP: 4,017. Swarmed by scarabs which bored into his ears and brain in Session 45.

Grummz (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultgard) Total XP: 0. Ripped limb from limb by a throng of skeletons and their undead golem leaders in Session 46.

Grommzs (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultguard) Total XP: 2,168. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in session 48

Rapunzel (Level 4 Priestess) Total XP: 11,540. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in Session 48.

Schizo (Level 1 Mage): Total XP: 0. Frozen to death by an assassin's guild ruffian bard wielding a Wand of Cold in session 54.

Marteen (Level 1 Thief): Total XP: 0. Fell to his death in Lamalla's Temple upon a pile of dragon horde gold. Corpse eaten by Sheila the Beautiful, an Ancient Blue Dragon in session 56.

Ambrose (Level 2 Cleric): Total XP: idk. Strangled to death by cursed octopi in a canoe on Lake Laman claiming the Sinister Stone of Sakkara for Law and eventual destruction in session 63.

Traiticus (Level 9 Fighter): Total XP: alot. Head split in half by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Alina (Level 7 Mage). Cut in half at her belt line by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Olgar McKenzie (Level 5ish Barbarian). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Celeste (Level 7ish Witch). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22. Said Ancient Soul caused a backfire effect and blasted Manson's face off leaving him dead in the sea foam.

Allen A'Dulles (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Cyfaraun (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Eaten by basilisks in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Tamryn (Level 1 Elven Spellsword):  Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66

Allen the Bard (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

UnNamed Venturer (Level 1 Venturer): Killed by astral demons and sucked into the vacuum of spacetime in Session 66.

Major Garland Briggs (Level 1 Explorer): Killed by the crossbow bolt of an angry thracian in a dormant (?) volcano dungeon called Queens Rest Mountain. Then his body was eaten by giant chameleons as the rest of the party made their escape in Session 73.

Autumn Leaves (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Died to lizardman crossbow bolts to the tears of her adventuring compatriots who tried to revive her after absconding with her corpse just outside Queens Rest Mountain in Session 73.

Xanthos (Level 6 Cleric): Cut down by a flaming blade by a very powerful thracian lizardman below Queens Rest Mountain in Session 74. Ressurected about two weeks later.

Stormin' Norman (Level 1 Gnomish Trickster): Captured by the lizardman tribe below Queens Rest Mountain whilst trying to use illusionist tricks to steal a magic spear. Was subsequently fed to their Giant Chameleons for being an annoying gnome in Session 74.

Alexa this is so sad play "Dracula's Wedding" by Outkast

Friday, December 2, 2022

Dubzaron Session 80: Killing a Kangsta Wrappa Fan

Timekeeping

PCs adventured for 1 day starting on 11/09/22 and need one day of rest. So they can take actions 11/11/22.

Participating PCs

Gront Coldsky (L4 Neutral Barbarian, Housecarl template)[E]

Hanzo (L1 Thief, Tomb Raider template)[E],

Hollyfelled (L1 Elven Nightblade, Duelist-for-Hire template)[S]

Proteus (L4 Mage, Soothsayer template)[S]

Tuck Burgidsen (L3 Neutral Barbarian, Pit Fighter template)[E]

Session Report

Hanzo and Hollyfelled were new PCs so the Party launched out of Dubzaron and were on hand for (Patron) Prefect Drakon's wedding to the daughter of (Patron) Jarl Kyle's daughter. It seems these two Patrons were working together to form an alliance and this wedding was the culmination of their plans for same. I can only guess what each planned to gain from such an alliance but it again proves that with 1:1 time and Patrons the macro world of a real D&D campaign is always moving.

The patrons also worked privately to do a write up of the daily events, how everything looked and such like Module Box Text I was handed prior to the session; since the wedding and party happened on the same day as Session 80. It was a nice big event for a historic session number in the Dubzaron campaign and I really appreciated it.

It set the tone for what the session would be and the party wanted to be part of it somehow, deciding that giving Drakon a wedding gift would be a good personal session goal and maybe make a name for themselves with the prefect. Read on and find out what gift they decided on...

Hanzo and Hollyfelled watched the procession and events from the crowd like so many others, noting Drakon and Kyle took special care to have tarps and pavilions set up outside so the wedding party would be out the Curse of Lamalla blood rains. Hanzo decided he wouldn't try to pickpocket the many nobles and drunks around since his ACKS template is Tomb Raider; I agreed that being a bit less sticky fingered wouldn't hurt his grade due to his template. 

Hollyfelled is a new ACKS template for us, a Duelist-For-Hire which we brainstormed and decided was an assassin duelist type whom nobles hire for duels so they themselves don't get hurt. If you're running ACK you simply must use Class Templates. Hollyfelled considered trying to get a meeting with Drakon to be his personal trainer but there was simply no way Drakon was going to meet with a random level 1 elf on his wedding day.

As the wedding proper ended the wedding party was moved to the palace and a massive party began.  Prefect Drakon was allowing any one who attended to have free food at an outside pavilion, not necessarily within access to the High Table since he's usually quite careful with his own personal security in the palace.

This party went deep into the night wherein the legacy PCs who were on the road traveling to Dubzaron (the rest on the list above) arrived in town and went straight to the party. Gront wanted to make a showing for (Patron) Jarl Kyle whose Patronage he seems to have taken on so he, Gront, can have training available as he levels up. Also Kyle ransomed Gront from the Temple of Doom lizardmen a couple weeks back so Gront may be thankful for that. Kyle was a bit busy to meet with the younger barbarian, however. Unlike Don Corleone he wasn't holding council on the day of his daughter's wedding.

Players debated what hooks or concepts to take on. Some shadier hooks were discussed which I won't place here for the PCs' privacy from prying eyes. But they eventually settled on delving the Nethercity kil-dungeon to look for a wedding gift for Drakon so they could make a big splash with their newish PCs. This dungeon hasn't been visited since session 61!

Problem is it's kind of hard to get into the Nethercity these days as Daria (PC Bladedancer level 7) owns the only known public entrance and she's notoriously difficult to work with. The party met with Xanthos to try and make an introduction.

BUT DARIA WASN'T THERE IT WAS NOT DARIA the Bladedancer. I actually, during the session, decided to make it Daria since the player had retired from the campaign until a couple days after this session. He came back to me after and informed me Daria couldn't be there because she was out at an elf fastness in the woods or something. So it seems it was some sort of Daria imposter! The PCs have taken and run with this idea in the last few weeks dreaming up their own hook for what it all means. Maybe they can unmask the imposter and Daria will reward them? So my goofy mistake has made for a more interesting game world.

The Introduction went fine but Notdaria was sure to make some insults towards the lower level PCs as she opened up the Shrine of Ianna's Nethers to let them delve into the entryroom of the Nethercity. As she walked away with Xanthos the party could hear her discussing with him which of the PCs would die first. "Probably the elf. New elves always die." 

The party descended some natural stairs and came to the guard room with like 10 heavy infantrymen inside. Their job is to hold this room from the three doors that enter into it. Two of the doors were installed by Rapunzel long ago and the third was a massive stone circular crypt door on the west wall. The party decided to leave the southern door alone since the guards stated the last PCs to adventure in this place went that way and Xanthos got level drained. The party wanted none of that. They checked the western crypt door and noted that room, a tomb of sorts with many wall graves, appeared to have been fought in and raided/looted long ago. So to the east they went whose door opened into a natural volcanic tunnel hallway. On one wall was a double bronze doors which they bypassed. Coming into the next room after a bit they found a huge hall/room cavern which ran west to east with them coming in at the north wall. They crossed this room to a double bronze doors on the other side to check it out and were attacked from their eastern flank by troglodytes who got Surpise on them. Some PCs were hurt but no one fell and the barbarians sliced the trogs to bits. 

Opening the door they found an antechamber and the they got nervous and had Hanzo check for traps as they crossed the medium room to the matching double doors on the other side. This opened into a gallery with wall graves and a crypt door on the west side. They looted the wall graves as fast as they could and found trinkets and eye coins worth about 97 gp. Meh.

Continuing down the gallery hallway there was a hallway with natural stairs ascending on the west wall and the hallway continued on ahead of them past their light. A gray ooze slimed its way down the stairs by Gront surprised the creature and decided to push the party back and avoid combat with the thing. There was discussion about trying to capture the gray ooze for Billy the Explorer to use in his Ooze Launcher Gun but they couldn't work out how they might do it. 

The Delving was going slow with the party discussing going back out of this temple complex and checking the natural volcanic caverns. But Gront decided his give the crypt door near the front of the complex a good heave. If he could open it in 3 or 4 tries, he decided, it was meant to be and they would explore that way. As per usual in the Nethercity, doors were one of the main villains confounding PCs! Well on the 3rd try Gront hoofed the crypt door open by rolling a natural 20. Nice! 

Inside was a weird sarcophagus on a dais and a shrine of sorts to Kangsta Wrappa (of #BROvenloft fame!), with a CD of his prominently displayed on the back wall away from the PCs. But between them and this apparent score was an angry looking mummy elf with lizard skin and his pet mummy baboon golem... thing. The pet had a bobblehead of Kangsta that spun around and broadcasted his beats and rhymes. The mummy's got surprise on the party but not the two barbarians. The main mummy tried to cast Bloody Flux on Tuck but failed. The barbarian felt his guts heaving up to puke out but he made his save vs death and it didn't work. I should have cast mirror image instead! The Mummy's spell repertoire wasn't amazing for combat, sadly. Though he did cast Ogre Power on himself before the party got the door open so when he smacked Gront it hurt. Hollyfelled chucked a holy water at the mummy and got a direct hit so the thing was melting... meltiiiing. With two rounds of 1d8 damage. Nice.

The combat raged with the barbarians mostly holding the front rank and getting very hurt but not quite to zero or below hit points. Proteus cast magic missile from a scroll and Hanzo laid military oil on the floor to set off in case he had to run away make a daring escape. Eventually the party downed both weird mummy creatures with a combination of holy water, magic missile, Gront's powerful magic glaive and Tuck's magical blade. 

They looted the room and found the mummy in question was Kangsta's biggest fan. They grabbed the CD from the back wall display and the Sony DISCman(tm) and Beats(tm) headphones from the mummy himself (he was vibing).

Hanzo and Hollyfelled checked out the room as the others watched behind them. They ALMOST forgot to check for treasure inside the sarcophagus and then ALMOST forgot to check for secret doors. Thankfully Hollyfelled, being an elf, is very good at finding secret compartments and found the one inside the sarcophagus which had a rolled papyrus spellbook and a bunch of scrolls inside. Proteus and Hollyfelled debated and hashed out which of them should get which as the party made their way out of the dungeon. 

This debate over scrolls has become a thing in my ACKS campaign since I've instituted the 1e AD&D rules about arcane casters getting the whole value of scrolls and spellbook XP to themselves, not sharing it with all party members. But my house rule is that the Arcane Caster(s) must claim it in session or it has no XP value to anyone at the end of session.

Proteus cast magic mouth on a rock or debris to use as an alarm system if "any non human footsteps get within 40 feet". When the party came across 3 white apes checking out the bronze door in the first room Proteus tossed it at their feet as a distraction so the party could make their escape without further combat. Both barbarians were down to like 1 or 3 hit points at this stage and the party wanted no more combat.

The guards in the entry room opened the door very quickly, I made an initiative check vs the apes to see if the guards were asleep at the wheel but weren't. So the party closed and locked the door behind them and left the Nethercity and the Shrine of Ianna's Nethers to treck back across town to gift Drakon with the Kangsta CD, DISCman, and Beats headphones. I rolled reaction to see if Drakon was delighted or offended... 11 out of 12 reaction. He loved it! He thanked the PCs but then retired from the party with his bride as the revelry continued deep into the night and then sunrise the next day. Kyle's bards took turns listening to the DISCman and were able to get the beat and melody so they started performing covers of Kangsta's "16 Inspiring diss tracks" for those party goers who intended to stay until the red sun rose. PCs were among those.

Grading Thoughts

Best to worst Grades: E, S, F, P

Hollyfelled the Elven Nightblade caught S rather than E for not really engaging with nobles and party goers in any meaningful way which we both agreed would kind of align with his template role. For the delve and such he was in his role well. 

Proteus the Mage was graded an S rather than E for being slow to bring spells to bare in the life or death combat vs the mummies. He eventually did start spell slinging but the initial balking could have got the barbarians killed. 

Everyone else received an E grade with Gront being bold (despite initially looking as though he might flee! but he was trying to set up a charge line), Tuck being similarly bold as well. 

Hanzo the Thief wasn't as sticky fingered as he might be in the dungeon but no easy opportunity for some extra scratch presented itself so a grade docking wouldn't have been appropriate. If there would have been a way to access the room during the battle to thief it up I may also have lowered his grade; but there wasn't. He was otherwise Excellent as he stayed out of melee combat and prepared an escape.

Deceased

Dama (L1 Venturer) played by RR.  Current total xp: 75. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Darius LeVay (L1 Assassin) played by JB. Current Total XP:451. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Donald the Guardsman (L1 Fighter) played by MP. Current Total XP:570. DECEASED. Intra-party justice in Session 3.

Felix (L1 Thief) played by Nicholas. Current Total XP:431. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Hektor (L1 Paladin) played by Moai. DECEASED. Cause of Death: goblin warg rider throat removal surgery in Session 2

Leonidas the Inquisitor (L1 Cleric) played by RR.Current Total XP:498  DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Mard the Mage (L1 Mage) played by Nicholas. DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Yolo Baggins "My friends call me Swaggins" (L1 Gnomish Trickster) played by J. DECEASED. Paralyzed and eaten by ghouls in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Jack Filcher (L1 Thief) played by C. DECEASED. Shot full of arrows by Inthorn's brigands in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Swoleous Maximus (L1 Paladin). DECEASED. Captured then drawn and quartered by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Damianus (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Captured and beheaded by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Bucky (L1 Barbarian). DECEASED. Became a illegal pit fighter during his downtime. Had two bouts to the death, winning the first and losing the second. Was killed by Young Jack Sparrow who sashayed into the ring, drank rum, and mogged on Bucky before putting a dagger into his ribs, killing him. This happened during downtime between Session 17 and 18.

Broll Wolf-Eater (L1 Barbarian). Current total XP: 1079. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Brother Franklin (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Decapitated by a mad cultist of a Lovecraftian slime thing in Session 19.

Felix the Elder (L1 Bard). Total XP 825. DECEASED. Captured by mad cultists and fed to a Lovecraftian slime monster in Session 19.

Templar Flavius Africanus (L1 Cleric). Total XP 7. Killed by the claws and beak of mad harpies in Session 19.

Xendi (L1 Explorer). Total XP 6. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Yllmeeton (L3 Shaman). Total XP 4,563. Bludgeoned by the corpse of a bowmen by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Longinus (L2 Assassin). Total XP 2,036. Had his face ripped off by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Mandonio (L3 Fighter). Total XP 4,779. Charred to a leprous crisp by diseased Dragon breath in Session 22.

Corydon (L1 Joker). Total XP: 0. Burnt to a crisp by chimera breath so thoroughly his corpse wasn't even fit for the crows. Died with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. that's life and as funny as it seems... some people get their kicks, stomping on a dream... In Session 25.

Donny Keebler (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP 2,238. Had his legs burned completely off by chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Marina (L2 Fighter). Total XP: 2,204. Burnt into ash by a chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Gundro (L2 Gnomish Trickster). Total XP: 2,575. Had his mouth and tongue bitten off by a lizardman ambusher in the dank sewers below Cyfaraun in Session 26.

Polydoros (L1 Fighter). Total XP: 0. Had his legs ripped off and eaten by Akira monsters in the dark canopy of the Viaspen Forest in Session 28.

Odrum (L1 Explorer). Total XP: 287. Javelin to the heart from the hands of weird vine goblins hidden in the walls of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Garvin the Nutless Wonder (L1 Mage). Total XP: 0. Fell off the side of Ferigno's lair 20 feet to his death in Session 30.

Blackmoon (L1 Assassin). Total XP: 768. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while stealing treasure from Ferigno's dragon horde in Session 30.

Xanthus (L2 Cleric). Total XP: 2,364. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while hanging out on the roof of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Lord Zyklon (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP: 0. LORD ZYKLON DISEMBOWLED LORD ZYKLON upon finding himself on the losing side of the Desolation of Turos Tem.

Turin (L1 Cleric). Total XP: 0. Eaten by Wargs in Session 32.

Rat Face (L2 Thief) Total XP: 1,577. Seemingly grabbed in the dark by a Xenomorph in Session 36. In a sinkhole your party can hear you scream! 

Smarticus (L1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Captured by a Xenomorph in Session 36 for all the party to witness. Taken deep into a sinkhole.

Hearticus (L1 Cleric) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 after projectile vomiting all over himself from the stink of sewer sludge.

Mickey Mouser (L1 Thief) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 in the happiest place on earth: the Cyfaraun sewer!

Aenes (Level 1 Paladin) Total XP: 62. Swarmed by giant flies in the sewer beneath Cyfaraun in Session 40.

Acianus (Level 1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Chopped to pieces in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue from behind and quickly forgotten about by his compatriots who saved MadEye and lamented Hardar instead. But I'll never forget you Acinanu nanu...nanite... nananaa...

Hardar (Level 2 Mage) Total XP: 2,832. Chopped up in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue as he held his Darth Vader Choking Grip spell long enough for his compatriots to escape an unwinnable battle. His dream to become the most evil being in the universe suffers eternally the indignity of being remembered for self sacrifice and laying his life down for his friends.

Nubbs (Level 3 Thief) Total XP: 4,017. Swarmed by scarabs which bored into his ears and brain in Session 45.

Grummz (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultgard) Total XP: 0. Ripped limb from limb by a throng of skeletons and their undead golem leaders in Session 46.

Grommzs (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultguard) Total XP: 2,168. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in session 48

Rapunzel (Level 4 Priestess) Total XP: 11,540. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in Session 48.

Schizo (Level 1 Mage): Total XP: 0. Frozen to death by an assassin's guild ruffian bard wielding a Wand of Cold in session 54.

Marteen (Level 1 Thief): Total XP: 0. Fell to his death in Lamalla's Temple upon a pile of dragon horde gold. Corpse eaten by Sheila the Beautiful, an Ancient Blue Dragon in session 56.

Ambrose (Level 2 Cleric): Total XP: idk. Strangled to death by cursed octopi in a canoe on Lake Laman claiming the Sinister Stone of Sakkara for Law and eventual destruction in session 63.

Traiticus (Level 9 Fighter): Total XP: alot. Head split in half by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Alina (Level 7 Mage). Cut in half at her belt line by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Olgar McKenzie (Level 5ish Barbarian). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Celeste (Level 7ish Witch). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22. Said Ancient Soul caused a backfire effect and blasted Manson's face off leaving him dead in the sea foam.

Allen A'Dulles (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Cyfaraun (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Eaten by basilisks in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Tamryn (Level 1 Elven Spellsword):  Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66

Allen the Bard (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

UnNamed Venturer (Level 1 Venturer): Killed by astral demons and sucked into the vacuum of spacetime in Session 66.

Major Garland Briggs (Level 1 Explorer): Killed by the crossbow bolt of an angry thracian in a dormant (?) volcano dungeon called Queens Rest Mountain. Then his body was eaten by giant chameleons as the rest of the party made their escape in Session 73.

Autumn Leaves (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Died to lizardman crossbow bolts to the tears of her adventuring compatriots who tried to revive her after absconding with her corpse just outside Queens Rest Mountain in Session 73.

Xanthos (Level 6 Cleric): Cut down by a flaming blade by a very powerful thracian lizardman below Queens Rest Mountain in Session 74. Ressurected about two weeks later.

Stormin' Norman (Level 1 Gnomish Trickster): Captured by the lizardman tribe below Queens Rest Mountain whilst trying to use illusionist tricks to steal a magic spear. Was subsequently fed to their Giant Chameleons for being an annoying gnome in Session 74.

Alexa this is so sad play "Relics of the Kangsta" album by Kangsta Wrappa

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Dubzaron Session 79: Vince McMaximus gets MeTooed (how to generate hooks/dungeons with Patrons)

TimeKeeping

This session was played on 11/02/22 with players adventuring for 3 days until 11/05/22 and needing rest on 11/06/22. PCs can take actions 11/07/22.


Participating PCs

Arya Sorrow (Level 1 BladeDancer) [Grade: S]

Baldwinning (Level 1 Cleric, Crusader template) [Grade: S]

Hakon (Level 1 Shaman, Runecaster template) [Grade: S]

Neutralio (Level 2 Fighter, Guard Template) [Grade: E]

Proteus (Level 4 Mage, Soothsayer Template) [Grade: E]

Henchmen

Proteus: Lykaon (L1 Fighter, Mercenary), Primus (Level 0), Secundus (Level 0), Trimus (Level 0)
Neutralio: Sophie (L1 Bladedancer)

Foreword

I'm going to break down some of the behind the scenes downtime stuff that happened and led to the hook in this session. Since the weird way in which this "story" came together is quite amazing to me.

Firstly Drakon's player, having advanced his Patron up to the high level of Prefect, has decided he will help generate hooks and world-in-motion events for Dubzaron campaign. Each week he's been making a Domain Encounter roll check similar to what Macho Mandalf does for the Trollopulous campaign in Machodor. Drakon analyzes what the encounter is, what the Reaction check is, and brainstorms (sometimes with me) what the dice are telling him. 

Recently he had an encounter that was a big lair of Gnomes and their reaction was Neutral-ish. So clearly they weren't trying to attack the Prefect. He decided the gnomes arrival on the scene would have something to do with the Curse Of Lamalla so we brainstormed up an idea that the gnomes Dug Too Deep and came across a portal to Lamalla's plane and octopus tentacles lashed out and killed a bunch of the gnomes, and there was intermittent flooding in their vault-home. So they fled the place, grabbing up as much treasure and goods as they could.

We decided the Gnomes would have copped half of their lair treasure and were offering that as a reward for anyone that could clear out the tentacles and close the evil portal. That would also allow me to explain any other treasure PCs found if they delved the place; it was the other half the gnomes couldn't grab. If you've noticed this means the PCs are taking the gnomes treasure should they cop it during a delve, you're right! Adds a nice story element.

So PCs proceeded to ignore this hook and had no interest at all. However your favorite Sports Entertainment Guru, Vince McMaximus (Patron sleazy syndicate boss, gladiator school proprietor, BROvenloft plane hopper and general) had a BROvenloft hook with the Lawful (kinda) goddess Inanna and he hoped if he could close the portal maybe she'd be impressed with his work. So he came to me and asked if HE could do the hook.

This is the first time a Patron has asked if he could tackle what I'd consider to be a session play PC hook. Because I refuse to do any prep work that will be wasted, I had done no drawing of a dungeon or the gnome's vault or the layout of their camp or anything like that. If the PCs decided they would go there in session play I was going to randomly generate the dungeon using the Random Dungeon Generator which is Appendix A in the first edition D&D Dungeon Masters Guide. 

I use this all the time when PCs throw me a curveball on where they want to go. 

So what to do when a Patron wants to handle a delve himself? Clearly I'm not going to play by post a dungeon delve that's more than a room or two. I don't have the time or interest for that. So I told Vince he could delve the dungeon and run the random generator himself. I feel this was fair since he'd have no way of knowing what's in the place since it would be getting generated randomly as he came upon the rooms and such.

I've used Appendix A in this way so I could run session play adventuring with my kids and bring a PC of my own. 

So what I did is give Vince some unique stipulations on finding the Portal and the encounters he'd meet. Firstly, all the encounters would have a sea creature template overlay. If a random encounter says "goblins" then it's instead the same stats as goblins but they're like guppy men. 

Second, each random encounter would have a 25% chance (rolled first) of being dangerous octopus arms coming from the next room, down a hallway, whatever. They'd always be hostile.

Last, the Portal could only be in a Unique room which on the Appendix A chart for rooms only hits on an 18 on a d20. So 5% chance for each room Vince comes across. THEN there was only 10% x Dungeon Level of that particular unique room being the portal portal room. So the deeper you go the more likely you'd find the portal. Also deeper = more dangerous. Vince would need to roll random encounters for travel as well. Random treasure. All that.

So I gave Vince this little mini-game to play and I told him to pause and wait when he came across the Portal room and we'd run it. So he left me alone for a couple days then came back to me and said they found it on level 2. Lucky guy! 

We ran the combat with the octopus arms coming out of the portal to the plane of elemental water and Vince killed them all. Then he realized "wait how do I close the portal and claim my prize?" Oops!

He decided holy water would be needed but he didn't have any. Oops again!

So he left the dungeon to buy some holy water in Dubzaron and come back. He informed me on 11/02/22 (the exact day of Session 79!) that he'd be going in for his second delve on that day, going straight to the portal room and tossing holy water at it. He'd get back to me if he had random encounters on the way etc etc.

Cool whatever. I forgot about it. Seems like Vince has this knocked right?

Well as usual. PCs throw a wrench in the whole affair. Read on.

Session Report

Who the h*ck are these PCs?! 

Well some of the regular PCs were trapped in TRAINING JAIL after having solid scores in recent sessions. Proteus was kind of the old salty veteran PC even though he's the second PC of Xanthos's player so he the mage doesn't get much play. So it was cool seeing him rise to the challenge and really take control of the session tone and strategy at some points. 

Neutralio is a second (or third?) PC of a player and his backstory is actually that (in his mind) Prefect Drakon (Patron) didn't pay him to pick up Stormbringer since the spaceman patron instead used a robot to do it and put it in his spaceship to toss into the sun.

The rest of that story is history. Yet there stands Neutralio without a big Drakon payout which he, Neutralio, planned to buy a mansion for his mom. So sad!

You snooze you lose, PC. Unless...

The PCs started talking on the mics about how "hey we should hit up that gnome vault hook since it's close to the city". Convenience of reaching the location was the Party's main concern. All the other hooks were so far away they didn't want to get 2nd, 3rd, or (for some players!) even 4th PCs trapped in Time Compression or training jail. 

At this point I'm muting the mic and muttering to myself "how the heck am I going to do this? Vince already found the portal. Is Vince online? Could a get a copy of his map of the dungeon?" I was freaking out. We had a weird time and story intersection with something a Patron was already on top of and the PCs wanted to go get involved. Thing is, they didn't realize Vince was involved or already started the hook. If they'd known I bet they wouldn't have tried. 

But I would never say "no pcs you can't go there because vince is there already" because that would kill player agency. So I used the concept I intended to use with Vince when he tossed the holy water in, namely that the portal would suck in every person in the party and they'd be lost forever inside the plane of elemental water if said person failed a Save Vs Paralysis. 

Additionally, so I could run my OWN random dungeon without needing access to Vinces, I decided that the Portal event also caused an earthquake and all the gnome's halls and such were caved in, reflooded, destroyed etc. Thus we could explain why my dungeon is different than Vince's. Done and done. I decided all this while the PCs were debating the hooks. That little 10 to 30 minutes of Player discussion is the perfect time to ponder what the session might actually look like based on what your players are saying they intend to do. Don't just sit there spinning your dice. Think!

Now lets get to the PCs session play.

The party left Dubzaron traveling along the road. On the first night of camp they were accosted by 2 very angry ents who seemed to be mad with the blood rain their roots had been taking in (translation: I rolled a terrible Reaction check). The treants appeared very close to the party at 20 yards so despite the party not being surprised, they would not be able to Wilderness Evade without there being a round of combat (if there were combat). The ents were open to not "break[ing] every one of the softskins in half" if the party made a tribute and buried 3,000 gp worth of valuables in the copse if trees the treants lived among where PCs had inadvertently made their camp that night. The treants were also open to allowing the "softskins" to offer gardening services for that same amount but, with each PC and hench only being worth 5 gp a day in "construction costs" as per ACKS it would take a very long time for them to garden in the amount of 3,000 gp.

Proteus was calling, didn't want to pay or garden, so he just told all the party members to "run!"

I ruled that PCs could be move to a Wilderness Evade check if they 1. beat the treants initiative or 2. did a defensive movement. If they did defensive movement they might still take attacks. Almost everyone rolled a higher initative than the treants but Neutralio, his hench Sophie and ALL of Proteus's level 0 henchmen were slower than the treants. One of the ents lurched forward and grabbed the heads of all the level 0 henchmen and squished their heads like grapes with chained cleave attacks. The other treant stepped on and killed Lykaon. Neutralio nor his hench Sophie were luckily not attacked (or got missed, I don't remember exactly) and made a fighting withdrawal. Neutralio, true to his alignment, decided to flea alone with his henchwoman and leave the somewhat slower PCs in the group to make their own retreat. The treants chased Neutralio but the Fighter succeeded on his wilderness evade, giving them the slip in the dark red mist filled night among the rolling Auran hills. 

The two split parties had no encounters during their night of hiding and evasion and both made Get Lost checks successfully and found eachother the next day.

The party trekked off the road some days later going towards where they were told the gnomes had set up to await adventurers. I made a Find Lair check for the party when they arrived and rolled a natural 20 so the PCs walked right up to the jittery gnomes. The party learned that Vince McMaximus had delved the dungeon a week previously and came out to admit he needed holy water to deal with the portal he found. He came back on 11/02/22 (the party was now a few days into the future on 11/05/22) and some hours after Vince went back inside the dungeon with his big crew and holy water, there was a massive explosion and the Gnome's vault collapsed in on itself and there was constantly ominous whooshing come from the place. At this point the PCs were talking about how they might be able to save Vince (which all admitted could be cool and maybe Vince would reward them). The gnomes offered the party 2,000 of the 4,000 gp reward if the party could find proof Vince succeeded, or was dead, or whatever. The party readily agreed.

Going into the rainbow arch into the vault (gnomes, amirite?) and came to a collapsing room with wet floors. There were hallways full of rubble going north and east. There was a fully collapsed little hallway going west. the party chose to go north and was climbing over rocks and ducking from the low gnomish ceilings. They climbed over a very large pile of rocks into a chamber where 9 guppymen ambushed them when only about half the party had finished going over the stones and entering the room, essentially splitting the party and making it difficult for them to help eachother. Neutralio got hit hard by spears but didn't fall but Sophie and Lykoan were felled during the short skirmish. After about half of the guppymen were killed Proteus used an Alter Self spell to transform himself into the visage of Lamalla. Proteous speaks Frogmen which was apparently close enough to speak with guppymen and he demanded they submit to Lamalla's will.

I made a Reaction Check for the guppymen and rolled really Friendly so they totally believed Lamalla was standing there and they prostrated and apologized for killing some of her "human servitors". They were picking and dusting Lykoan and Sophie off but Lykoan was a bloodstain on the floor. I have a dark sense of humor.

Sophie's arms were run through with spears and she reached to the Party for healing help but there was none to be had. She died. The party continued deeper into the northern part of the dungeon and pushed open a stuck door finding 5 mudcrab men who also believed Proteus was Lamalla and they swore service to her.  The crabmen and guppymen had some treasure on them which "Lamalla" demanded they turn over to "her". After exploring the northern hallway to two apparent dead ends of collapsing and flooded rooms, the party went back to the first room of the dungeon and ordered their beastmen servants to clear all the rubble from the western hallway. They trekked into the western section of the collapsing vault and found a room with the floor compeltely fallen in on the south eastern side. They set up a rope to climb down the cliff to get deeper since the guppymen told them the room Vince was in had fallen down to level 3 of the dungeon, so the PCs knew they'd have to go deeper in to find him. The guppymen claimed to know "because the portals whisper to us what's happening in the dungeon". 

Exiting the collapsed cliff room, and now on level 3 of the dungeon, the PCs found a hallway which was magically flooded up to their waists. They were moving slower but pushed forward into the dungeon and found a room with treasure chests floating on top of the water. Proteus sent the beastmen in to grab it up and they were attacked by 2 giant toads. I ruled the watery beastmen could hit the water creatures (toads) with natural attacks but not with weapons. The Curse of Lamalla makes all sea creature types immune to non-magic weapons and always hostile.

The toads were killed and no beastmen were lost. They offered the treasure to "Lamalla" who thanked them. Proteus at this point sent the beastmen away and back up to level 1 of the dungeon to chase some red herring "good cleric" he made up. He did this since his Alter Self was about to expire and he had no more spells of that level he could use today. So the party was now missing their free henchmen as they went deeper. Lucky for them they found a room with a somewhat closed portal not too much deeper trekking along level 3 of the dungeon. It was a weird purple and black pulsing portal like a lizard's eye against one wall. 

The party began to debate what they should do. Some wanted to go back to the surface and try again another day after they could heal and get spells back. But some player(s) pointed out the portal seemed to be slowly closing and might not be open much longer. Also in the room were two of Vince's henchfolk Zelda and Bruchard the barbarian. Among the room were many dead ogres and frogmen. 

While Zelda was unconcious with a Mortal Wound, Bruchard told the tale of how Vince's party tossed holy water at the portal and it closed up somewhat but not before sucking hard at all Vince's people, with most flying into the portal and not coming back out. Vince's Ogres and Frogmen did not fly in by the Frogmen apparently turned mad in service of Lamalla and killed the ogres and almost killed Zelda and Bruchard. Bruchard, for some reason, had a Mirror of Life Trapping he was hoofing around and a Wand of Magic Missiles which he let Proteus hold "just in case". The PCs pondered how to turn those resources to their advantage but didn't come up with anything actionable.

Neutralio and Baldwinning decided to enter the portal and had some rope which the party held the other end of (just DND things). On the other side of the portal the Fighter and Cleric found themselves in an infinite ocean as they had apparently crossed over into the elemental plane of water. We had to break out our recent drowning and holding your breath rules as Neutralio swam deeper into the infinite ocean looking for sign of Vince or anything really. He came upon some octopus tentacles which bid him to follow and he did, making a Save Vs Death throw successfully to allow him to swim deeper without losing his breath and drowning. 

Deep in the eternal ocean he came upon an aspect of Lamalla which looked like a woman's torso on the body of an octopus. It had Vince McMaximus all tangled up and was discussing... something... with him. In the background the PCs were private messaging with Vince who confirmed he quickly used his charming personality to get a kiss from a mermaid which allowed him to breathe in the Plane of Elemental water for a few days. He had been spending those days distracting and manosphere style gaming Lamalla into not putting a Geas on him, as all deities can as per the 1e Deities and Demigods book.

He also confirmed he did NOT want to work with Lamalla since, with only 11 Charisma, she's an uggo.

Neutralio swam up with the plan to put a looped end of the rope over Vince. I rolled a Reaction check to see if this would concern Lamalla-octopus and it didn't. (I was rolling really high Reaction checks this session).


Neutralio successfully made a Special Maneuver attack against AC 0 to loop the rope over Vince's body and gave three tugs for the PCs to PUUULLL! I ruled that one of the 3 PCs who could manage to pull the rope had to beat Lamalla-Ocotopus's own attack number and the shaman did so. Vince was pulled away from the goddess's tentacle as she screamed angrily. Neutralio swam back following the rope but failed a Save VS Death and began to drown; meaning he couldn't swim or was going to die soon. It didn't take long for Vince to pop out on the Prime Material Plane side. He quickly thanked the party and told a fast story of seducing a mermaid for a kiss to allow him to breathe underwater. I made a reaction check to see if Vince, being able to breathe underwater, would go back into the portal to Neutralio and I rolled the highest (most friendly) check so Vince dove back in and saved the Fighter. 

At this point Lamalla was angry and began to flood the dungeon profusely and shake and quake the place to collapse it. The party ran out as the halls and rooms were flooded behind them and most of the rooms fell just as they exited. One PC fell down and began to get sucked back into the dungeon by the elemental waters but Vince jumped in to save him before everyone eventually got out safetly. The gnomes were impressed and vowed to rebuild once the portals fully closed. Vince didn't ask for any of the 4000 gp reward so the party got the whole pot. They decided to stay with the gnomes in downtime to "cash out" their gold for XP right away.

Afterword

Vince was pretty bummed he lost all but one of his MANY henchmen he took into the dungeon. Zelda in particular was a big hit to the one time carnival barker. See here where Vince's right hand man (bear) Smokey the Bugbear waxes nostalgic about his time with Zelda on the Joe BROgan show. It's CRRRaaaazy. 

Grading Thoughts

Arya and Baldwinning are Lawful temple folk (Bladedancer and Cleric, respectively) who both allowed the pure evil creatures to walk without demanding they be killed or tricked into being killed. Neither also helped or demanded Lykaon and Sophie's bodies be burned and/or secured and removed from the dungeon for proper rites. Leaving a bladedancer hench's body to rot is especially egregious. So they both failed to catch E for "Excellent" or perfect grades. S is the next grade down.

Hakan the shaman failed to use an available Commune ability which likely could have helped in some way. I consider this similar to the mage grading of having spells available that could have been useful but didn't use them. If I read a book about a shaman who didn't speak to the spirits of his ancestors I'd consider it a missed pulp opportunity.  So S.

Neutralio was bold as a Fighter should be and Neutral as he is. E

Proteus the mage was extra clever with spell use and just doing mage things. his "Soothsaying" ability not being used during a session will only impact Proteus's grades if he was meh otherwise, since using it can be dangerous (making the mage insane for 1 to 9 weeks) I don't consider it the same as a "leftover spell slot" for grading penalty. Proteus seemed to use every spell he could think of to help, also. So E.

Deceased

Dama (L1 Venturer) played by RR.  Current total xp: 75. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Darius LeVay (L1 Assassin) played by JB. Current Total XP:451. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Donald the Guardsman (L1 Fighter) played by MP. Current Total XP:570. DECEASED. Intra-party justice in Session 3.

Felix (L1 Thief) played by Nicholas. Current Total XP:431. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Hektor (L1 Paladin) played by Moai. DECEASED. Cause of Death: goblin warg rider throat removal surgery in Session 2

Leonidas the Inquisitor (L1 Cleric) played by RR.Current Total XP:498  DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Mard the Mage (L1 Mage) played by Nicholas. DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Yolo Baggins "My friends call me Swaggins" (L1 Gnomish Trickster) played by J. DECEASED. Paralyzed and eaten by ghouls in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Jack Filcher (L1 Thief) played by C. DECEASED. Shot full of arrows by Inthorn's brigands in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Swoleous Maximus (L1 Paladin). DECEASED. Captured then drawn and quartered by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Damianus (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Captured and beheaded by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Bucky (L1 Barbarian). DECEASED. Became a illegal pit fighter during his downtime. Had two bouts to the death, winning the first and losing the second. Was killed by Young Jack Sparrow who sashayed into the ring, drank rum, and mogged on Bucky before putting a dagger into his ribs, killing him. This happened during downtime between Session 17 and 18.

Broll Wolf-Eater (L1 Barbarian). Current total XP: 1079. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Brother Franklin (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Decapitated by a mad cultist of a Lovecraftian slime thing in Session 19.

Felix the Elder (L1 Bard). Total XP 825. DECEASED. Captured by mad cultists and fed to a Lovecraftian slime monster in Session 19.

Templar Flavius Africanus (L1 Cleric). Total XP 7. Killed by the claws and beak of mad harpies in Session 19.

Xendi (L1 Explorer). Total XP 6. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Yllmeeton (L3 Shaman). Total XP 4,563. Bludgeoned by the corpse of a bowmen by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Longinus (L2 Assassin). Total XP 2,036. Had his face ripped off by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Mandonio (L3 Fighter). Total XP 4,779. Charred to a leprous crisp by diseased Dragon breath in Session 22.

Corydon (L1 Joker). Total XP: 0. Burnt to a crisp by chimera breath so thoroughly his corpse wasn't even fit for the crows. Died with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. that's life and as funny as it seems... some people get their kicks, stomping on a dream... In Session 25.

Donny Keebler (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP 2,238. Had his legs burned completely off by chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Marina (L2 Fighter). Total XP: 2,204. Burnt into ash by a chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Gundro (L2 Gnomish Trickster). Total XP: 2,575. Had his mouth and tongue bitten off by a lizardman ambusher in the dank sewers below Cyfaraun in Session 26.

Polydoros (L1 Fighter). Total XP: 0. Had his legs ripped off and eaten by Akira monsters in the dark canopy of the Viaspen Forest in Session 28.

Odrum (L1 Explorer). Total XP: 287. Javelin to the heart from the hands of weird vine goblins hidden in the walls of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Garvin the Nutless Wonder (L1 Mage). Total XP: 0. Fell off the side of Ferigno's lair 20 feet to his death in Session 30.

Blackmoon (L1 Assassin). Total XP: 768. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while stealing treasure from Ferigno's dragon horde in Session 30.

Xanthus (L2 Cleric). Total XP: 2,364. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while hanging out on the roof of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Lord Zyklon (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP: 0. LORD ZYKLON DISEMBOWLED LORD ZYKLON upon finding himself on the losing side of the Desolation of Turos Tem.

Turin (L1 Cleric). Total XP: 0. Eaten by Wargs in Session 32.

Rat Face (L2 Thief) Total XP: 1,577. Seemingly grabbed in the dark by a Xenomorph in Session 36. In a sinkhole your party can hear you scream! 

Smarticus (L1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Captured by a Xenomorph in Session 36 for all the party to witness. Taken deep into a sinkhole.

Hearticus (L1 Cleric) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 after projectile vomiting all over himself from the stink of sewer sludge.

Mickey Mouser (L1 Thief) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 in the happiest place on earth: the Cyfaraun sewer!

Aenes (Level 1 Paladin) Total XP: 62. Swarmed by giant flies in the sewer beneath Cyfaraun in Session 40.

Acianus (Level 1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Chopped to pieces in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue from behind and quickly forgotten about by his compatriots who saved MadEye and lamented Hardar instead. But I'll never forget you Acinanu nanu...nanite... nananaa...

Hardar (Level 2 Mage) Total XP: 2,832. Chopped up in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue as he held his Darth Vader Choking Grip spell long enough for his compatriots to escape an unwinnable battle. His dream to become the most evil being in the universe suffers eternally the indignity of being remembered for self sacrifice and laying his life down for his friends.

Nubbs (Level 3 Thief) Total XP: 4,017. Swarmed by scarabs which bored into his ears and brain in Session 45.

Grummz (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultgard) Total XP: 0. Ripped limb from limb by a throng of skeletons and their undead golem leaders in Session 46.

Grommzs (Level 1 Dwarven Vaultguard) Total XP: 2,168. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in session 48

Rapunzel (Level 4 Priestess) Total XP: 11,540. Torn to bits and eaten by trolls in Session 48.

Schizo (Level 1 Mage): Total XP: 0. Frozen to death by an assassin's guild ruffian bard wielding a Wand of Cold in session 54.

Marteen (Level 1 Thief): Total XP: 0. Fell to his death in Lamalla's Temple upon a pile of dragon horde gold. Corpse eaten by Sheila the Beautiful, an Ancient Blue Dragon in session 56.

Ambrose (Level 2 Cleric): Total XP: idk. Strangled to death by cursed octopi in a canoe on Lake Laman claiming the Sinister Stone of Sakkara for Law and eventual destruction in session 63.

Traiticus (Level 9 Fighter): Total XP: alot. Head split in half by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Alina (Level 7 Mage). Cut in half at her belt line by Froggo's bronze magic "Fren Axe" during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Olgar McKenzie (Level 5ish Barbarian). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22.

Celeste (Level 7ish Witch). Soul eaten by Stormbringer wielded by the Manson the mad assassin during Operation Muscle Thunder on 08/09/22. Said Ancient Soul caused a backfire effect and blasted Manson's face off leaving him dead in the sea foam.

Allen A'Dulles (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Cyfaraun (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Eaten by basilisks in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

Tamryn (Level 1 Elven Spellsword):  Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66

Allen the Bard (Level 1 Bard): Petrified by a basilisk in the Meniri Mountains in Session 66.

UnNamed Venturer (Level 1 Venturer): Killed by astral demons and sucked into the vacuum of spacetime in Session 66.

Major Garland Briggs (Level 1 Explorer): Killed by the crossbow bolt of an angry thracian in a dormant (?) volcano dungeon called Queens Rest Mountain. Then his body was eaten by giant chameleons as the rest of the party made their escape in Session 73.

Autumn Leaves (Level 1 Elven Spellsword): Died to lizardman crossbow bolts to the tears of her adventuring compatriots who tried to revive her after absconding with her corpse just outside Queens Rest Mountain in Session 73.

Xanthos (Level 6 Cleric): Cut down by a flaming blade by a very powerful thracian lizardman below Queens Rest Mountain in Session 74. Ressurected about two weeks later.

Stormin' Norman (Level 1 Gnomish Trickster): Captured by the lizardman tribe below Queens Rest Mountain whilst trying to use illusionist tricks to steal a magic spear. Was subsequently fed to their Giant Chameleons for being an annoying gnome in Session 74.

Alexa this is so sad play "Yellow Submarine" by Ringo Starr

This MONTH in UMBROS: September 2026

Introduction, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Trust My Co-DMs So I took a break from UMBROS. About a month, give or take. This was mos...