Making Braunstein Orders Work in Your D&D Campaign - This Week in UMBROS 07/26/26 to 08/01/26

Introduction and the Must Cutting Edge Downtime Order and SEEN Rules

The BROSR did this to your dumb campaign

Last week, an admittedly slow news week for the UMBROS campaign, I used this space to argue that Braunstein is fit for long term campaign play. This week I need make no such argument. UMBROS has elected to make it for me.  

The oceans boiled, the gods themselves have begun cutting promos across the sky, and wargame Dockets reigned supreme. For that, sadly, I'm unable to give the exact details on. Lets just say Ferigno is at it again and there is no one safe from his sudden violent appearances upon their demesne. 

Actually, Ferigno is alot like Braunstein play itself. Sleeping for decades until the BROSR came along and bowling over every TTRPG campaign, showing them just how weak they actually were. No one enjoys conventional D&D play. Everyone worth hanging out with loves Braunstein D&D play. And, those WoTC stans and grouchy legacy BROS who refuse to acknowledge the Total Nonstop Braunstein and the experiment with SEEN are running and playing campaigns of no importance at all. 

If you're not experimenting with and mastering Docketing and SEEN right now, your thoughts on D&D simply don't matter. 

Just like JCW Lunacy, UMBROS might be full of green midcard talent, but it's punching way above it's weight thanks to Booking (I'm the Booker, bro). Add that we have some Main Event level talent like Joshua (who's running Cain), Kyle (who's running Hibobu) and The Chronicler, who's DMing the adventuring sessions; and UMBROS has become the premiere D&D campaign to watch. Just like JCW is the premiere weekly wrestling show to watch (Sorry, Tony Khan).

So while some of the lowest of the low of the legacy bros try to pretend that Jeffro's stellar "1,500 Index Cards" essay means Prep Addiction is acceptable (it doesn't and it isn't), the Total NonStop Braunstein, thanks to DM Serious's SEEN, proves it never will be.

The writers of "Winning Secrets 2" are discussing right now how SEEN has made the culture of the early BROSR from 2020 through 2024 into a system you can more easily bring to your campaigns. You can easily read my blog post on GOSS/SEEN, and keep up with this series of news blog posts, and figure out how to replicate the greatness of UMBROS. 

Compare that to the "advice" from OSR, prep addicted, and WoTC gamers whose advice isn't replicable at all, unless you're trying to replicate their failed social life, or adult onset diabetes. 

With that said, here's the best way I've figured out how to take and adjudicate Downtime Orders in a Total NonStop Braunstein. Get your Cut and Paste ready because this will improve your D&D campaign more than every non-BROSR gaming book you've ever read:

Making an UMBROS Downtime Order Basic Steps

1. Make request in your Downtime channel
2. Make SEEN check when leaving location for Travel if necessary (4+ travelers)
3. Solitaire Play if possible: Travel is solitaire without DM approval but needs to be noted in DT channel for Convergence possibility. SEEN roll/post made at Departure and upon Arrival.
4. DM adjudicates or tells adjudication system if Solitaire Play isn't apriori approved.
5. UORS created by the player if needed. (I'll explain what UORS is next week. But for now just understand it's a Brigadine style 2d6 roll for random elements in the world with no other rules available to adjudicate them.)
6. UORS rolled when approved by the DM
7. Order ran with 1e if that's the method over UORS as per DM, either Solitaire or by DM as per DM prior decision.
8. Results determined
9. SEEN roll
10. SEEN post

And here's my current chart for SEEN which is rolled with a d10 and some modifiers. 

1-2: Open: You must describe the Action and the Actor with exact truthfulness in your SEEN post.

3-4: Hidden Actor: You must describe the Action with exact truthfulness but leave out the Actor. Do not frame someone else by using a false actor!

5-6: Hidden Action: You must describe the Actor with exact truth but obfuscate the action by keeping it truthful but vague.

7-8: Confused: The Actor is unknown and the action is Confused. This is a good place to create wild things for the News channel which are not False Flags.

9: Hidden Completely (no post): You make no SEEN post at all.

10+: False Flag: You create a SEEN post which Frames another human controlled character for the Action or an obfuscated version of the Action. You may also choose to have the order Completely Hidden if you'd prefer. Just make the DM aware.

The current SEEN modifiers being used are:

-Travel order with 4 or fewer members: +1

-Travel order with 10 or more members: -1

-Travel order with Army: -2

-Action done involves at least one Level 9 or above member: -1

-Action involves ONLY Thief/Assassins among group: +2

-Private Conversation between 2 people (do not use if 3+ human players are discussing): +1 

This is the cutting edge. The modifiers and maybe the SEEN chart itself will change. But the basic idea itself will FIX YOUR CAMPAIGN. Also, as I run UMBROS week to week, I will further synthesize what works, what doesn't, and you can read all about it in these weekly "THIS WEEK IN UMBROS" news posts.

You can institute these rules in your own game TODAY. Or you can stay mad about the fact that no one likes your dumb conventional campaign and that I was right about the TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN. I'm sure you can find other dweebs to discuss boring ideas in the Soup Aisle. Just be careful not to collide each-others' mobility scooters together reaching for the Chunky.

Now onto the news. Enjoy!

This Week in UMBROS 7/26/26 to 8/01/26

7/26/26

Hibobu’s Caravan Marches South

Reports are flooding in that Hibobu's Caravan has been seen marching south through the Glarewood. They seem to be using the coastline as a guide and are pointed directly toward Firsthaven. Reports state that Hibobu is among his thag caravan with his captain Shulgi, dozens of War Thag Bowmen, some Tarog Riders. Strangely, it seems Keldir, his swan may, and a Paladin (???) from Coralynthia travels with them. Keldir's longship, meanwhile, pushes back out to sea. What could this portend?

Evil Stirs at Hel's Reach

A frenzy of activity was reported in the environs of Hel's Fortress. While Moriva may have perished in her now-famous duel with Dru, it seems some new, dark power has settled in at her old haunt. We don't know exactly what this means, but doom and death to the living is a safe bet. Nevertheless, we can all rest assured that with such brave defenders as Tootch, Hibobu, and Dru, humanity will remain safe.

We would include Chaz in the number of brave defenders of law and order, but when approached, he was discovered buried beneath three identical elven wenches. His only comment was a hurled wine goblet and some very muffled, indistinct vituperation.

7/27/26

The Day the Ocean Boiled

Perched high upon a jagged, wind-swept crag overlooking the Firsthaven coast, Cain the Kinslayer stood silhouetted against the sky, raising a haze of burning incense to the heavens. Then, a sound shattered the crashing of the waves—an otherworldly, metallic voice tearing from his throat, echoing across the harbor

In my eyes
Indisposed
In disguises no one knows
Hides the face
Lies the snake
And the sun in my disgrace

Then with the force of a thunderclap he bellows:

“RA!!!”

Ra appeared, descending upon the horizon in his radiant solar barge. Piercing beams of overworld sunshine sliced through the dark waters, illuminating a horrific sight below: the sunken city of Moriva, where hordes of the undead were actively constructing an abyssal empire.

Cain continues to bellow as an otherworldly sound of thundering drums and metallic harps fill the air:

Boiling heat
Summer stench
Neath the black, the sky looks dead
Call my name
Through the cream
And I'll hear you scream again

With blinding fury, the sun deity unleashed catastrophic solar rays. The ocean violently boiled. Cain’s voice shifted into an even more unhinged, heavily distorted version of itself as the sound of drums thud across the bay like artillery:

Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain?
Black hole sun
Won't you come
Won't you come
Won't you come

Heat intensified as he continued to roar. “Black hole sun!” his cadence matching the unfolding chaos.

Many undead caught beneath the waves instantly combusted, incinerated into ash within the depths. The devastating heat rays vaporizing them, all perfectly synced to Cain's vocal fury.

A few of the dead struggled to the surface, gasping for air they did not need. But Cain, still humming, herded the monsters back into the scalding, apocalyptic waves to meet their destruction.

As the steam cleared, Cain exhaled a long breath. His voice now deadpan and weary:

I’m getting too old for this shit

7/28/26

Throat Singers Wander the Wastes

A rumor reaches Tootchville that the location canvassers of the inter-Pellucidarian Throat-Singing League were spotted in an armed caravan wandering in the Umbral Lands. Why they were searching for a site to hold this renowned Imperial contest out beyond the Empire’s borders is unclear, though several very reliable washer women were heard by a passing merchant grumbling about the dismal state of the docks in battle-scarred Firsthaven. News to follow.

---

The Masked Prince at Midnight

“I saw Chief Dru wandering around near the ruins of the home stone temple late last night. He was acting like he was looking for something. He was also wearing a mask! I wonder what that was all about? Strange times. Strange times, indeed.”

---

Screams in the Purple Hills

A failed venture into the Purple Hills The way Nordock tells it he had just finished leading the band through rough terrain in the area Hooja’s men had been seen when he heard screams come from the back of the party. The cowardly magic users, ever lagging behind waiting to run at the first sign of danger, had been snagged. Gone without a trace. Now without caster Nordock advised the group to return home and fight another day.

7/29/26

Giant Eagle Roosts in Goldhold

The Ornithological Society of Tootchville has posted exciting news: giant eagles have returned to Goldhold! Originally driven out eons ago by the settlement of the Dwarves, their recent untimely demise has given local bird populations a chance to recuperate. Clidey Oberon, the chief ornithologist of the Purple Tower, was unavailable for comment, owing injuries sustained attempting to communicate with oversize avians.

---

NAILED TO FIRSTHAVEN MARKET NOTICE BOARD:

Chief Dru has been seen entering the forge of the city's most costly smith. The old wives whisper that the bear chief has discovered fashion, while the old soldiers merely nod and say a wise man knows the worth of good steel.

---

The Union Takes Casualties

The Dungeon Delver’s Worker’s Union of Umbros, Chapter 2387, returned from yet another out-of-town expedition a couple members short. When asked what occurred, their Druid had this to say:

“Way tik wawey that wad be aye kaik jab, simple nalockot, inn’ayt. Onlie pralern wis, way ayskt sign aye him the burrow at axe, an’ aye sid [in an affectedly deeper register] ‘I will give this axe away only to a worthy fighter when next we delve the Helrock dungeon. To give it away to a party intending to tramp the wilderness for days would indeed be foolishness.’ Ifta thay, ‘n aye kinnae blam him, we sitoot. Wint tae shi almoost stratta-aye. Farst moo got kilt bye aye pie son aroo, sicond got joomped bye oaks. ‘Boot tha only tang win rate wis my ruy rapak. Frayr’ did aye grit joob, smar’ lit’ lilla ay is.”

---

The Moonshine Mystic

Rumors of a shady figure lurking around Tootchville offering tutelage in various esoteric arts. This figure is evidently ill-kempt, and somewhat pungent, and his primary vocation is in spreading knowledge of how to capture the "shine of the moon". His intention is unclear but it sounds like at least a few impressionable young souls in Tootchville find his lifestyle quite compelling.

---

Wild Shopping Spree Shakes Up the Tootchville Market

Recently, a man unknown to the denizens of Tootchville came into town and purchased every foot of rope available, and preordered a thousand more feet. When asked what he needed all that rope for, he mentioned something about spelunking in the ruins of Goldhold. "Yeah. Tons of dead gemsons, with the gems still in 'em. Just laying there. More than any man can carry. Bona fide gold rush - er, well, gem rush, as it were. Get in while the gettin's good, friend! Just watch out for the giant birds."

---

Redneck NPR

"Damn, Jim, you look like you lost a fight with a thipdar. What happened?"

"You ain't gonna believe this shit. I just got worked over by a couple of elves who made off with my new suit of scale mail! They're hanging around in the woods near Tootchville, just bushwhacking folks!"

---

Massive Landsharks Are Dawnlands' Newest Power Couple

A ranging band of Firsthaven troops encountered not one, but two monstrous bulettes in the Dawnlands just a few miles outside Firsthaven. Our interviewee, Gaz Hairy-Pants, had this to say: "Yeap. We saw 'em from about a hunnerd yards off, but couldn't rightly tell what they were. Once we saw 'em up close-like, I figured we were all dead. I had a cousin get thrown up in the air and stomped by one of them thangs and we like to never get him scraped up offa the ground to bury him. The critters didn't charge us, and we didn't charge them, and both parties went their own way. That's 'bout as good as a man can hope for, runnin' into a landshark."

7/30/26

Tasty Orcses

A loot seeker near Goldhold brought word to Tootchville today that he witnessed a skirmish between feral orcs and a pair of giant eagles a few nights back. Apparently, the orcs sought nourishment from the eagle’s nest, and the mated pair took exception. Despite being under the influence of no less than seven substances banned in Firsthaven at the time, he promises that he has described the struggle with absolute accuracy. The moral of the story, he asks? “If you mess with tasty birdses, you should be ready to be tasty orcses instead.

---

Promos of the Gods

The Home Stone blasts with light in the middle of the night, bringing sudden daylight. Cain stands fast on the strand at the Firsthaven docks in a sudden standoff with Moriva who is climbing from the waves. "I may be getting too old for this shit but I'm never too old to destroy you," he mutters. Moriva's crooked smile crosses her dark yet beautiful visage as she glows with dark magics from slender fingers.

Reports of what happened next on the docks are spotty as all citizens fled from Moriva in horror as far and as fast as their legs might take them. Yet from a distance all saw an aspect of Hel herself, some 5 thags tall, drop from the Helrock into the waves. After an epic splash, Hel's singing yet grating voice was heard across the entirety of UMBROS somehow: "Now is not the time for my servant Moriva to join me for eternity. Now is the time for her ascension." With this Hel gripped Moriva in large hand and chucked her towards the Helrock. "She will return on Halloween clothed in greater darkness yet more powerful than you can imagine. Dread that day for it will be the end of the living. Come pay tribute to her at any graveyard in UMBROS before that day and you may be spared her wrath. Any PC who has survived at least one session of a Hel Delvers delve shall be rewarded a jewel worth 1,500 gold for any Good or Neutral victim of yours you bury in said graveyard in offer. This holds true until Halloween, limited only by the number of Hel Delver sessions you did so attend!"

Hel rose her fist to smash Cain unto oblivion when Ra returned across the sea quite suddenly. "Now is not his time!" said Ra. And Hel grinned and disappeared. Across UMBROS again was the voice of a god. Ra's booming voice said:

"This place of darkness displeases me. The sun does not shine. Good must prevail so darkness shall not. For that end I will reward all those PCs who endeavor to stop Hel by delving into her domain of the Helrock in 2026. Until the year is out, any PC who survives a live session of @Hel Delver shall receive 1,000 XP when they enter level 1 of the dungeon. 2,00 XP if they enter Level 2 of her dungeon. 3,000 to enter level 3, and on like that as deep as they might go. This reward resets each week so that those of Good and Neutral alignment might rise in power to defend this world against Hel and Moriva's coming evil. I require not that you pay homage or worship to me only that you remain loyal to your alignment and patron deity."

With this Ra rises into the sky and off into a blinding light that none can peer at for very long.

Editor's Note: The player of Moriva had some very bad luck and UORS rolls this week. So I decided to do the Booker trick to send the Faction Leader Character away for a while with a threat of coming back to a bigger heel pop. Additionally, the PCs are having a great deal of time making levels. While some of that is due to them being undercard talent as far as adventuring, some of it was due to DM Dundermoose, early in the year, destroying about 9000 of their PCs and making them scared of their own shadow. They lost alot of time! The Adventure Tier of a D&D game is like NXT. It's intended to train new players to the Main Card. And these players are getting good enough for bigger things but their PCs' levels and XP have lagged behind. Let's see if this helps or they wash out like Baron Corbin. Wait he's back in WWE? WHY?! There goes that metaphor.

---

Tootchville Tourism Committee Newsletter

"Our quaint thorp attracts many interesting people who often set up impromptu stands to busk, peddle, and buy. This past weekend, Kudor, a new member of one of the local adventuring bands, was seen seated on a stump, and had drawn quite a crowd! This reporter wasn't quite able to get a good look at just what he was doing, though."

---

The Contest is Concluded

Nomads arrived at Tootchville today announcing a great tragedy. A band of wild Sagoths were spotted on the plain. Each carried a spear and on its tip the head of a member of the location committee for the Inter-Pellucidarian Throat Singing Competition. Grunts of "TASTY NECK MUSCLES" seem to explain the reason for this atrocity.

---

Skirmish in the Hills

A band of neutral scouts report a remarkable sight in the hills beneath Hel's Reach. Battle was joined there between the advancing Army of the Umbral Swamps and a band of Frost Giants. Tribal braves report that the army's spearrunner picket ran afoul of a Frost Giant hunting party and were pelted with rocks. If the ravings of Kanya Hooji about "that miserable leech and his pitiful thrall squandering my men!" are anything to go by, there seems to have been at least one casualty.

---

THE FIRSTHAVEN ENQUIRER

Special Edition — 7/30/2026

HIBOBU RETURNS TO FIRSTHAVEN!

Merchant Guild Master Arrives With New Allies and New Questions

By Corlan Vey, Staff Correspondent

FIRSTHAVEN — The wall watch sounded the horns this morning, announcing the return of Merchant Guild Master Hibobu after many weeks' absence.

Citizens gathered along the northern walls to witness the approach of the great thag caravan. Yet, as many soon discovered, even the grandest beasts move at their own pace. The caravan did not pass through the gates until shortly before even-bell.

The procession to the Merchant Guildhouse revealed that Hibobu’s company has changed. Alongside the massive thags marched several rough-looking fighters, and sharp-eyed citizens noted the presence of the Captain of the Wave Tamer.

But it was what was missing that drew the most attention.

A soldier familiar with Hibobu’s departure reported that the Guild Master left with seven tiger riders. Today, only three tigers returned — and one without its rider.

The fate of the missing riders remains unknown.

Upon reaching the Guildhouse, Hibobu was met by citizens seeking aid. The Merchant addressed the crowd:

“Friends, I see your need. I will meet with your leader Dru and in the morn we will share what we have.”

Hibobu then departed toward the palace with the captain of the Wave Tamer.

Firsthaven welcomes the return of its Merchant Guild Master — but as always with Hibobu, his arrival brings as many questions as answers.

7/31/26

Molemen in Tootchville?

"I'm tellin' ya I saws 'em! Mole people! Bright shinin' eyes what like would steal yer soul! I was jus wanderin' around to drain my lizard and a bright ol' flash came from the top o' the tower! Then I heard sumthin' shakin' right under muh boot and there 'e was!

So uhh... You gonna finish that?"

---

Avalanche at Goldhold

A goat herder in the Dawnspires reports that the golden gates of Goldhold have been completely covered by rubble. However, a strange, haunting feeling filled him with dread as he approached the ruin, and he could swear he heard music coming deep from within.

When asked to describe the music, he said it sounded like the ringing of blunted bells, and the wind whispered with a sorrowful moan which he approximated “heigh ho.”

---

Loose Lips in Tootchville

A frequent patron of the Tootchville tavern was overheard complaining about the unfortunate business the HelDelvers had a few days back, bemoaning that the magic user Zartan had not returned.

“That blighter owes me a month’s wage. Said he’d gotten a treasure map squirrelled away on his person, and that he’d need a few hands to get it all. Bet he’s gone and nicked it all, cheated me out of a fair wage!”

---

Wait What?

“I swear, ‘tis truth! They’re in cahoots to kill him. My cousin says it’s all over a cave full o’ diamonds, in the hill country between Tootchville and Dawnspire.”

---

Overheard in the Purple Cocktail Lounge, Tootchville

"You ever keep bumping into somebody over and over? That guy, Kudor, he's one of those Hel Delvers? Yeah, kept bumping into him all over town the other day. First on his way into the tower, then on his way out of the office of a notary public. Then, I saw him haggling with the hardware & tools merchant. Guy's busy as a beaver."

---

Unholy site destroyed by intrepid champions of law

I, Kudor, cleric of the home stone, and my friends, the hel Delvers, discovered a temple of evil in the dungeon near to Tootchville. There, we cleansed it of its denizens, cast down the idols, and wrote sacred words upon the wall. If any takes exception to my behavior, I invite you to repent of your idolatry, and if you do not, you may expect an unhappy death, and a very unpleasant life in the world to come.”

---

The Twilight Pines are astir with rumors of a herd of Thunderhead Lizards rampaging near Chaz's TreeFort. Some of these rumors claim that he (and his minions) in fact used their fae magyks to summon the monsters and have sent them after a nearby foe, while others claim that the dinosaurs were natural and tore up his gardens. Investigation would continue, if only our reporters who enter the woods did not keep disappearing...

08/01/2026

The Great Boiling’s Bounty

A group of enterprising Firsthaven fishermen returned from the bay, their long faces showing deep disappointment.

“Whole bay’s picked clean! No fish since the Great Boiling, so we hoped to get something from the depths. Nothing but broiled bones down there now, that is besides this driftwood wreath we dredged up...”

Braunstein is the Best Gaming There Ever Will Be - This Week in UMBROS 7/19/26 to 7/25/26

Introduction

Some DMs, such as the Women's Division Champion Harmony Ginger, may contest that the Braunstein form is ill designed to entertain a long form campaign, yet the Total Nonstop Braunstein campaign of UMBROS continues to march on week after week. 

A single session Braunstein (Type I) is designed for a single night of gaming. So it will, obviously, be short form. A Downtime Braunstein (Type II) is designed to go medium or long term, as per players' interests. Most such campaigns, such as the Moonstein, went just a few weeks as they were test of theory. And in one case these games were ran by Jeffro Johnson who will himself admit he has little patience to spend an excessive amount of time around gamers. It's the perfect design for the misandrist DM!

The "Always On" (Type III) Braunstein admittedly tends to burn GMs out. As explored in BROZER, UMBROS, and Winning Secrets; the "Always On" Campaign allows players to demand DM adjudication at all hours of the day. Like a clingy gf or Griff Morgan grasping for more of David Weseley's time. It gets old. Despite much consternation from lesser minds who are convinced of BROvenloft being the superior form of RPG gaming, its DM would disagree. Adjudicating the orders of a dozen clingy gfs every day burned him out on D&D so completely, he's not been able to scare up the energy or interest to run BROvenloft again; despite many Halloween seasons coming and going since.

That's why I created the TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN (Type IV). The TNB allows you to take the best elements of Types I through III without the need for the short form of Type I, the lack of session play in an exclusively Type II (like Drakonheim I) or the absurd DM burnout of an "Always On" Type III.

The TNB accomplishes this by having chained Session Braunsteins to revisit the world, regular Adventure sessions to train players into Braunstein Basics, and the Fog of War funpoasting of a Type III "Always On". But it's only on when the DM is at his best (weekly orders). 

Now, the TNB of the current UMBROS campaign is evolving and improving even since I wrote the book on the subject. DM Serious's SEEN System has fixed a million problems that all Types of Braunstein's had prior to its invention. Each day I learn a new way to use SEEN to fix even more problems. Reading this blog's UMBROS posts will allow you to follow along with this evolution. Because it's cutting edge.

As such, there will be changes each day. Alas and alak, this cutting edge is a dangerous place to stand. It is seldom a profitable one. Especially when there are litigious stoners out there looking to sue you over the use of a word...

I wish Harmony Ginger well in the eventual crowdfunding of her "4X" game. She was quite magnanimous about encouraging her large follower base to consider backing "Winning Secrets"; so I'll not begrudge her eventual success. As I always do with Cirsova and Black Lodge Games, I will likely have a "give money to my friend" Quote-Tweet to the eventual announcement of the crowdfund. There are worse things overweight middle aged men can spend their money on (like similarly unfit wrestling fandudes who buy hot pink glittered Charlotte Flair t-shirts) than some not-Braunstein-Braunstein ruleset. So, give it a click when it drops.

But the Total Nonstop Braunstein form is not for sale. You can read my much longer form thoughts about this FOR FREE in PDF. You can purchase a softcover copy of UMBROS AT COST (meaning you are only paying for the paper and production; I don't make a red cent). And, as I said, you can keep up with this blog and see the evolution of these concepts. You won't even need to suffer through the stupid pop-ups one sees on substack; possibly the worst website ever designed. And I used to be on GooglePlus.

While Charlotte Flair sells alot more tshirts than Bret Hart, his impact on the business will live on in a particular way that inspires me more. He was execution over spectacle. And, like the Hart Foundation, the BROSR is in it for the honor and prestige. They were the wrestlers' wrestlers. Tshirt sales or no, their impact lives on. The BROSR's impact will live on. That's all I want for the real gamers out there. They're the ones who show up week after week to play in UMBROS, or Trollopulous, or games inspired by them. 

The real gamers are rebuilding the culture step by step in a way which is far more successful than any whining about the woke race swapping in some hollywood slopfilm ever will. Small victories matter. They let you climb the card until you can become a Main Event talent. And, eventually, all of gaming will acknowledge the BROSR. 

The fact that Harmony already does is a testament to her class. So buy her book when it comes out. But, until then (and even after then) you can play UMBROS for free. Maybe even with me, if you hit the gym first.

This had little to do with "This Week in UMBROS" but I think these amazing posts speak for themselves. It also proves how the TNB allows dynamic long form campaigns. If you don't want to play in a campaign with this news feed, I question your passion for D&D gaming. Enjoy!

---

7/19/26

The Marshes Assemble

Forlorn scenes predominated in the Umbral Marshes today, or so Bayou Kirashi drunkenly recounted upon arrival at Tootchville. Sweethearts reluctantly kissed their brave tribal warriors goodbye and beast handlers gulped nervously as they pondered providing for massive dinosaurs on the march.

At the heart of it all, a new figure predominated, to whom even the fierce Grundgru was subordinate. A tall, slender, and horned beauty, with fierce dark hair and features surprisingly familiar to those acquainted with the late Hooja: his daughter Kanya-Hooj'i, fruit of some liaison between the slain thief and some creature of unspeakable horror. The Umbral tribesmen look upon her with awe: somehow, even in death Hooja manages to escape complete annihilation. Or so spoke in if one is willing to endure the gutpunch of Ole' Bayou's Prime Time Shine.

Flight From Tootchville

Floydio, Marshall of Chaz and a band of elves were spotted making a beeline out of Tootchville today, apparently fleeing from some threat in the town itself. Who or what they tee'd off to be run out of town in such a hurry remains to be seen, but given the speed of their flight, it had to be quite dangerous.

Grundgru Returns

Grundgru the Free and a platoon of his men existed the Umbral Marshes last week, and marched off on some small errand. They returned several hours later.

---

7/21/2026

The Jalok Stampede

A rumor has been circulating about a massive herd of wild Jalok in the plains between The Glarewood and The Purple Hills. Most rumors agree that they are chasing something, but one tale claims it's a band of Dwelvemen on the run, while another says it's some innocent old ladies riding Thags. The truth is likely somewhat less fanciful, but I suppose we'll all find out when they arrive at Tootchville (if they are not devoured beforehand).

---

7/22/26

The Hel Delvers Return

The Hel Delvers return to Tootchville without Azkin the Elf in tow. Yet they curiously have his Mirror Shield and new StoneCold Axe. Many folk wonder if perhaps the Hel Delvers, tired of little reward and prize from their delving, decided to disappear the Elf and take his nice stuff. This would most certainly cause consternation among the village populace if Azkin was not so universally loathed.

The Monk Goes Shopping

Senehem the Monk was seen (most unusually) in the bazaar, engaged in that vulgar activity known as 'shopping'. This marks the first time a monk has displayed any interest in worldly affairs aside from fistfights. While he seems to have spent quite a sizeable sum, no one is quite sure exactly what he spent it on.

The Prince Triumphant!

Rejoicing in the streets of Firsthaven today as the dark cloud which has hung over the city since the death of Prince Ronan is lifted! Dru, the new Prince, bravely challenged the foul Lich Moriva to single combat. Though his guard fled at the sight of the Lich, Dru remained, fought the lich, and slew her. Witnesses report hearing an inchoate scream, though whether it was fury or pain or some orthogonal emotion experienced only in those modes of consciousness known when the cord that connects one to this mortal coil is stretched and frayed to the utmost but not quite snapped, none can say.

The army which lurks in the depths offshore Firsthaven has utterly quieted with no activity reported. Of Moriva, no trace remains.

Hail the valiant Dru, Prince of Firsthaven!

His Arcanity Withdraws

An edict is sent forth from the Tower of Tootch - His Arcanity is embarking upon a process that will require his undivided attention, and must not be disturbed. Anyone wishing for an audience will simply have to wait, or settle for speaking to an underling.

Onlookers have remarked that it appears the Home Stone itself is shining from the upper windows of Tootch's tower.

A Servant Won

The cleric kicked and clawed and bit and flailed against the vampire's iron-handed grip around his throat. He had come into this trap like a fool, and now he was going to die like a fool. The vampire brought the cleric in close until they were face to face. But instead of sinking his fangs into the cleric's throat, he placed a simple silver chain around the cleric's neck and released him. The cleric, a serene demeanor suddenly overtaking him, looked upon the vampire, knelt, and asked “What is thy bidding, my master?”

Bags From the Earth

Woodsmen report that they saw men digging up bags and boxes from a hole in the east of the Glarewood near the sea.

---

7/23/26

Five Days

The man was informed of the lich queen’s plan to overtake Firsthaven. A human sacrifice. The corruption of the home stone. A diabolical transformation. Five days from today. He signaled his compliance, and the dark one departed from him.

The Umbral Host Marches

The Umbral Wastes shake as the Umbral Marshes army emerges out from the Fog. A vast array of tribal warriors and fierce dinosaurs headed by the firey Kanya and the indomitable Grundgru emerge. Where they are headed, none can say.

Ferigno at Goldhold

Ranging peasants which sneak their way into the Dawnspires to hunt for shiny rocks among the streams report seeing Ferigno landing near Goldhold. What he was up to is anyone's guess but he appeared to be speaking with a shadowy sort of fellow dressed in all black, just outside the entrance to the dwarfhhome.

"That's a lot of holy water"

An agent of Grundgru passed by Tootchville today and commissioned a barrel of holy water from a local cleric. For what purpose, he would not divulge, but the cleric muttered something about “twisted my arm hard enough about the price.”

The Other Army

A pair of Umbral Tribe youths were overheard by passersby discussing some sort of other force that the Umbral Army encountered on its way through the swamps. "My dad said things ended peacefully, but not much else. I'm not sure how I feel having another army this close to home."

The Druid Explains

Dateline Tootchville. Reed the Druid seems to have been engaged in some project these last few weeks. When asked what he's been up to, the Druid replied thusly:

"Bin siechin oot t'ese 'duirible layl rates, grit lil crayers tey are. Paswayay soom tae tae' oop suirice wit me, 'ope t'ey kin brin sim kin wit em tui. Shid maek decent scoots'n'swirrmrs."

If he didn't want to tell us, he could just said no.

Secret Society in Tootchville?

Respectable members of society have of late been vanishing at night, only to turn up at work the next day as though nothing had happened. We have tried to ascertain what is going on, but to no avail: this organization, if it is one, has impeccable discipline in its members. Who they are, what they do, and what they want is completely unknown. Our only clue is a fragment of paper with the following written on it.

Don't talk about Fight Club.

Don't talk about Fight Club.

Severas Makes a Bargain

Severas (presumably in an effort to retrieve his pants) was seen entering the Tootchtville inn where the elfy minions of Chaz are known to be staying. A server at the inn reportedly overheard the whole conversation between him and Floydio, Marshall of the Host, and claims that a large reward of both gold and magic items was agreed upon if Severas and his friends assist Floydio in his revenge against the Sly Band, who apparently recently assaulted him.

---

7/24/26

Parley at Coralynthia

A ship was spotted anchored at the bay of Coralynthia, where a meeting of minds seemed to take place. After a horn blast heard clear across the bay, the merman king Vanimen emerged from the waves to meet the new comers. Some agreement was made, and one of the villagers boarded the vessel as it weighed anchor and departed.

This Week in UMBROS: 07/12/26 to 07/18/26 - More Wargames than you can shake a stick at!

Looking down on UMBROS 

No one read my post last week. You guys don't want UMBROS IN PRINT? What a shame! 

However, the news posting will go on because I believe these SEEN POSTS, and these blogs putting them in chronological order, have a great deal of value for my campaign and for future campaigns looking to use BROSR methods. Can you imagine if the Blackmoor Braunstein had a record of chronological news posts like this? Or if Gary's original Gygax campaign did? It would be a treasure trove!  

"This Week in UMBROS" will be that such trove one day. 

And this week, big big BIG things happened. You may recall that last week there was a SEEN post that Ferigno was poised to attack Firsthaven AGAIN. Well that wargame was docketed. That docket was played this week. And the results of that Docket were turned into SEEN posts you'll find below from about 7/16/26 and after. 

Guess what... it wasn't Ferigno at all! 

Read on and find out who actually attacked Firsthaven and what actually happened in  REAL WARGAME BATTLE PLAYED OUT WITH MULTIPLE PLAYERS IN LIVE PLAY. UMBROS has more wargames in a month than most wargamers play in a year. 

Maybe they should celebrate our campaign more? I won't hold my breath for the Twitter posts about it.

Also this week I was on the Dundermoose podcast show with Jeffro. It was alot of fun and I explored an important 1e monster that is rarely talked about... the aids demon! You'll find none of those in UMBROS (yet) but you can listen to me and Jeffro make fun of Griff Morgan and David Wesely here:

7/10/26

Pool’s Closed

A body was found outside Tootchville, just before the Home Stone's light fell upon the Purple Hills. The identity of the man remains unknown due to the condition of the body; flesh of paper, dry and brittle bones, and shriveled eyes. Among his belongings was a piece of torn and burned cape stained with a message: POOL'S CLOSED!

07/12/26

Raid on Umbral Keep!

Passing merchants have recieved reports from sources deep in the Umbral swamp that locals saw fires in the vicinity of former headquarters of the late, unlamented Hooja. Additionally, those merchants confirm that elven figures were seen leaving the vicinity of the swamp, headed south. Explanation of how the Sly Band was caught napping or where Grundgru and his troops were remains lacking.

07/12/2026

Mounted Warriors Near Ferigno’s Lair

A deluge of disparate witnesses stretching from the Twilight Pines, through the Purple Hills, all the way to the Glarewood report various sightings of a band of mounted warriors a score in strength. Some claim they walked, some claim they flew. One witness was adamant that “they camped outside of Tootchville, planning something!” Whoever this band was, it is certain that they were armed for battle and moving quickly. The last confirmed sighting was near the rumored location of Feringo's Lair.

07/13/26

Gob Speaks

Gob was seen speaking amongst the denizens of his homeland in the Umbral Swamps

07/13/26

Return to Monke

Ooka Booka has been spending much time at the various watering holes of Tootchville talking about a “return to monk,” a repudiation of the civilized ways of the Innes regime, and how he knows he is right because of his pretty new sword. He is saying these things to pretty much anyone who will listen.

07/13/26

Song Off the Umbral Coast

Sailors and fishermen off the coast of the Umbral Lands have attested to hearing a strange, hauntingly beautiful song, which fills them with sadness. The song has been heard for nearly a week at this point, and as of this time shows no sign of stopping.

In addition, several wreaths of seaweed and driftwood have been recovered on the shores. One such wreath was found during the night, a strange collection of runes inscribed in bioluminescent algae on the driftwood. The illiterate fishermen were unable to discern its meaning before the runes faded in the morning light.

07/13/2026

Break-In at Feringo HQ?

It seems that Srrith might have retained the services of a particularly sneaky Sagoth, as reports of a break-in at Feringo HQ rise to the surface. Feringo's accountant-minon refused to discuss what, if anything, was stolen, but insurance adjusters were seen leaving in a foul mood. Feringo declined to comment, but was seen roasting his dinner with more fury than usual, and muttering about "those Mahar bastards."

07/13/26

The Homestone is Diminished

Stonegazers have conferred, and come to a rather startling conclusion. The Homestone is diminished somehow.

No ordinary person would notice, and it actually took Submaster Telekos, a 45-year tenured stonegazer, three hours, five clay tablets, and two stone slates to demonstrate the calculations required to detect the infinitesimal decrease.

After long deliberation, someone raised a startling possibility. What if someone had simply removed a portion of the stone?

There were rumors, but now there is mathematical, scientific confirmation of the possibility. What that means for the future is anyone's guess.

07/13/26

Ferigno Flies Over Tootchville

Citizens of Tootchville feared for their lives this week when out of nowhere Feringo flew overhead! Everyone took cover, preparing for the worst, but their fears were for naught. The Wyrm passed overhead and continued south, not even acknowledging the town. Later the next day he returned, coming north.

Again everyone went inside to hide, but Feringo apparently was not hungry today (or maybe someone else was the object of his appetite). Regardless, citizens have been warned to continue to be ready at a moment’s notice, as the saying goes: "A dragon always stops to eat. If he doesn't twice, beware the third."

This oddly-specific saying obviously comes from experience.

07/14/2026

Alarms at the Purple Tower

Shouting and alarms were set off in the middle of the night near the Purple Tower. Despite interviewing many of the inhabitants of the area, none were sober enough to be reliable witnesses to what all the hullabaloo was about. Request for comment by the grand magus himself, Tootch, were met with a firm shake of the head from the guard golems at the front gate. Many "witnesses" speculate about a potential break-in, but these remain unconfirmed rumors with no suspect as of this time.

07/15/26

Never Forget Harambe

SAGOTH SAW ALL. FRIEND GET LEECH IN THORAT. JUST DRINKING WATER. CHOKED RIGHT AS LEECH LET GO. NEVER FORGET HARAMBE

07/15/2026

A Tootchville Market Conversation

A passing conversation overheard in the Tootchville market:

"Did you hear?"

"What, no dearie, do you have some juicy gossip for me?"

"Of course I do... You'll never guess who came to me all in a rush this morning looking to buy clothes"

"...clothes?"

"Well, more like 'pants' specifically. Serevas apparently had a late night run-in with one of those nasty female elves last night and woke up missing all kinds of things."

"That sick jerk; she's only 52 years old!"

07/15/26

A Cozy Retreat

Travelers of the Umbral Lands have discovered a cozy retreat under a cliff face, an ideal place to set up camp for a contingent to rest in the dark, dark lands.

07/15/26

Terror from the Deep

At the midnight hour of the Home Stone abruptly lit up, revealing a cloud of darkness roiling in from the sea. This encroaching, silent darkness quickly engulfed the docks of Firsthaven, which had been left undefended as the city rallied to fight Feringo the Green Dragon and his Vineling hordes.

As of this morning, no one has yet seen any of the invaders due to the impenetrable magical darkness surrounding them: a few recovered scraps of bone and desiccated flesh do provide some clues. These remnants, coupled with the complete lack of civilian bodies, are horrifying in their implications.

Casualties are believed to be heavy, though, again, many remain missing. Severe damage was inflicted on the entire city, with the waterfront in particular suffering from the intense combat.

The darkness returned to the deeps as abruptly as it arrived. Witnesses report that, though the cloud had fought in silence for the entire battle, a single, hollow, sepulchral voice boomed out just before its departure.

“Enjoy your pretender’s throne while you can, Dru. And you, Cain: I have a message from an old family friend. The Serpent dearly misses you and looks forward to seeing you very, very soon.”

When asked about Feringo and his army, and what they are doing now, a harried-looking official replied:

“What Feringo? There was never any Feringo. They played us all for fools!”

07/16/26

Bolo the Thief in Firsthaven

Bolo the Thief has been seen picking through the ruins of Firsthaven along with other search and recovery teams. He wears a dejected scowl, probably upset that he is now homeless again.

7/16/2026

Floydio in Tootchville

Floydio, the Elf known to be the loyal Marshall of the Host co-ordinating all the minions of Chaz, was seen all week in various locations around the town of Tootchville. No one is quite sure when he arrived, or when he intends to leave, but a perceptive observer will note that he was definitely more frequently spotted near the various taverns and pleasure houses where one might expect to find a tougher sort of personnel.

07/16/26

The Sly Band in the Fog

Dan Danface, one of the many local drunks of Tootchville, stumbled into a ditch last night. When he awoke, he was just in time to see several of the Sly Band slinking off into the fog near town, headed for points unknown.

7/16/2026

Firsthaven Stands

Prince Dru looked out from the tower of the Homestone, gazing over the destruction of Firsthaven. The southeastern portion of the city was completely gone, and the remainder barely saved through the blood, sweat, and tears of the brave men who sacrificed their lives and worked through the night to halt the fires’ spread. Now, while smoke rose lazily from the wreckage, a great pyre burned outside the walls, its fetid smoke drifting putridly with the westward wind. Dru looked towards the sea, where the dread queen of undeath retreated beneath the waves, beyond the reach of even Cain the Kinslayer. He turned once more to the gleaming stone behind him, receiving a small grace of a spark of hope. Despite everything, Firsthaven stood; the Homestone still shone. So long as those two things remained true, there would always be hope.

7/16/2026

The Charge of the Thag Brigade

The Shiny Guard lead by Kwaja the Sharper stormed through the north gate of First Haven to repel the undead hordes rising from the sea. Amongst all the death and chaos, Kwaja valiantly lead four war thags into the morass of undead, turning a horde of ghouls to a stinking paste under tusk and hoof! Despite losing one thag in the effort, Marovia's horde fled back into the depths not three minutes later, no doubt fearing what another charge would mean to her foul plans. Though First Haven must rebuild from this attack, surely their just leaders will offer some reward to the city’s saviors!

07/17/26

Moriva Beneath the Waves

Rumors persist that Moriva has not returned to her dread citadel after the assault upon Firsthaven. Instead, fishermen, pearl divers, and even mariners of less excitable reputation now whisper that the Lich Queen has gone below, taking refuge in the cold depths just off the coast.

The signs are difficult to dismiss. Marine life has almost entirely departed the immediate waters around Firsthaven. Nets come up empty. Crabs flee the shore in unpleasant numbers. Even the gulls wheel high above the bay and refuse to settle upon the waves. Those few who have dared sail near the darker waters report patches of blackness moving below the surface where no shadow ought to be, drifting not like silt but with unnatural stops and starts.

Once, during a low fog, a sailor swore he heard hammers ringing beneath the sea. Another crew pulled up an anchor fouled with black mud, a human jawbone wrapped in seaweed, and a scrap of worked stone carved with the sign of Hel. Mariners are now convinced that something is being built beneath the waves, constructed by things which do not breath. They report a “really creepy feeling, like we’re being watched, y’know?” The old men of the docks now make the sign of the Stone before launching their boats, though fewer boats launch each day.

07/17/26

Cain Speaks

Cain, as usual, has had much to say. Though he's made no official proclamation about the Second Battle of Firsthaven, onlookers and servants have gathered much of his thoughts from his usual cranky monologuing to whoever happens to be listening:

"My efforts to protect the people of Firsthaven and destroy evil were doomed from the start as they were tied to the anchor that is Dru. False reports of Ferigno outside the city wasted my time and took me away from the assault. Where were the guards within the city? On the walls awaiting the same false dragon Dru had been duped with, taking mere street rumors at their word and passing them along to his city has gospel. I was robbed of the chance to destroy whichever evil thing may have been coming. My absence was the meant doom for the city that night. Without me this whole world is doomed."

07/17/26

The Rich Get Richer

Word comes from the Glarewood that Hibobu, Master of the Merchant Guild, has done something either magnificently bold or commercially deranged: he has robbed Feringo blind!

The tale is already much embellished. It contains dragon treasure, war thags, vinelings, poisoned flowers, and, by several reports, a fiend in denim. Yet the chief fact remains firm. Feringo was absent from his lair, and Hibobu’s caravan did not retreat from the Green Wyrm’s tower. Those who have since dared the Glarewood report a scene of fine disorder. The tower door was shattered, the threshold blackened by fire, and dead vinelings lay among broken arrows, spilled oil, torn vines, and purple flowers of an unhealthy aspect.

"I creeped close, I did,” said one sojourner, “thinking perhaps a shiny thing had been left behind. But then came that strange jazz bass from the ruin, and a man with sense retreats.”

Others speak of an apparition moving with the music: wild-eyed, shadowy, and dressed, impossibly, in denim. Whether it served Feringo or merely haunted the place, none can say. No treasure remained for lesser thieves. Only silver-tipped arrows, torn wagon-cloth of Hibobu's colors, and the marks of heavy wheels.

One Hroko, a Glarewood scavenger of limited prudence, swears he saw Hibobu’s wagons depart laden and low.

“He robbed the Wyrm,” said Hroko. “I waited to follow him back to Firsthaven, but may the Home Stone strike me down, the man turned north. North!”

Should Feringo return, he will find a broken door, a burned threshold, dead servants, missing treasure, and the wagon tracks of a merchant prince leading north

07/18/26

Mahar Princess in the Dawnspires

A Mahar princess was seen traversing the Dawnspires, her retinue of Dwelvemen lugging plenty of cargo alongside them.

07/18/26

Bayou Krashir’s Coffin Story

Bayou Krashir is the most notorious gossip in the Umbral Swamps. So when he came lumbering into Tootchville with a barrel full of the strongest hootch you can drink, folks stopped by to listen. As always, the colorful moonshiner's story didn't disappoint:

"So here I was, draggin this 'eer draught up the peak othersidea Goldhold, and whadja-I see but my brother Sloppy and three of his mates haulin' two ornate boxes up the hill. Prettiest coffins I ever did see. Now I don' read much, but the shapes on them lids had names on 'em."

Bayou sketches a pair of names in the dirt: Vandoro, and Sagmi.

"I was 'bout to walk up and give the ole' yokel a fine greetin' when he gestured for me to git. Shouted that it wasn't none of my business, that I should leave while I still could. Before they woke up. Guess it was them vamps I been hearin' bout lately. I reckon they’re settin up shop there for a little while at least."

Do you know how to DURS? Neither do 
Dundermoose's listeners!

This Week in UMBROS: 07/01/26 to 07/10/26 - UMBROS IN PRINT NOW

Another week or so passed in UMBROS to begin the month of July 2026. If you don't already know, UMBROS is my D&D campaign ran with a TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN approach. Meaning it's real D&D and your campaign isn't. But your campaign can be if you pick up my UMBROS MODULE. 

Get it now. It's at cost!

It's been available as a free pdf on DrivethruRPG for months now but, as of yesterday you can now get it in PRINT ON LULU. Click the links embedded in that sentence to find them. I am selling the physical book AT COST meaning I MAKE NO MONEY ON IT. You're only paying for printing cost and whatever junk fees Lulu dot com rips you off with.

Upon reading UMBROS you will see what a Real D&D campaign can be. Upon reading the below news posts (created by the campaign's actual players with SEEN) you will see what Total Gaming Enlightenment looks like. 

I hope you enjoy reading these posts and your imagination fires with the possibilities of your own campaign. In fact, I invite anyone reading this to run their UMBROS campaign in THIS SAME GAME WORLD with the same news elements. My "This Week in UMBROS" series is really all you need to join the fun and have your adventurers exist in this same game world. Reach out to me in the comments below, or on elon's stupid app, if you're interested in having your adventurers compete with the Hel Delvers for treasure, cash and prized. And prestige! 

Enjoy!

UMBROS NEWS FROM 07/01/26 TO 07/10/26

07/01/26

An Appeal to the Home Stone

Thedd Dredd knelt in quiet contemplation, mourning the loss of Prince Ronan and so many of the fallen. The Litany of the Stone ran through his mind, but the words seemed nearly hollow.

His faith had been tested on more than occasion before, and Thedd had not lost hope. Yet, he realized the situation for those on the Path of virtue and justice was growing grim. Moriva in the west was making advances, Tootch remained holed up in his tower, seemingly ambivalent to the disaster unfolding in the world. The demonic forces of Hel not only challenged them in the dungeon, but have made their presence known in the south of the Dawnlands. And even now, the Mahar marched on - driven by a force yet unseen. Who now was left that could draw victory from the jaws of defeat?

"CAIN!" Thedd cried out, rising from his meditation. Those in Tootchville could hear his voice ring out like a bell.

"I will bear your mark! I will take on this burden! Train me in your ways, teach me to walk the Path!"

A murmur that Thedd had lost his mind went through the village. Thedd cared not. His vision was clear.

07/01/26

Reed Speaks

Dateline Tootchville. The Syndicated Dungeon Delvers of Umbros (or whatever they’re calling themselves this week) have returned from their second foray in as many days. While the core of the group appears to be unchanged, our intrepid reporter noted a rather pasty figure with bright red hair accompanying the group. When pled for information, this individual gave his name as (we believe) “Reed”. Reed had much to say about his adventures, some of which we understood. When asked about the events of yesterday, he responded thusly. We apologize to our readers, but we couldn’t actually make out what he said so we’re trying to transcribe the noises.

“Och aye, ‘twas a bonny auld taime. ‘Teh Jimsoons wuir tryain’ tae extortionate oos, an’ aye gaiss tey’d ailridy kilt a fayer few was trayin’ tae goo an divver. We popped teh duir jess faine, tarrns oot tey wuir furmed oop insayde all riddy, so’s I hit ‘em wüith ant angle, stooped ‘em did in te’ir traiks laik. Ifter tat, ‘twas trivial tae sook ‘em an oil. Went up in a bonny auld bonfayer it did, Ai’m suir bridge it (Brigid?) was lauwrfin’ ‘er faery ‘ead oof, bless ‘tae lass. ‘It ‘teir lider wit’ ae faery fayer (Note: we have no idea what he’s on about here) tui. Guess oon of uir clairecs ‘ad a bit oov ai gruige ‘gainst ‘em, sae’s ‘e jiss merc’d ‘em on tae spoot. Guid coinage too.”

We have absolutely no idea what happened, but the group seemed pretty happy.

Editors Note: I don't know what he's talking about either.

7/1/2026

Hibobu Speaks in Tootchville

In the first breath of dawn, when the Homestone still dreamed beneath its veil of ash-blue light,
Hibobu and Hildaga walked the road to the market-square of Tootchville.
They came as traders come in old tales,
with purpose in their stride and the weight of distant lands upon their cloaks.

They mounted the steps of the central fountain,
the stone worn smooth by generations,
and there Hibobu stood, waiting as the people gathered like reeds around a riverbank.
When the murmuring quieted, he lifted his voice,
a voice seasoned by caravans, storms, and long memory:

“People of Tootchville, hear and know.
We are come from Firsthaven, bearing trade, purchase, and sale.
Even now my merchants set their tables beyond your gate.
Who among you lacks what we carry?
The seamstress her needles and bolts,
the farmer his implements,
the soldier his arms,
the house-frau her flour and rye grain.
We await you with honest trade and friendly barter.
Those with private business may seek me in my tent.
And if any know the path of a guild-caravan that passed here of late,
a reward awaits true words.
Act swiftly, friends, for our stay is short.”

Thus his speech settled upon the square like morning dew,
and the people murmured,
for Hibobu spoke with the certainty of one favored by the road-gods.

07/01/26

PRINCE RONAN PRESUMED DEAD, CAPTAIN DRU ASSUMES POWER IN FIRSTHAVEN

"Breaking news out of Firsthaven today! Dru, formerly Captain of the Prince Ronan's elite bodyguard, has publicly proclaimed that Prince Ronan is quote, 'probably dead,' end quote, and that the time has come for the tribe to select a new chief. We go now to Kadiz Kurik, our reporter on the ground."

"That's right, Grash. According to ancient Pellucdarian tradition, when there is no clear heir to the chiefdom, any member of the tribe who wishes may step forward and proclaim himself chief, and must accept all challengers. Dru was the first to throw his hat in the ring. We've had no less than eight electrifying matches today and Dru's showing no signs of slowing down! This last fight will determine the new - - oh, oh! - Dru's got him in a figure four! He's tapping, the challenger is tapping! Dru is the new Chief of Firsthaven! You heard it here on UNN first, folks, Dru is the new head honcho in the Dawnlands!!"

Editor's Note: This action and situation was happened thanks to rumors of Ronan's demise from last week's news. And the Braunstein Session I ran with Ferigno vs Ronan and assorted good guys in the previous week. Everyone thinks Ronan is dead so the town needs a successor, yes? What better way for a civilized primeval city At the Earth's Core to decide on succession than through combat!

07/02/2026

Zartan Visits the Money-Lenders

Zartan begrudgingly made his way to the money-lenders. His disappointing haul from his Hel Delve would not pay for his extended stay at Tootchville for very long. If he wasn’t careful, he’d be back doing clerical work, or worse. He had a mind for magic, and nothing short of death would keep him from his pursuit of it. His determination forced him out of bed, despite the persistent cramping he felt in his abdomen.

As his business concluded with the lenders, the cramping reached a nauseating peak. The money lender handed him a bag of freshly minted Hibobu shinies, to which Zartan immediately opened the bag and profusely vomited in it. The two shared stunned glances at each other for a moment.
“Can I have a different bag?”
“... No.”

07/02/26

Ghouls in the Civilized Lands

Continued rumors of the dead marching across the land. It is unknown what their purpose is, but ghouls have been, on occasion, spotted in the civilized lands of Umbros.

7/3/2026

The Missing Sword

Arguments break out as some unseen force crashes through several stalls set up for the Arcane Fair, sending oddities such as gold femurs, ferrets of only slightly unusual size, and Kabbages™ flying across the street! The clearly overwhelmed "project manager" Keblar attempted to calm the chaos as apprentices swarmed him.

Soon after, a demanding adventurer pushed through the red-faced ranters and asked "Dude, where's my sword?!" Some time later, the selfsame adventurer was seen lifting his new blade high into the air and yelling "One Cee Two One One Six!" None understood the odd shout, but rumor says Tootch's Golem Butler fainted on the spot! The adventurer, for his part, left the scene with sword sheathed.

7/3/2026

The Sagoths Depart Umbral Keep

The gates of the Umbral Keep opened, and the waters of the Umbral Swamp rippled with the heavy steps of Grundgru and his men, flanked on both sides by the massive forms of their dinosaurs, the heavy chains rattling between them, their handlers, and the cattle appropriated from the village.

“Come on, you dogs! The masters say we move, so we move!” Grundgru calls out. Behind him, several slaves carry a covered palanquin, from which gleam two pairs of glowing red eyes.
The procession disappeared into the darkness of the swamp, heading south.

7/4/26

The Arcane Fair Begins

Exciting, wondrous, and only somewhat deadly: The Arcane Fair is underway! Apprentice mages and researchers will be giving lectures and showing off their dioramas to interested parties, and to gain favor in the Purple Tower. Rumours are that even the magnanimous Tootch will be making appearances!*

*Some restrictions may apply

7/4/26: Night

Night at the Arcane Fair

Celebration, assault, or prank? Colourful explosions decorate the skies around Tootchtown! Smoke and Croaking mix with the laughter of pranksters, invisible or otherwise, are heard as robes are flipped, tables are tossed, and other shenanigans spread throughout the masses.

Tootch was not available (or visible) for comment, but Keblar was heard shouting: "It is all part of the show! Please do not be alarmed (you absolute fools)!"

07/06/26

Hibobu's Crier once again strides through the streets of Tootchville:

"HEY YA, HEY YA, HEY YA!
MASTER HIBOBU IS IN NEED OF ADVENTURERS.
STOUT MEN WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND OTHERS
A CHOICE REWARD AWAITS THE TEAM WHICH SUCCEEDS.
COME TO THE TENT OF HIBOBU ANY WILLING HEARTIES.
THE WEAK AND STUPID NEED NOT APPLY. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
HEY YA, HEY YA, HEY YA!"

07/06/26

Chaz Appears!

Beside each mirror which had previously been used to send a Twilight Whisper message, lies a small bouquet of flowers, and tiny note written in sloppy elf-script. Beware the flowers thorns, though. It appears that Chaz (now operated by [PLAYER DISCORD NAME]) has finished his midsummer revelry and decided to take a more active role in this Hel-ish land.

Editor's Note: I have invited new players to the campaign to run Faction Leaders. Chaz was being played for a long time with me NPCing him. But I'm happy to say I will no longer need to do that. Somehow this player may actually be more Chaz than me... and I invented the character back in Trollopulous! That's saying something...

07/06/26

The Green Wyrm Returns to Firsthaven!

Chaos and consternation in Firsthaven today as the Green Dragon Ferigno, at the head of yet another horde of his abominable Vinelings, arrived at Firsthaven and laid siege to the town yet again. Though his first attack was narrowly repulsed, all of the heroes who stopped him are dead. The town asks: who can save us now?

Editor's Note: This news report has become a DOCKETED wargame with the Assaulting Force vs The Defending Force. The Good guys are hopeful that the new ruler of Firsthaven, Dru, is up to the task to keeping Ferigno (or whatever is assaulting the city) from finishing off civilization completely. I docketed this wargame by placing the summary of the scenario, the two sides, and special considerations in one place. Then, it was offered to my campaign (or anyone who wants to run it) with a TWO Players and ONE Referee. I'm tired of solo wargaming. It sucks. We all know it sucks. As I said in my influential post "The 'Winning Secrets' to Having a D&D Campaign with Wargaming"  Docketing, GOSS, and SEEN have made Wargaming in D&D feasible again. You can thank me now or back the upcoming "Winning Secrets 2" when it drops to thank me later. Because I expound at length on these findings and what it means for TTRPGs. (Spoiler: it solves everything.) I hope to have the results of this Docket to you and this news feed next week. Stay tuned!

07/06/26

The Lost Caravan Reward

Rumor has it that Hibobu will pay 4,000 GP to those who return the "Lost Caravan" to Tootchville.

Editor's Note: This turned into the Adventure Session this week which was played on 07/07/26 as we tried to collect the big reward from the Faction Leader players running Tootch. You can read the session report from the DM here. I was Azkin the elf in that session and I can tell you we did NOT collect the 4,000 GP. We only managed to get 2 of our members killed. Enjoy!

7/6/26

A Shadow in the Umbral Swamps

A shadow has been seen lurking in the Umbral Swamps, lurking amongst the mosquitoes and mongrelmen.

07/06/26

Sagoths in Goldhold

A contingent of Sagoths marched straight through to Goldhold, picking over the remnants of the once-great Dwarven kingdom. It is reported that they were muttering about discovering "hot vats for make new shorties" and that "Queen Srrith will be pleased."

07/07/26

Ranak Hires Slingers

Ranak the fighter hires five slingers to serve as men-at-arms. The group was seen practicing their marksmanship while drilled by Ranak just outside the town's gate, whipping small stones at lighting speed at targets with little skulls painted on them.

07/07/26

TOOTCH DODGING PAYMENT TO HIRELINGS: WIZARD NOT A MAN OF HIS WORD?

Tootch recently put out a call for hirelings, promising extravagant rewards for an unknown mission. Now that the bill has come due, the purple mage has always been “in a meeting,” “conducting an important experiment,” or “in the middle of lessons.”

This shifty behavior has led some to decry Tootch as “Tootch the Purple Miser,” “the Stingy Sorcerer,” and other very funny, very creative epithets.

07/07/26

The Fairwatch Scouts

The Fairwatch, led by Tupo the fearsome Elven Figher, began scouting for monsters in a preliminary subduing action at Hex 13.13, returning with basic information about most monster numbers and some likely positions. It seems that Chaz is interested in expanding his little tree fort...

07/07/26

The Hel Delvers Return Short

Dateline Tootchville: the Hel Delvers returned from an expedition a few members short. When asked what occurred, their druid had this to say (we apologize in advance):

"We wint oof tae fin some jit kervan got loes. Took laik oon stip ootsaid an' ran intae a bliddy tie Ronner sers ricks. Ay popped tae'nvisblity 'n we all scarpered. Oon of as got itten, puir fella. Kipt lookin', foond a waggin. Ranak'n'crui wint tae lewk, lackless sods t'ae wuir. Got cau 'n quicksand 'n itten by ay bliddy wiellllwui. wiellllwui zapped me bae' goo' tui. Lots'o dith'n nae tae shew fuir et."

7/7/2026

TOOTCH & CHAZ SECRET WAR SUMMIT?

MYSTERIOUS MERCHANT LEAVES WIZARD'S TOWER SMILING! DRAGON SHOWDOWN IMMINENT?

TOOTCHVILLE, July 7 — What is the reclusive Prince Mage plotting behind the locked doors of Tootch Tower?

Eyewitnesses watched wealthy merchant Hibobu enter the tower earlier today, remaining inside for an unusually long private audience with the enigmatic wizard. What transpired during that meeting remains a closely guarded secret, but moments after leaving the tower, Hibobu was overheard speaking to his young assistant.

According to one witness, the merchant declared:

"Tootch has contacted Chaz and they will meet at Firsthaven." or words to that affect.

If true, this astonishing revelation could mean that two of the most powerful figures in the known world are preparing to confront the dreaded Dragon Ferigno!

Could a legendary alliance be forming? Is an epic battle only days away?

The Tootchville Enquirer cannot verify the witness's account. We report what our sources tell us—and let our readers decide.

One fact, however, is beyond dispute.

Master Hibobu emerged from the tower wearing a broad smile rarely seen on the famously cautious merchant. His expression suggested a man whose worries had suddenly become someone else's problem.

Coincidence?

Our readers may judge for themselves.

7/8/2026

Hibobu's Bazaar Closes

At mid-day today Hibobu's bazaar was declared closed. Tents and tables were struck and loaded into the enormous wagons. Some final sales were closed but it was obvious that the merchants were distracted. Apparently they will be marching out tomorrow, 9th. A notice is posted that any having further business can contact Hildaga, who is remaining behind.

7/9/2026

Hibobu's Caravan Departs

As the first rays of the Homestone touched Tootchville, the merchant caravan stirred to life. Cooking fires were smothered beneath damp earth, and the last bundles found their places amid shouted orders and practiced haste. For a few moments the camp was a maze of dust, beasts, and men crossing one another in controlled confusion.

Then, almost impossibly, the chaos dissolved.

The great thags lumbered into single file, harnesses creaking as each beast settled into line. Drivers checked straps one final time, guards climbed to their howdahs, and the long column stretched southward like a living serpent.

Hibobu rode to the fore and surveyed his caravan with the satisfied eye of a man who had spent a lifetime turning disorder into profit. Raising a single hand, he gave the signal.

The tiger scouts bounded ahead without hesitation, vanishing into the morning mist. Behind them, with the groan of leather and timber and the slow thunder of padded feet, the caravan rolled forward into the southern forest.

Editor's Note: Remember last week when I solved the problem of Wargame Army Marching Recon? Yeah. This is some of the fruit from that solution. Essentially I force marching armies to make a SEEN check when they muster and leave a location. This gives hints to the other Wargame players (Faction Leaders, leveled PCs etc) of what armies are mustering and marching where. If it's "Open" then the marching army's player must hint at their numbers and where they're headed to. If it's "hidden action" they can hide the destination. Etc. Again. This solves the Wargaming Problem of DMs being frazzled trying to keep up with how thick the Fog of War is for various other wargame campaign players. It takes me bascially no time because the wargame army player makes the SEEN roll and the SEEN post. I just cut and paste. I've heard that some of the Legacy BROSR are whispering in dark corners that my use of SEEN here has solved no wargaming problems (I have Braunstein style spies everywhere) but I'd counter with pointing out that only the most cavernskull wargamer campaigners or those who DONT ACTUALLY PLAY fail to see see what MEGA PROBLEM this solves. Again, you're welcome.

7/10/26

Tootch's Apprentice Returns

An apprentice of Tootch was seen leaving the barn many of the Hel Delvers occupy between adventures at a brisk pace. The young man’s robes were caked in mud and he was carrying four large clinking sacks. He was last seen making a beeline to his quarters trying (poorly) to look as inconspicuous as possible.

07/10/26

Hippogriff-Riding Elves

Upon returning to Tootchville from a recent adventure, some slingers which the Hel Delver party took out into the jungle mentioned having seen a few dozen hippogriff riding elves in skies above the purple jungle, sporting the colors of Chaz and the Twilight Pines.
"They was most certainly looking for the lost merchant caravan like us! They was watching us! Keeping tabs on where the wagon was!" some onlookers heard the slingers say. When the adventurers and onlookers asked why the slingers didn't mention this to their adventurer leaders during their travels the slingers responded "you didn't ask".

Conclusion

May Jesus Christ, the Son of God, protect and keep you. May His face shine upon you. Amen.

This Week in UMBROS: 06/23/26 to 06/30/26 - Making D&D a Wargame for real

when you tell Ferigno you still play 
conventional d&d

After the Battle of Firsthaven, you might expect the world to take a breath. It did not. Instead you see escalating consequences and rumors (in SEEN posts) that may or may not be true but are absolutely somebody’s problem.This is just one reason why a TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN far superior to Conventional D&D play. 

Some believe you need a great deal of Diffusion to go with Convergences Real D&D but I've found that 3 Convergences to 1 Diffusion in a campaign works just fine. Players seem to agree since they're just stacking the grand convergences. 

Even so, I'm allowing more Diffusion than I normally would because the SEEN SYSTEM removes most of the negatives of farmdweeding; most importantly the way in which BROSR campaigns like Dubzaron would see PCs or Faction Leaders accruing great resources and armies essentially in secret, due to a Fog of War being as thick as yogurt. (For an explanation of all this and why this problem happens, check out this blog post.)

With these posts you'll notice some things going on which are likely Diffusion. But at least SOMETHING is known about them in the campaign as a whole. I'll note some of the Diffusion actions below in Editor's Notes.

This week covers the immediate ripples after the massive Convergence of the Battle of Firsthaven and the growing dread around the Glarewood. Prince Ronan, Ironrider, Coralynth, and one mysterious mage have gone missing after a weirding explosion in the sky over the Glarewood. Basically the Faction players followed up one Grand Convergence (The Battle of Firsthaven) with another just a week later. The post about this is called "A Second Sun Over Glarewood" on 06/29/26. That Convergence has flipped that campaign state yet again just a week after the massive battle. 

Hibobu has started acting like the richest man in town during a crisis, which is to say he is spending money, hiring men, loading wagons, and making grand public proclamations. Moriva is on the march. The Sagoths are back to rallying around the Mahar who, for their part, are doing Mahar things. These Faction Actions appear to be Diffusion of farming resources or moving armies/units and such. In past BROSR games, this sort of thing would have been essentially secret but in UMBROS, thanks to SEEN, it's gameable.

But enough with the theory, lets move on to the "story". As always, the following SEEN posts are presented as in-world reports, rumors, gossip, lies, half-truths, and the occasional outrageous FACT. It's possible most of this is complete lies and psyops of players trying to get an edge on one another. Don't believe their lies! Or do. It's probably more fun that way.

Enjoy!

6/23/2026

Supermen From Firsthaven?

A muck farmer outside Umbral Keep witnessed a strange sight. A small band of men traveling along the far side of the river were ambushed by an entire nest of giant centipedes. The farmer thought them lost, but the creatures flailed and bit the travelers to no avail. When the creatures began to overwhelm them, the travelers ripped the centipedes in twain with their bare hands! After the men left towards Umbral Keep, the farmer recovered a broken pike distinctly Firsthaven made. Surely Prince Ronan has engineered some new form of man and is moving to consolidate his power in the Umbral Swamps now that Hooja is out of the way.

06/24/26

Spectral Riders in the Dawnlands

Reports in the Dawnlands of a group of spectral figures appearing at random to save travelers from peril. These figures are said to bear some resemblance to the late Order of the Iguanodon, though gaunt, pale, and wreathed in spectral flame. One group of travelers reported being set upon by monsters in the night, only for these revenants to ride down from the sky and drive back the nightmarish creatures encircling them.

06/27/26

Azkin's Instruments

If Azkin the Elf Thief/Fighter is to be believed, the Hel Delver party was highly successful during their trip to the local megadungeon this week. While some find it far fetched, he is hear claiming that the party "copped a bunch of musical instruments made out of precious metals" from the dungeon. "Tootch loved the stuff and gave us a big payout over 2,000 gp for the lot." While seemingly feasible, this nice payout doesn't explain why some onlookers claim to have seen Azkin conspiring with local elves to create an Elf Autonomous Zone within Tootchville. Details are sketchy but rumors claim he was "looking shady" and "talking and engaging in martial arts with local elf luminaries".

Editor's Note: Azkin is my adventuring PC. A while back it occurred to me that Faction Leaders who play in the Braunstein Type II (or Downtime Play/ Play By Post) aspects of these campaigns are never too certain what the Adventuring Parties who do session play are up to. So I instituted some class/role based checks to make and then certain types of SEEN posts that PCs may need to make (if they fail the roll). For Azkin, being a Thief, he's obliged to make a SEEN post about the treasure he took out of the recent adventure/delve if he fails a Hide in Shadows check. If he succeeds then he can make no post or make up a bunch of fake info. This allows faction leaders and others in the campaign world to somewhat gauge how successful the sessions are going. And adds another wrinkle to Thieves pickpocketing from the party. No longer can a thief hide in the fog of war 100% as he accrues great wealth. Sometimes hints might slip out that he's doing better than the party... somehow. "He maybe it's because he's stealing from us?!" Maybe. Azkin isn't. He's a great guy. Very loyal. Team player. 

06/27/26

Malcontents Could be Here...

The Monk who has been seen in the dungeoneering group in Tootchville was savagely beaten in the town square today. Witnesses report that Senehem issued an open challenge to anyone who wished to test their prowess in unarmed combat, a challenge which was taken up by a dozen malcontents. Simultaneously. This incident mostly proved the hoary old adage about "strength in numbers", as the monk was rapidly surrounded and beaten down. The assailants then attempted to rob their unconscious victim, only to be thwarted by the monk's complete lack of material possessions. They settled instead for destruction of property, vandalism, and some manure throwing for good measure.

6/27/2026

Tales From The Bone Zone

Hibobu's thag riders currently employed by the Hel Delvers were regaling tavern maids of their exploits in the Hel Dungeon while carousing in Tootchvile: "You don't understand love, EVERYTHING was made of bones! We pushed through down a staircase and the walls, the doors, the floor - the whole damn complex was made of skeletons. We saw skeleton knights, skeleton musicians, you open a door and the only thing we could see is skeleton hands grasping for our throats! I've got a much nicer bone I can show you tonight if you catch my meaning..." It is unknown if the mercenaries conquests outside of the dungeon were more successful that evening, though at least one rider was seen wearing the ale he ordered before the night had ended.

06/27/26

The Sagoths March

Out of the Umbral Swamps, the Sagoths march once again! After months of rudderless bickering following the slaying of Srith the Lizard Queen, the ape-men mouthpieces of the Mahar are now organized and on the move.

Editor's Note: The Mahar Faction hasn't had a human player behind it at any point in the history of UMBROS. A very cool BROSR member, this week, found this so absurd he asked to run the Mahar in the Faction Tier. This was sort of his introduction that the Faction now had a player. Back during Dubzaron I used to let Factions hide for a time and have players believe they were NPCs because it became so common for the adventuring party to use session play to kill off a faction leader. Because, when a DM controls a character, he simply plays them much worse than if they have a Player behind them like a PVP game. But I've decided this hiding whether a faction is PC or NPC isn't fun play and it creates extra work for the DM for negative return. Introduce yourselves!

06/27/26

Business at the Guild House

Despite dark rumors stealing forth from the depths of Glare Wood, business continued its steady course at the Guild House of Firsthaven. There the giant caravan wagons stood in formidable array, their lofty frames groaning beneath the ceaseless labour of loading. All manner of goods were heaved aboard while the air rang with shouts and the creak of ropes and timbers. Passersby paused to observe the spectacle, for it was a sight to stir any man with an eye for the world’s affairs.Runners darted through the narrower streets, calling at small shops and warehouses to purchase yet more wares and swell the growing cargo. Thus the currents of commerce flowed on, unheeding.Notably, one rubber-necked idler was heard to declare with rough eloquence: “I seen them swampers packin’ all manner of truck—even iron weapons, and some ’o that shiny armour they wear.”So it was that the ordinary pursuits of men pressed forward with undiminished vigour, while the shadow of unknown tidings lingered upon the edge of things.

Editor's Note: Seems like Diffusion right? The Merchant faction is buying or building something... Good thing he's not totally hiding behind a fog of war thanks to DM attention bottleneck. Thank you DM Serious for creating SEEN!

06/27/26

Weirding at Tootch's Tower but what else is new

The word on the canyon is that something happened in Tootch's Tower.

What that something is hasn't been clearly determined. Alchemy, magic, genetics, alchemigenetics, nobody is really certain.

What is certain is that Tootch seems unimpressed with the outcome and is pushing ahead towards an indeterminate goal that may spell disaster or glory for Inner Earth. Hell, it may spell 'fish and chips'. The rumor network isn't what it used to be, that's what all the oldheads are saying.

06/28/26

Preparations for the Arcane Fair

Preparations for the Arcane Fair continue to stir around the Purple Tower. Stalls for snacks and displays have started popping up all across Tootchtown offering all manner of the strange and definitely magical for the samplings of the peons in Umbros.

All is not smooth, however, as reports from within the reaches of the Purple Tower claim to hear the Eternal Magus making a racket as occasional streams of smoky letters drift from its heights. Some witnesses claim to have seen the words "diamond," "power," and "Elf" in various states of dissipation.

06/28/26

Hibobu Rides Out

It was but moments after the Homestone shed its blessed light upon Firsthaven that the massive doors of the Guild warehouse swung open with a ponderous groan. Forth rode the Guild Master, Hibobu, purple-robed and keenly alert, mounted upon one of his noble riding Thags. He led a heavily laden and well-guarded caravan toward the opened North Gate. Thus, parading into the bright morning, the wealth and might of the Guild were displayed for all to behold.Two great draft Thags immense wagons, while no less than seven war Thags bore archers in their colourful howdahs. Bringing up the rear came the handsome Captain Shulgi and the green-haired Hildaga, both seated upon their own proud riding beasts. The odd little spearmen rode their tigers along left and right of the column. So passed the procession, stately and imposing, into the open road beyond.

Editor's Note: I believe I have used SEEN to fix the Army Recon systems of other games. ACKS' system has too many rolls (check out "Winning Secrets 2" to learn more of my thoughts on this) to be useful. But I instituted a new campaign rule that Marching Armies must needs make a SEEN check (and possibly post) when their Armies "Head Out" and then when their armies "Arrive". If your SEEN post needs to be "Open" then you have to hint at your numbers and where you're heading to. You're also obliged to make a SEEN check if you're calling your banners to war. This will allow players with armies to get some sense of what sort of war preparation and marching their opponents (and allies) may be up to. So with that, myself and the BROSR have easily solved yet another big annoying gaming problem. "DND is a wargame" and "buy my stupid retroclone" dweebs have been yammering for years and have offered nothing this useful to making D&D A WARGAME. This discovery would have been the greatest gaming innovation of their lives, had they thought of it. For me, it was a Tuesday. You're welcome.

6/29/26

The Pale Stone Returns

The strange pale stone has once again appeared above the sacrificial temple in the Dawnlands. Reports of inhuman howling have increased and illness seems to strike with increased fervor and tenacity!

Disease checks for July will be made with a +4% penalty as blood sacrifices call Niflheim closer to Umbros.

06/29/26

Moriva Prepares Siege Engines

Travelers report a felling of trees in the lands held by Moriva. This, coupled with the noises of construction that can be heard at all hours of the night, imply that Moriva is undertaking some grand design. The intent is as yet unknown, but it is rumored that the lich intends to march on one of her neighbors and is preparing siege engines to that purpose.

06/29/26

Abner Perry Alive?! and changed...

Hushed rumors from runaway slaves of the Mahar tell of Abner Perry, somehow still alive, subject to the same experiments he performs on the unhappy victims who become the dwelvemen. But his outcome was different. Suddenly he was younger, more graceful, healthier, and... shorter.

06/29/26

Hibobu Speaks at the Ruined Temple

Hibobu climbs to the steps of the ruined temple and addresses the citizens. "Citizens of Firsthaven, Followers of the Homestone, our valiant Prince has gone to hunt the villian Ferigno. We pray for his success. In the meantime we are left with our temple damaged but not beyond repair. I Hibobu, Master of the Merchant's Guild vow to see the temple repaired and brought to it's previous glory. More glorious than anyone has ever seen! To that end, my personal engineer, Thadius Thrumple will direct any able bodied men willing to help in this holy work. I will pay any who volunteer 1 silver piece per week, plus one meal. I further pledge 1,000 GP for materials and skilled laborers. Work begins tomorrow. Present yourself to Thadius to be placed on payroll. The Homestone bless you all."

06/29/26

A Second Sun Over the Glarewood

In the days after the Battle of Firsthaven, rumors began to spread about a private council between Prince Ronan, Ironrider of Goldhold, and Coralynth the dragon. Cain & Hibobu were noticed taking part as well, yet leaving early with looks none too pleased.

Some days later, Coralynth rose from the waters with a newly fixed howdah upon her back. Ronan climbed aboard with Ironrider and some of his dwarven warriors. A robed magic user was seen joining them, carrying a shimmering magic staff. Stranger still, Coralynth was seen carrying a huge squid from the deeps, no doubt for some very serious purpose, or perhaps because dragons have their own ideas about what counts as sensible battle planning.

Then she flew northwest, toward the Glarewood. For nearly a day there was no word.

Then a great light bloomed in the sky over the Glarewood. Even that blinding forest was made dim by comparison. The sky flashed white and silver, and a thunderous boom rolled out over the trees.

Some wanderers and hairy men from the outer thorps say they saw it. They now talk in frightened and superstitious ways, as such men often do when they see something terrible and do not know whether to blame gods, wizards, dragons, or taxes. Some even swearing they heard Ferigno's terrible laugh echo behind the boom of the second sun.

Those who look northwest after dark say something still shimmers above the Glarewood. But no word has returned from Ronan, Ironrider, Coralynth or even the mysterious mage. The citizens of Firsthaven grow anxious and the most faithful of them gather at the ruined temple of the Home Stone with the prayers Ronan taught them echoing from dry lips. No word comes from the Stone, though the light still pulses at circadian rhythms. Even those men less faithful, in Firsthaven, are beginning to count their princes, allies, and hopes, and finding the numbers much smaller than they were before.

Editor's Note: Every week I make these posts and think "this is the Convergence and gaming moment that UMBROS will be known for because it's so wild and game changing". And every week my players top themselves. The ripples of this event with (probably) 2 Factions and a major PC being eradicated have already greatly impacted the campaign world of UMBROS. What do you do when the Lawful Good Paladin of the game world's Lawful Good city is gone? As a PC do you try to take advantage of it? If you're a Faction, do you try to march on the city and take it? If you're a thief guildmaster, do you try to take over the politics of the town? Who knows. Lots of options, though. Much better than Conventional D&D where your biggest choice is whether to play Angry Birds or Candy Crush between your combat round choices. 

06/29/26

A Minor Disturbance Over the Glarewood

High above the Glarewood, Ferigno flew on patrol when he noticed a strange form flying toward him. A bronze dragon carrying a giant squid with a half dozen humanoid riders.

“A squid…?”

One rider pointed his staff at Ferigno as the Wyrm let loose a Fireball.

“QUICK ABSORB IT,” Ferigno heard just before a multicolored fireball engulfed the crew, dragon, and giant squid.

“Hm… still got it.”

“Wonder who that was,” Ferigno said as he lay down for a nap. 

06/30/26

Moriva Marches East

The moment the light appeared in the sky over Glarewood, the black gates of Hel's Fortress opened. Cloaked in darkness, an army of the dead now marches East with Moriva at the head of this terrible host. Just before all light was snuffed out by some evil fulgue seeping from the Helrock itself, a glimpse of the force is seen of less than 100 undying things; skeletons, ghouls, and shadowy things called terms better forgotten by those of the living. Moriva's dark beauty glides among them. Crackling voices hiss "to Firsthaven".

Editor's Note: Another (possible, assuming it's not a lie or False Flag) hint at an army on the march. I have personally made D&D a Wargame for real, finally. Again, you're welcome.

Closing Note

This week the UMBROS campaign has essentially proven all my theories correct about the TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN. This campaign is historically good, "even with journeymen players", as one friend said to me. Yes, these players are ALL still learning. And, yes, some of their choices may have been tactically questionable (giant squid tossing?) but with TNB even midcard level play and choices from players will create the campaign of your dreams. Why are you still playing conventional D&D?