This Week in UMBROS: 07/12/26 to 07/18/26 - More Wargames than you can shake a stick at!

Looking down on UMBROS 

No one read my post last week. You guys don't want UMBROS IN PRINT? What a shame! 

However, the news posting will go on because I believe these SEEN POSTS, and these blogs putting them in chronological order, have a great deal of value for my campaign and for future campaigns looking to use BROSR methods. Can you imagine if the Blackmoor Braunstein had a record of chronological news posts like this? Or if Gary's original Gygax campaign did? It would be a treasure trove!  

"This Week in UMBROS" will be that such trove one day. 

And this week, big big BIG things happened. You may recall that last week there was a SEEN post that Ferigno was poised to attack Firsthaven AGAIN. Well that wargame was docketed. That docket was played this week. And the results of that Docket were turned into SEEN posts you'll find below from about 7/16/26 and after. 

Guess what... it wasn't Ferigno at all! 

Read on and find out who actually attacked Firsthaven and what actually happened in  REAL WARGAME BATTLE PLAYED OUT WITH MULTIPLE PLAYERS IN LIVE PLAY. UMBROS has more wargames in a month than most wargamers play in a year. 

Maybe they should celebrate our campaign more? I won't hold my breath for the Twitter posts about it.

Also this week I was on the Dundermoose podcast show with Jeffro. It was alot of fun and I explored an important 1e monster that is rarely talked about... the aids demon! You'll find none of those in UMBROS (yet) but you can listen to me and Jeffro make fun of Griff Morgan and David Wesely here:

7/10/26

Pool’s Closed

A body was found outside Tootchville, just before the Home Stone's light fell upon the Purple Hills. The identity of the man remains unknown due to the condition of the body; flesh of paper, dry and brittle bones, and shriveled eyes. Among his belongings was a piece of torn and burned cape stained with a message: POOL'S CLOSED!

07/12/26

Raid on Umbral Keep!

Passing merchants have recieved reports from sources deep in the Umbral swamp that locals saw fires in the vicinity of former headquarters of the late, unlamented Hooja. Additionally, those merchants confirm that elven figures were seen leaving the vicinity of the swamp, headed south. Explanation of how the Sly Band was caught napping or where Grundgru and his troops were remains lacking.

07/12/2026

Mounted Warriors Near Ferigno’s Lair

A deluge of disparate witnesses stretching from the Twilight Pines, through the Purple Hills, all the way to the Glarewood report various sightings of a band of mounted warriors a score in strength. Some claim they walked, some claim they flew. One witness was adamant that “they camped outside of Tootchville, planning something!” Whoever this band was, it is certain that they were armed for battle and moving quickly. The last confirmed sighting was near the rumored location of Feringo's Lair.

07/13/26

Gob Speaks

Gob was seen speaking amongst the denizens of his homeland in the Umbral Swamps

07/13/26

Return to Monke

Ooka Booka has been spending much time at the various watering holes of Tootchville talking about a “return to monk,” a repudiation of the civilized ways of the Innes regime, and how he knows he is right because of his pretty new sword. He is saying these things to pretty much anyone who will listen.

07/13/26

Song Off the Umbral Coast

Sailors and fishermen off the coast of the Umbral Lands have attested to hearing a strange, hauntingly beautiful song, which fills them with sadness. The song has been heard for nearly a week at this point, and as of this time shows no sign of stopping.

In addition, several wreaths of seaweed and driftwood have been recovered on the shores. One such wreath was found during the night, a strange collection of runes inscribed in bioluminescent algae on the driftwood. The illiterate fishermen were unable to discern its meaning before the runes faded in the morning light.

07/13/2026

Break-In at Feringo HQ?

It seems that Srrith might have retained the services of a particularly sneaky Sagoth, as reports of a break-in at Feringo HQ rise to the surface. Feringo's accountant-minon refused to discuss what, if anything, was stolen, but insurance adjusters were seen leaving in a foul mood. Feringo declined to comment, but was seen roasting his dinner with more fury than usual, and muttering about "those Mahar bastards."

07/13/26

The Homestone is Diminished

Stonegazers have conferred, and come to a rather startling conclusion. The Homestone is diminished somehow.

No ordinary person would notice, and it actually took Submaster Telekos, a 45-year tenured stonegazer, three hours, five clay tablets, and two stone slates to demonstrate the calculations required to detect the infinitesimal decrease.

After long deliberation, someone raised a startling possibility. What if someone had simply removed a portion of the stone?

There were rumors, but now there is mathematical, scientific confirmation of the possibility. What that means for the future is anyone's guess.

07/13/26

Ferigno Flies Over Tootchville

Citizens of Tootchville feared for their lives this week when out of nowhere Feringo flew overhead! Everyone took cover, preparing for the worst, but their fears were for naught. The Wyrm passed overhead and continued south, not even acknowledging the town. Later the next day he returned, coming north.

Again everyone went inside to hide, but Feringo apparently was not hungry today (or maybe someone else was the object of his appetite). Regardless, citizens have been warned to continue to be ready at a moment’s notice, as the saying goes: "A dragon always stops to eat. If he doesn't twice, beware the third."

This oddly-specific saying obviously comes from experience.

07/14/2026

Alarms at the Purple Tower

Shouting and alarms were set off in the middle of the night near the Purple Tower. Despite interviewing many of the inhabitants of the area, none were sober enough to be reliable witnesses to what all the hullabaloo was about. Request for comment by the grand magus himself, Tootch, were met with a firm shake of the head from the guard golems at the front gate. Many "witnesses" speculate about a potential break-in, but these remain unconfirmed rumors with no suspect as of this time.

07/15/26

Never Forget Harambe

SAGOTH SAW ALL. FRIEND GET LEECH IN THORAT. JUST DRINKING WATER. CHOKED RIGHT AS LEECH LET GO. NEVER FORGET HARAMBE

07/15/2026

A Tootchville Market Conversation

A passing conversation overheard in the Tootchville market:

"Did you hear?"

"What, no dearie, do you have some juicy gossip for me?"

"Of course I do... You'll never guess who came to me all in a rush this morning looking to buy clothes"

"...clothes?"

"Well, more like 'pants' specifically. Serevas apparently had a late night run-in with one of those nasty female elves last night and woke up missing all kinds of things."

"That sick jerk; she's only 52 years old!"

07/15/26

A Cozy Retreat

Travelers of the Umbral Lands have discovered a cozy retreat under a cliff face, an ideal place to set up camp for a contingent to rest in the dark, dark lands.

07/15/26

Terror from the Deep

At the midnight hour of the Home Stone abruptly lit up, revealing a cloud of darkness roiling in from the sea. This encroaching, silent darkness quickly engulfed the docks of Firsthaven, which had been left undefended as the city rallied to fight Feringo the Green Dragon and his Vineling hordes.

As of this morning, no one has yet seen any of the invaders due to the impenetrable magical darkness surrounding them: a few recovered scraps of bone and desiccated flesh do provide some clues. These remnants, coupled with the complete lack of civilian bodies, are horrifying in their implications.

Casualties are believed to be heavy, though, again, many remain missing. Severe damage was inflicted on the entire city, with the waterfront in particular suffering from the intense combat.

The darkness returned to the deeps as abruptly as it arrived. Witnesses report that, though the cloud had fought in silence for the entire battle, a single, hollow, sepulchral voice boomed out just before its departure.

“Enjoy your pretender’s throne while you can, Dru. And you, Cain: I have a message from an old family friend. The Serpent dearly misses you and looks forward to seeing you very, very soon.”

When asked about Feringo and his army, and what they are doing now, a harried-looking official replied:

“What Feringo? There was never any Feringo. They played us all for fools!”

07/16/26

Bolo the Thief in Firsthaven

Bolo the Thief has been seen picking through the ruins of Firsthaven along with other search and recovery teams. He wears a dejected scowl, probably upset that he is now homeless again.

7/16/2026

Floydio in Tootchville

Floydio, the Elf known to be the loyal Marshall of the Host co-ordinating all the minions of Chaz, was seen all week in various locations around the town of Tootchville. No one is quite sure when he arrived, or when he intends to leave, but a perceptive observer will note that he was definitely more frequently spotted near the various taverns and pleasure houses where one might expect to find a tougher sort of personnel.

07/16/26

The Sly Band in the Fog

Dan Danface, one of the many local drunks of Tootchville, stumbled into a ditch last night. When he awoke, he was just in time to see several of the Sly Band slinking off into the fog near town, headed for points unknown.

7/16/2026

Firsthaven Stands

Prince Dru looked out from the tower of the Homestone, gazing over the destruction of Firsthaven. The southeastern portion of the city was completely gone, and the remainder barely saved through the blood, sweat, and tears of the brave men who sacrificed their lives and worked through the night to halt the fires’ spread. Now, while smoke rose lazily from the wreckage, a great pyre burned outside the walls, its fetid smoke drifting putridly with the westward wind. Dru looked towards the sea, where the dread queen of undeath retreated beneath the waves, beyond the reach of even Cain the Kinslayer. He turned once more to the gleaming stone behind him, receiving a small grace of a spark of hope. Despite everything, Firsthaven stood; the Homestone still shone. So long as those two things remained true, there would always be hope.

7/16/2026

The Charge of the Thag Brigade

The Shiny Guard lead by Kwaja the Sharper stormed through the north gate of First Haven to repel the undead hordes rising from the sea. Amongst all the death and chaos, Kwaja valiantly lead four war thags into the morass of undead, turning a horde of ghouls to a stinking paste under tusk and hoof! Despite losing one thag in the effort, Marovia's horde fled back into the depths not three minutes later, no doubt fearing what another charge would mean to her foul plans. Though First Haven must rebuild from this attack, surely their just leaders will offer some reward to the city’s saviors!

07/17/26

Moriva Beneath the Waves

Rumors persist that Moriva has not returned to her dread citadel after the assault upon Firsthaven. Instead, fishermen, pearl divers, and even mariners of less excitable reputation now whisper that the Lich Queen has gone below, taking refuge in the cold depths just off the coast.

The signs are difficult to dismiss. Marine life has almost entirely departed the immediate waters around Firsthaven. Nets come up empty. Crabs flee the shore in unpleasant numbers. Even the gulls wheel high above the bay and refuse to settle upon the waves. Those few who have dared sail near the darker waters report patches of blackness moving below the surface where no shadow ought to be, drifting not like silt but with unnatural stops and starts.

Once, during a low fog, a sailor swore he heard hammers ringing beneath the sea. Another crew pulled up an anchor fouled with black mud, a human jawbone wrapped in seaweed, and a scrap of worked stone carved with the sign of Hel. Mariners are now convinced that something is being built beneath the waves, constructed by things which do not breath. They report a “really creepy feeling, like we’re being watched, y’know?” The old men of the docks now make the sign of the Stone before launching their boats, though fewer boats launch each day.

07/17/26

Cain Speaks

Cain, as usual, has had much to say. Though he's made no official proclamation about the Second Battle of Firsthaven, onlookers and servants have gathered much of his thoughts from his usual cranky monologuing to whoever happens to be listening:

"My efforts to protect the people of Firsthaven and destroy evil were doomed from the start as they were tied to the anchor that is Dru. False reports of Ferigno outside the city wasted my time and took me away from the assault. Where were the guards within the city? On the walls awaiting the same false dragon Dru had been duped with, taking mere street rumors at their word and passing them along to his city has gospel. I was robbed of the chance to destroy whichever evil thing may have been coming. My absence was the meant doom for the city that night. Without me this whole world is doomed."

07/17/26

The Rich Get Richer

Word comes from the Glarewood that Hibobu, Master of the Merchant Guild, has done something either magnificently bold or commercially deranged: he has robbed Feringo blind!

The tale is already much embellished. It contains dragon treasure, war thags, vinelings, poisoned flowers, and, by several reports, a fiend in denim. Yet the chief fact remains firm. Feringo was absent from his lair, and Hibobu’s caravan did not retreat from the Green Wyrm’s tower. Those who have since dared the Glarewood report a scene of fine disorder. The tower door was shattered, the threshold blackened by fire, and dead vinelings lay among broken arrows, spilled oil, torn vines, and purple flowers of an unhealthy aspect.

"I creeped close, I did,” said one sojourner, “thinking perhaps a shiny thing had been left behind. But then came that strange jazz bass from the ruin, and a man with sense retreats.”

Others speak of an apparition moving with the music: wild-eyed, shadowy, and dressed, impossibly, in denim. Whether it served Feringo or merely haunted the place, none can say. No treasure remained for lesser thieves. Only silver-tipped arrows, torn wagon-cloth of Hibobu's colors, and the marks of heavy wheels.

One Hroko, a Glarewood scavenger of limited prudence, swears he saw Hibobu’s wagons depart laden and low.

“He robbed the Wyrm,” said Hroko. “I waited to follow him back to Firsthaven, but may the Home Stone strike me down, the man turned north. North!”

Should Feringo return, he will find a broken door, a burned threshold, dead servants, missing treasure, and the wagon tracks of a merchant prince leading north

07/18/26

Mahar Princess in the Dawnspires

A Mahar princess was seen traversing the Dawnspires, her retinue of Dwelvemen lugging plenty of cargo alongside them.

07/18/26

Bayou Krashir’s Coffin Story

Bayou Krashir is the most notorious gossip in the Umbral Swamps. So when he came lumbering into Tootchville with a barrel full of the strongest hootch you can drink, folks stopped by to listen. As always, the colorful moonshiner's story didn't disappoint:

"So here I was, draggin this 'eer draught up the peak othersidea Goldhold, and whadja-I see but my brother Sloppy and three of his mates haulin' two ornate boxes up the hill. Prettiest coffins I ever did see. Now I don' read much, but the shapes on them lids had names on 'em."

Bayou sketches a pair of names in the dirt: Vandoro, and Sagmi.

"I was 'bout to walk up and give the ole' yokel a fine greetin' when he gestured for me to git. Shouted that it wasn't none of my business, that I should leave while I still could. Before they woke up. Guess it was them vamps I been hearin' bout lately. I reckon they’re settin up shop there for a little while at least."

Do you know how to DURS? Neither do 
Dundermoose's listeners!

This Week in UMBROS: 07/01/26 to 07/10/26 - UMBROS IN PRINT NOW

Another week or so passed in UMBROS to begin the month of July 2026. If you don't already know, UMBROS is my D&D campaign ran with a TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN approach. Meaning it's real D&D and your campaign isn't. But your campaign can be if you pick up my UMBROS MODULE. 

Get it now. It's at cost!

It's been available as a free pdf on DrivethruRPG for months now but, as of yesterday you can now get it in PRINT ON LULU. Click the links embedded in that sentence to find them. I am selling the physical book AT COST meaning I MAKE NO MONEY ON IT. You're only paying for printing cost and whatever junk fees Lulu dot com rips you off with.

Upon reading UMBROS you will see what a Real D&D campaign can be. Upon reading the below news posts (created by the campaign's actual players with SEEN) you will see what Total Gaming Enlightenment looks like. 

I hope you enjoy reading these posts and your imagination fires with the possibilities of your own campaign. In fact, I invite anyone reading this to run their UMBROS campaign in THIS SAME GAME WORLD with the same news elements. My "This Week in UMBROS" series is really all you need to join the fun and have your adventurers exist in this same game world. Reach out to me in the comments below, or on elon's stupid app, if you're interested in having your adventurers compete with the Hel Delvers for treasure, cash and prized. And prestige! 

Enjoy!

UMBROS NEWS FROM 07/01/26 TO 07/10/26

07/01/26

An Appeal to the Home Stone

Thedd Dredd knelt in quiet contemplation, mourning the loss of Prince Ronan and so many of the fallen. The Litany of the Stone ran through his mind, but the words seemed nearly hollow.

His faith had been tested on more than occasion before, and Thedd had not lost hope. Yet, he realized the situation for those on the Path of virtue and justice was growing grim. Moriva in the west was making advances, Tootch remained holed up in his tower, seemingly ambivalent to the disaster unfolding in the world. The demonic forces of Hel not only challenged them in the dungeon, but have made their presence known in the south of the Dawnlands. And even now, the Mahar marched on - driven by a force yet unseen. Who now was left that could draw victory from the jaws of defeat?

"CAIN!" Thedd cried out, rising from his meditation. Those in Tootchville could hear his voice ring out like a bell.

"I will bear your mark! I will take on this burden! Train me in your ways, teach me to walk the Path!"

A murmur that Thedd had lost his mind went through the village. Thedd cared not. His vision was clear.

07/01/26

Reed Speaks

Dateline Tootchville. The Syndicated Dungeon Delvers of Umbros (or whatever they’re calling themselves this week) have returned from their second foray in as many days. While the core of the group appears to be unchanged, our intrepid reporter noted a rather pasty figure with bright red hair accompanying the group. When pled for information, this individual gave his name as (we believe) “Reed”. Reed had much to say about his adventures, some of which we understood. When asked about the events of yesterday, he responded thusly. We apologize to our readers, but we couldn’t actually make out what he said so we’re trying to transcribe the noises.

“Och aye, ‘twas a bonny auld taime. ‘Teh Jimsoons wuir tryain’ tae extortionate oos, an’ aye gaiss tey’d ailridy kilt a fayer few was trayin’ tae goo an divver. We popped teh duir jess faine, tarrns oot tey wuir furmed oop insayde all riddy, so’s I hit ‘em wüith ant angle, stooped ‘em did in te’ir traiks laik. Ifter tat, ‘twas trivial tae sook ‘em an oil. Went up in a bonny auld bonfayer it did, Ai’m suir bridge it (Brigid?) was lauwrfin’ ‘er faery ‘ead oof, bless ‘tae lass. ‘It ‘teir lider wit’ ae faery fayer (Note: we have no idea what he’s on about here) tui. Guess oon of uir clairecs ‘ad a bit oov ai gruige ‘gainst ‘em, sae’s ‘e jiss merc’d ‘em on tae spoot. Guid coinage too.”

We have absolutely no idea what happened, but the group seemed pretty happy.

Editors Note: I don't know what he's talking about either.

7/1/2026

Hibobu Speaks in Tootchville

In the first breath of dawn, when the Homestone still dreamed beneath its veil of ash-blue light,
Hibobu and Hildaga walked the road to the market-square of Tootchville.
They came as traders come in old tales,
with purpose in their stride and the weight of distant lands upon their cloaks.

They mounted the steps of the central fountain,
the stone worn smooth by generations,
and there Hibobu stood, waiting as the people gathered like reeds around a riverbank.
When the murmuring quieted, he lifted his voice,
a voice seasoned by caravans, storms, and long memory:

“People of Tootchville, hear and know.
We are come from Firsthaven, bearing trade, purchase, and sale.
Even now my merchants set their tables beyond your gate.
Who among you lacks what we carry?
The seamstress her needles and bolts,
the farmer his implements,
the soldier his arms,
the house-frau her flour and rye grain.
We await you with honest trade and friendly barter.
Those with private business may seek me in my tent.
And if any know the path of a guild-caravan that passed here of late,
a reward awaits true words.
Act swiftly, friends, for our stay is short.”

Thus his speech settled upon the square like morning dew,
and the people murmured,
for Hibobu spoke with the certainty of one favored by the road-gods.

07/01/26

PRINCE RONAN PRESUMED DEAD, CAPTAIN DRU ASSUMES POWER IN FIRSTHAVEN

"Breaking news out of Firsthaven today! Dru, formerly Captain of the Prince Ronan's elite bodyguard, has publicly proclaimed that Prince Ronan is quote, 'probably dead,' end quote, and that the time has come for the tribe to select a new chief. We go now to Kadiz Kurik, our reporter on the ground."

"That's right, Grash. According to ancient Pellucdarian tradition, when there is no clear heir to the chiefdom, any member of the tribe who wishes may step forward and proclaim himself chief, and must accept all challengers. Dru was the first to throw his hat in the ring. We've had no less than eight electrifying matches today and Dru's showing no signs of slowing down! This last fight will determine the new - - oh, oh! - Dru's got him in a figure four! He's tapping, the challenger is tapping! Dru is the new Chief of Firsthaven! You heard it here on UNN first, folks, Dru is the new head honcho in the Dawnlands!!"

Editor's Note: This action and situation was happened thanks to rumors of Ronan's demise from last week's news. And the Braunstein Session I ran with Ferigno vs Ronan and assorted good guys in the previous week. Everyone thinks Ronan is dead so the town needs a successor, yes? What better way for a civilized primeval city At the Earth's Core to decide on succession than through combat!

07/02/2026

Zartan Visits the Money-Lenders

Zartan begrudgingly made his way to the money-lenders. His disappointing haul from his Hel Delve would not pay for his extended stay at Tootchville for very long. If he wasn’t careful, he’d be back doing clerical work, or worse. He had a mind for magic, and nothing short of death would keep him from his pursuit of it. His determination forced him out of bed, despite the persistent cramping he felt in his abdomen.

As his business concluded with the lenders, the cramping reached a nauseating peak. The money lender handed him a bag of freshly minted Hibobu shinies, to which Zartan immediately opened the bag and profusely vomited in it. The two shared stunned glances at each other for a moment.
“Can I have a different bag?”
“... No.”

07/02/26

Ghouls in the Civilized Lands

Continued rumors of the dead marching across the land. It is unknown what their purpose is, but ghouls have been, on occasion, spotted in the civilized lands of Umbros.

7/3/2026

The Missing Sword

Arguments break out as some unseen force crashes through several stalls set up for the Arcane Fair, sending oddities such as gold femurs, ferrets of only slightly unusual size, and Kabbages™ flying across the street! The clearly overwhelmed "project manager" Keblar attempted to calm the chaos as apprentices swarmed him.

Soon after, a demanding adventurer pushed through the red-faced ranters and asked "Dude, where's my sword?!" Some time later, the selfsame adventurer was seen lifting his new blade high into the air and yelling "One Cee Two One One Six!" None understood the odd shout, but rumor says Tootch's Golem Butler fainted on the spot! The adventurer, for his part, left the scene with sword sheathed.

7/3/2026

The Sagoths Depart Umbral Keep

The gates of the Umbral Keep opened, and the waters of the Umbral Swamp rippled with the heavy steps of Grundgru and his men, flanked on both sides by the massive forms of their dinosaurs, the heavy chains rattling between them, their handlers, and the cattle appropriated from the village.

“Come on, you dogs! The masters say we move, so we move!” Grundgru calls out. Behind him, several slaves carry a covered palanquin, from which gleam two pairs of glowing red eyes.
The procession disappeared into the darkness of the swamp, heading south.

7/4/26

The Arcane Fair Begins

Exciting, wondrous, and only somewhat deadly: The Arcane Fair is underway! Apprentice mages and researchers will be giving lectures and showing off their dioramas to interested parties, and to gain favor in the Purple Tower. Rumours are that even the magnanimous Tootch will be making appearances!*

*Some restrictions may apply

7/4/26: Night

Night at the Arcane Fair

Celebration, assault, or prank? Colourful explosions decorate the skies around Tootchtown! Smoke and Croaking mix with the laughter of pranksters, invisible or otherwise, are heard as robes are flipped, tables are tossed, and other shenanigans spread throughout the masses.

Tootch was not available (or visible) for comment, but Keblar was heard shouting: "It is all part of the show! Please do not be alarmed (you absolute fools)!"

07/06/26

Hibobu's Crier once again strides through the streets of Tootchville:

"HEY YA, HEY YA, HEY YA!
MASTER HIBOBU IS IN NEED OF ADVENTURERS.
STOUT MEN WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND OTHERS
A CHOICE REWARD AWAITS THE TEAM WHICH SUCCEEDS.
COME TO THE TENT OF HIBOBU ANY WILLING HEARTIES.
THE WEAK AND STUPID NEED NOT APPLY. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
HEY YA, HEY YA, HEY YA!"

07/06/26

Chaz Appears!

Beside each mirror which had previously been used to send a Twilight Whisper message, lies a small bouquet of flowers, and tiny note written in sloppy elf-script. Beware the flowers thorns, though. It appears that Chaz (now operated by [PLAYER DISCORD NAME]) has finished his midsummer revelry and decided to take a more active role in this Hel-ish land.

Editor's Note: I have invited new players to the campaign to run Faction Leaders. Chaz was being played for a long time with me NPCing him. But I'm happy to say I will no longer need to do that. Somehow this player may actually be more Chaz than me... and I invented the character back in Trollopulous! That's saying something...

07/06/26

The Green Wyrm Returns to Firsthaven!

Chaos and consternation in Firsthaven today as the Green Dragon Ferigno, at the head of yet another horde of his abominable Vinelings, arrived at Firsthaven and laid siege to the town yet again. Though his first attack was narrowly repulsed, all of the heroes who stopped him are dead. The town asks: who can save us now?

Editor's Note: This news report has become a DOCKETED wargame with the Assaulting Force vs The Defending Force. The Good guys are hopeful that the new ruler of Firsthaven, Dru, is up to the task to keeping Ferigno (or whatever is assaulting the city) from finishing off civilization completely. I docketed this wargame by placing the summary of the scenario, the two sides, and special considerations in one place. Then, it was offered to my campaign (or anyone who wants to run it) with a TWO Players and ONE Referee. I'm tired of solo wargaming. It sucks. We all know it sucks. As I said in my influential post "The 'Winning Secrets' to Having a D&D Campaign with Wargaming"  Docketing, GOSS, and SEEN have made Wargaming in D&D feasible again. You can thank me now or back the upcoming "Winning Secrets 2" when it drops to thank me later. Because I expound at length on these findings and what it means for TTRPGs. (Spoiler: it solves everything.) I hope to have the results of this Docket to you and this news feed next week. Stay tuned!

07/06/26

The Lost Caravan Reward

Rumor has it that Hibobu will pay 4,000 GP to those who return the "Lost Caravan" to Tootchville.

Editor's Note: This turned into the Adventure Session this week which was played on 07/07/26 as we tried to collect the big reward from the Faction Leader players running Tootch. You can read the session report from the DM here. I was Azkin the elf in that session and I can tell you we did NOT collect the 4,000 GP. We only managed to get 2 of our members killed. Enjoy!

7/6/26

A Shadow in the Umbral Swamps

A shadow has been seen lurking in the Umbral Swamps, lurking amongst the mosquitoes and mongrelmen.

07/06/26

Sagoths in Goldhold

A contingent of Sagoths marched straight through to Goldhold, picking over the remnants of the once-great Dwarven kingdom. It is reported that they were muttering about discovering "hot vats for make new shorties" and that "Queen Srrith will be pleased."

07/07/26

Ranak Hires Slingers

Ranak the fighter hires five slingers to serve as men-at-arms. The group was seen practicing their marksmanship while drilled by Ranak just outside the town's gate, whipping small stones at lighting speed at targets with little skulls painted on them.

07/07/26

TOOTCH DODGING PAYMENT TO HIRELINGS: WIZARD NOT A MAN OF HIS WORD?

Tootch recently put out a call for hirelings, promising extravagant rewards for an unknown mission. Now that the bill has come due, the purple mage has always been “in a meeting,” “conducting an important experiment,” or “in the middle of lessons.”

This shifty behavior has led some to decry Tootch as “Tootch the Purple Miser,” “the Stingy Sorcerer,” and other very funny, very creative epithets.

07/07/26

The Fairwatch Scouts

The Fairwatch, led by Tupo the fearsome Elven Figher, began scouting for monsters in a preliminary subduing action at Hex 13.13, returning with basic information about most monster numbers and some likely positions. It seems that Chaz is interested in expanding his little tree fort...

07/07/26

The Hel Delvers Return Short

Dateline Tootchville: the Hel Delvers returned from an expedition a few members short. When asked what occurred, their druid had this to say (we apologize in advance):

"We wint oof tae fin some jit kervan got loes. Took laik oon stip ootsaid an' ran intae a bliddy tie Ronner sers ricks. Ay popped tae'nvisblity 'n we all scarpered. Oon of as got itten, puir fella. Kipt lookin', foond a waggin. Ranak'n'crui wint tae lewk, lackless sods t'ae wuir. Got cau 'n quicksand 'n itten by ay bliddy wiellllwui. wiellllwui zapped me bae' goo' tui. Lots'o dith'n nae tae shew fuir et."

7/7/2026

TOOTCH & CHAZ SECRET WAR SUMMIT?

MYSTERIOUS MERCHANT LEAVES WIZARD'S TOWER SMILING! DRAGON SHOWDOWN IMMINENT?

TOOTCHVILLE, July 7 — What is the reclusive Prince Mage plotting behind the locked doors of Tootch Tower?

Eyewitnesses watched wealthy merchant Hibobu enter the tower earlier today, remaining inside for an unusually long private audience with the enigmatic wizard. What transpired during that meeting remains a closely guarded secret, but moments after leaving the tower, Hibobu was overheard speaking to his young assistant.

According to one witness, the merchant declared:

"Tootch has contacted Chaz and they will meet at Firsthaven." or words to that affect.

If true, this astonishing revelation could mean that two of the most powerful figures in the known world are preparing to confront the dreaded Dragon Ferigno!

Could a legendary alliance be forming? Is an epic battle only days away?

The Tootchville Enquirer cannot verify the witness's account. We report what our sources tell us—and let our readers decide.

One fact, however, is beyond dispute.

Master Hibobu emerged from the tower wearing a broad smile rarely seen on the famously cautious merchant. His expression suggested a man whose worries had suddenly become someone else's problem.

Coincidence?

Our readers may judge for themselves.

7/8/2026

Hibobu's Bazaar Closes

At mid-day today Hibobu's bazaar was declared closed. Tents and tables were struck and loaded into the enormous wagons. Some final sales were closed but it was obvious that the merchants were distracted. Apparently they will be marching out tomorrow, 9th. A notice is posted that any having further business can contact Hildaga, who is remaining behind.

7/9/2026

Hibobu's Caravan Departs

As the first rays of the Homestone touched Tootchville, the merchant caravan stirred to life. Cooking fires were smothered beneath damp earth, and the last bundles found their places amid shouted orders and practiced haste. For a few moments the camp was a maze of dust, beasts, and men crossing one another in controlled confusion.

Then, almost impossibly, the chaos dissolved.

The great thags lumbered into single file, harnesses creaking as each beast settled into line. Drivers checked straps one final time, guards climbed to their howdahs, and the long column stretched southward like a living serpent.

Hibobu rode to the fore and surveyed his caravan with the satisfied eye of a man who had spent a lifetime turning disorder into profit. Raising a single hand, he gave the signal.

The tiger scouts bounded ahead without hesitation, vanishing into the morning mist. Behind them, with the groan of leather and timber and the slow thunder of padded feet, the caravan rolled forward into the southern forest.

Editor's Note: Remember last week when I solved the problem of Wargame Army Marching Recon? Yeah. This is some of the fruit from that solution. Essentially I force marching armies to make a SEEN check when they muster and leave a location. This gives hints to the other Wargame players (Faction Leaders, leveled PCs etc) of what armies are mustering and marching where. If it's "Open" then the marching army's player must hint at their numbers and where they're headed to. If it's "hidden action" they can hide the destination. Etc. Again. This solves the Wargaming Problem of DMs being frazzled trying to keep up with how thick the Fog of War is for various other wargame campaign players. It takes me bascially no time because the wargame army player makes the SEEN roll and the SEEN post. I just cut and paste. I've heard that some of the Legacy BROSR are whispering in dark corners that my use of SEEN here has solved no wargaming problems (I have Braunstein style spies everywhere) but I'd counter with pointing out that only the most cavernskull wargamer campaigners or those who DONT ACTUALLY PLAY fail to see see what MEGA PROBLEM this solves. Again, you're welcome.

7/10/26

Tootch's Apprentice Returns

An apprentice of Tootch was seen leaving the barn many of the Hel Delvers occupy between adventures at a brisk pace. The young man’s robes were caked in mud and he was carrying four large clinking sacks. He was last seen making a beeline to his quarters trying (poorly) to look as inconspicuous as possible.

07/10/26

Hippogriff-Riding Elves

Upon returning to Tootchville from a recent adventure, some slingers which the Hel Delver party took out into the jungle mentioned having seen a few dozen hippogriff riding elves in skies above the purple jungle, sporting the colors of Chaz and the Twilight Pines.
"They was most certainly looking for the lost merchant caravan like us! They was watching us! Keeping tabs on where the wagon was!" some onlookers heard the slingers say. When the adventurers and onlookers asked why the slingers didn't mention this to their adventurer leaders during their travels the slingers responded "you didn't ask".

Conclusion

May Jesus Christ, the Son of God, protect and keep you. May His face shine upon you. Amen.

This Week in UMBROS: 06/23/26 to 06/30/26 - Making D&D a Wargame for real

when you tell Ferigno you still play 
conventional d&d

After the Battle of Firsthaven, you might expect the world to take a breath. It did not. Instead you see escalating consequences and rumors (in SEEN posts) that may or may not be true but are absolutely somebody’s problem.This is just one reason why a TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN far superior to Conventional D&D play. 

Some believe you need a great deal of Diffusion to go with Convergences Real D&D but I've found that 3 Convergences to 1 Diffusion in a campaign works just fine. Players seem to agree since they're just stacking the grand convergences. 

Even so, I'm allowing more Diffusion than I normally would because the SEEN SYSTEM removes most of the negatives of farmdweeding; most importantly the way in which BROSR campaigns like Dubzaron would see PCs or Faction Leaders accruing great resources and armies essentially in secret, due to a Fog of War being as thick as yogurt. (For an explanation of all this and why this problem happens, check out this blog post.)

With these posts you'll notice some things going on which are likely Diffusion. But at least SOMETHING is known about them in the campaign as a whole. I'll note some of the Diffusion actions below in Editor's Notes.

This week covers the immediate ripples after the massive Convergence of the Battle of Firsthaven and the growing dread around the Glarewood. Prince Ronan, Ironrider, Coralynth, and one mysterious mage have gone missing after a weirding explosion in the sky over the Glarewood. Basically the Faction players followed up one Grand Convergence (The Battle of Firsthaven) with another just a week later. The post about this is called "A Second Sun Over Glarewood" on 06/29/26. That Convergence has flipped that campaign state yet again just a week after the massive battle. 

Hibobu has started acting like the richest man in town during a crisis, which is to say he is spending money, hiring men, loading wagons, and making grand public proclamations. Moriva is on the march. The Sagoths are back to rallying around the Mahar who, for their part, are doing Mahar things. These Faction Actions appear to be Diffusion of farming resources or moving armies/units and such. In past BROSR games, this sort of thing would have been essentially secret but in UMBROS, thanks to SEEN, it's gameable.

But enough with the theory, lets move on to the "story". As always, the following SEEN posts are presented as in-world reports, rumors, gossip, lies, half-truths, and the occasional outrageous FACT. It's possible most of this is complete lies and psyops of players trying to get an edge on one another. Don't believe their lies! Or do. It's probably more fun that way.

Enjoy!

6/23/2026

Supermen From Firsthaven?

A muck farmer outside Umbral Keep witnessed a strange sight. A small band of men traveling along the far side of the river were ambushed by an entire nest of giant centipedes. The farmer thought them lost, but the creatures flailed and bit the travelers to no avail. When the creatures began to overwhelm them, the travelers ripped the centipedes in twain with their bare hands! After the men left towards Umbral Keep, the farmer recovered a broken pike distinctly Firsthaven made. Surely Prince Ronan has engineered some new form of man and is moving to consolidate his power in the Umbral Swamps now that Hooja is out of the way.

06/24/26

Spectral Riders in the Dawnlands

Reports in the Dawnlands of a group of spectral figures appearing at random to save travelers from peril. These figures are said to bear some resemblance to the late Order of the Iguanodon, though gaunt, pale, and wreathed in spectral flame. One group of travelers reported being set upon by monsters in the night, only for these revenants to ride down from the sky and drive back the nightmarish creatures encircling them.

06/27/26

Azkin's Instruments

If Azkin the Elf Thief/Fighter is to be believed, the Hel Delver party was highly successful during their trip to the local megadungeon this week. While some find it far fetched, he is hear claiming that the party "copped a bunch of musical instruments made out of precious metals" from the dungeon. "Tootch loved the stuff and gave us a big payout over 2,000 gp for the lot." While seemingly feasible, this nice payout doesn't explain why some onlookers claim to have seen Azkin conspiring with local elves to create an Elf Autonomous Zone within Tootchville. Details are sketchy but rumors claim he was "looking shady" and "talking and engaging in martial arts with local elf luminaries".

Editor's Note: Azkin is my adventuring PC. A while back it occurred to me that Faction Leaders who play in the Braunstein Type II (or Downtime Play/ Play By Post) aspects of these campaigns are never too certain what the Adventuring Parties who do session play are up to. So I instituted some class/role based checks to make and then certain types of SEEN posts that PCs may need to make (if they fail the roll). For Azkin, being a Thief, he's obliged to make a SEEN post about the treasure he took out of the recent adventure/delve if he fails a Hide in Shadows check. If he succeeds then he can make no post or make up a bunch of fake info. This allows faction leaders and others in the campaign world to somewhat gauge how successful the sessions are going. And adds another wrinkle to Thieves pickpocketing from the party. No longer can a thief hide in the fog of war 100% as he accrues great wealth. Sometimes hints might slip out that he's doing better than the party... somehow. "He maybe it's because he's stealing from us?!" Maybe. Azkin isn't. He's a great guy. Very loyal. Team player. 

06/27/26

Malcontents Could be Here...

The Monk who has been seen in the dungeoneering group in Tootchville was savagely beaten in the town square today. Witnesses report that Senehem issued an open challenge to anyone who wished to test their prowess in unarmed combat, a challenge which was taken up by a dozen malcontents. Simultaneously. This incident mostly proved the hoary old adage about "strength in numbers", as the monk was rapidly surrounded and beaten down. The assailants then attempted to rob their unconscious victim, only to be thwarted by the monk's complete lack of material possessions. They settled instead for destruction of property, vandalism, and some manure throwing for good measure.

6/27/2026

Tales From The Bone Zone

Hibobu's thag riders currently employed by the Hel Delvers were regaling tavern maids of their exploits in the Hel Dungeon while carousing in Tootchvile: "You don't understand love, EVERYTHING was made of bones! We pushed through down a staircase and the walls, the doors, the floor - the whole damn complex was made of skeletons. We saw skeleton knights, skeleton musicians, you open a door and the only thing we could see is skeleton hands grasping for our throats! I've got a much nicer bone I can show you tonight if you catch my meaning..." It is unknown if the mercenaries conquests outside of the dungeon were more successful that evening, though at least one rider was seen wearing the ale he ordered before the night had ended.

06/27/26

The Sagoths March

Out of the Umbral Swamps, the Sagoths march once again! After months of rudderless bickering following the slaying of Srith the Lizard Queen, the ape-men mouthpieces of the Mahar are now organized and on the move.

Editor's Note: The Mahar Faction hasn't had a human player behind it at any point in the history of UMBROS. A very cool BROSR member, this week, found this so absurd he asked to run the Mahar in the Faction Tier. This was sort of his introduction that the Faction now had a player. Back during Dubzaron I used to let Factions hide for a time and have players believe they were NPCs because it became so common for the adventuring party to use session play to kill off a faction leader. Because, when a DM controls a character, he simply plays them much worse than if they have a Player behind them like a PVP game. But I've decided this hiding whether a faction is PC or NPC isn't fun play and it creates extra work for the DM for negative return. Introduce yourselves!

06/27/26

Business at the Guild House

Despite dark rumors stealing forth from the depths of Glare Wood, business continued its steady course at the Guild House of Firsthaven. There the giant caravan wagons stood in formidable array, their lofty frames groaning beneath the ceaseless labour of loading. All manner of goods were heaved aboard while the air rang with shouts and the creak of ropes and timbers. Passersby paused to observe the spectacle, for it was a sight to stir any man with an eye for the world’s affairs.Runners darted through the narrower streets, calling at small shops and warehouses to purchase yet more wares and swell the growing cargo. Thus the currents of commerce flowed on, unheeding.Notably, one rubber-necked idler was heard to declare with rough eloquence: “I seen them swampers packin’ all manner of truck—even iron weapons, and some ’o that shiny armour they wear.”So it was that the ordinary pursuits of men pressed forward with undiminished vigour, while the shadow of unknown tidings lingered upon the edge of things.

Editor's Note: Seems like Diffusion right? The Merchant faction is buying or building something... Good thing he's not totally hiding behind a fog of war thanks to DM attention bottleneck. Thank you DM Serious for creating SEEN!

06/27/26

Weirding at Tootch's Tower but what else is new

The word on the canyon is that something happened in Tootch's Tower.

What that something is hasn't been clearly determined. Alchemy, magic, genetics, alchemigenetics, nobody is really certain.

What is certain is that Tootch seems unimpressed with the outcome and is pushing ahead towards an indeterminate goal that may spell disaster or glory for Inner Earth. Hell, it may spell 'fish and chips'. The rumor network isn't what it used to be, that's what all the oldheads are saying.

06/28/26

Preparations for the Arcane Fair

Preparations for the Arcane Fair continue to stir around the Purple Tower. Stalls for snacks and displays have started popping up all across Tootchtown offering all manner of the strange and definitely magical for the samplings of the peons in Umbros.

All is not smooth, however, as reports from within the reaches of the Purple Tower claim to hear the Eternal Magus making a racket as occasional streams of smoky letters drift from its heights. Some witnesses claim to have seen the words "diamond," "power," and "Elf" in various states of dissipation.

06/28/26

Hibobu Rides Out

It was but moments after the Homestone shed its blessed light upon Firsthaven that the massive doors of the Guild warehouse swung open with a ponderous groan. Forth rode the Guild Master, Hibobu, purple-robed and keenly alert, mounted upon one of his noble riding Thags. He led a heavily laden and well-guarded caravan toward the opened North Gate. Thus, parading into the bright morning, the wealth and might of the Guild were displayed for all to behold.Two great draft Thags immense wagons, while no less than seven war Thags bore archers in their colourful howdahs. Bringing up the rear came the handsome Captain Shulgi and the green-haired Hildaga, both seated upon their own proud riding beasts. The odd little spearmen rode their tigers along left and right of the column. So passed the procession, stately and imposing, into the open road beyond.

Editor's Note: I believe I have used SEEN to fix the Army Recon systems of other games. ACKS' system has too many rolls (check out "Winning Secrets 2" to learn more of my thoughts on this) to be useful. But I instituted a new campaign rule that Marching Armies must needs make a SEEN check (and possibly post) when their Armies "Head Out" and then when their armies "Arrive". If your SEEN post needs to be "Open" then you have to hint at your numbers and where you're heading to. You're also obliged to make a SEEN check if you're calling your banners to war. This will allow players with armies to get some sense of what sort of war preparation and marching their opponents (and allies) may be up to. So with that, myself and the BROSR have easily solved yet another big annoying gaming problem. "DND is a wargame" and "buy my stupid retroclone" dweebs have been yammering for years and have offered nothing this useful to making D&D A WARGAME. This discovery would have been the greatest gaming innovation of their lives, had they thought of it. For me, it was a Tuesday. You're welcome.

6/29/26

The Pale Stone Returns

The strange pale stone has once again appeared above the sacrificial temple in the Dawnlands. Reports of inhuman howling have increased and illness seems to strike with increased fervor and tenacity!

Disease checks for July will be made with a +4% penalty as blood sacrifices call Niflheim closer to Umbros.

06/29/26

Moriva Prepares Siege Engines

Travelers report a felling of trees in the lands held by Moriva. This, coupled with the noises of construction that can be heard at all hours of the night, imply that Moriva is undertaking some grand design. The intent is as yet unknown, but it is rumored that the lich intends to march on one of her neighbors and is preparing siege engines to that purpose.

06/29/26

Abner Perry Alive?! and changed...

Hushed rumors from runaway slaves of the Mahar tell of Abner Perry, somehow still alive, subject to the same experiments he performs on the unhappy victims who become the dwelvemen. But his outcome was different. Suddenly he was younger, more graceful, healthier, and... shorter.

06/29/26

Hibobu Speaks at the Ruined Temple

Hibobu climbs to the steps of the ruined temple and addresses the citizens. "Citizens of Firsthaven, Followers of the Homestone, our valiant Prince has gone to hunt the villian Ferigno. We pray for his success. In the meantime we are left with our temple damaged but not beyond repair. I Hibobu, Master of the Merchant's Guild vow to see the temple repaired and brought to it's previous glory. More glorious than anyone has ever seen! To that end, my personal engineer, Thadius Thrumple will direct any able bodied men willing to help in this holy work. I will pay any who volunteer 1 silver piece per week, plus one meal. I further pledge 1,000 GP for materials and skilled laborers. Work begins tomorrow. Present yourself to Thadius to be placed on payroll. The Homestone bless you all."

06/29/26

A Second Sun Over the Glarewood

In the days after the Battle of Firsthaven, rumors began to spread about a private council between Prince Ronan, Ironrider of Goldhold, and Coralynth the dragon. Cain & Hibobu were noticed taking part as well, yet leaving early with looks none too pleased.

Some days later, Coralynth rose from the waters with a newly fixed howdah upon her back. Ronan climbed aboard with Ironrider and some of his dwarven warriors. A robed magic user was seen joining them, carrying a shimmering magic staff. Stranger still, Coralynth was seen carrying a huge squid from the deeps, no doubt for some very serious purpose, or perhaps because dragons have their own ideas about what counts as sensible battle planning.

Then she flew northwest, toward the Glarewood. For nearly a day there was no word.

Then a great light bloomed in the sky over the Glarewood. Even that blinding forest was made dim by comparison. The sky flashed white and silver, and a thunderous boom rolled out over the trees.

Some wanderers and hairy men from the outer thorps say they saw it. They now talk in frightened and superstitious ways, as such men often do when they see something terrible and do not know whether to blame gods, wizards, dragons, or taxes. Some even swearing they heard Ferigno's terrible laugh echo behind the boom of the second sun.

Those who look northwest after dark say something still shimmers above the Glarewood. But no word has returned from Ronan, Ironrider, Coralynth or even the mysterious mage. The citizens of Firsthaven grow anxious and the most faithful of them gather at the ruined temple of the Home Stone with the prayers Ronan taught them echoing from dry lips. No word comes from the Stone, though the light still pulses at circadian rhythms. Even those men less faithful, in Firsthaven, are beginning to count their princes, allies, and hopes, and finding the numbers much smaller than they were before.

Editor's Note: Every week I make these posts and think "this is the Convergence and gaming moment that UMBROS will be known for because it's so wild and game changing". And every week my players top themselves. The ripples of this event with (probably) 2 Factions and a major PC being eradicated have already greatly impacted the campaign world of UMBROS. What do you do when the Lawful Good Paladin of the game world's Lawful Good city is gone? As a PC do you try to take advantage of it? If you're a Faction, do you try to march on the city and take it? If you're a thief guildmaster, do you try to take over the politics of the town? Who knows. Lots of options, though. Much better than Conventional D&D where your biggest choice is whether to play Angry Birds or Candy Crush between your combat round choices. 

06/29/26

A Minor Disturbance Over the Glarewood

High above the Glarewood, Ferigno flew on patrol when he noticed a strange form flying toward him. A bronze dragon carrying a giant squid with a half dozen humanoid riders.

“A squid…?”

One rider pointed his staff at Ferigno as the Wyrm let loose a Fireball.

“QUICK ABSORB IT,” Ferigno heard just before a multicolored fireball engulfed the crew, dragon, and giant squid.

“Hm… still got it.”

“Wonder who that was,” Ferigno said as he lay down for a nap. 

06/30/26

Moriva Marches East

The moment the light appeared in the sky over Glarewood, the black gates of Hel's Fortress opened. Cloaked in darkness, an army of the dead now marches East with Moriva at the head of this terrible host. Just before all light was snuffed out by some evil fulgue seeping from the Helrock itself, a glimpse of the force is seen of less than 100 undying things; skeletons, ghouls, and shadowy things called terms better forgotten by those of the living. Moriva's dark beauty glides among them. Crackling voices hiss "to Firsthaven".

Editor's Note: Another (possible, assuming it's not a lie or False Flag) hint at an army on the march. I have personally made D&D a Wargame for real, finally. Again, you're welcome.

Closing Note

This week the UMBROS campaign has essentially proven all my theories correct about the TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN. This campaign is historically good, "even with journeymen players", as one friend said to me. Yes, these players are ALL still learning. And, yes, some of their choices may have been tactically questionable (giant squid tossing?) but with TNB even midcard level play and choices from players will create the campaign of your dreams. Why are you still playing conventional D&D?

This Week in UMBROS 06/13/26 through 06/22/26: Special BATTLE OF FIRSTHAVEN edition

UMBROS may be the greatest TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN to ever be ran with 1e Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. This week there was a massive CONVERGENCE which will be called, for all history, the Battle of Firsthaven. If you go back to the old news posts that I've dropped, you may have gathered that Ferigno the Green Dragon was laying siege on the Lawful Good city led by the Paladin Ronan Innes. Well on 06/13/26 it all converged when the Dwarves of Goldhold, led by Iron Rider the dwarf (because Lord Cointhrall was killed by Ferigno in a mass combat back in March 2026) looking for revenge on the Green Wyrm. 

In a recent ad hoc session play I ran for the dwarf player and the Level 3 PC Mage in early June, I adjudicated Iron Rider and the dwarves traveling overland to arrive at Firsthaven. They got lost ALOT and ended up there around 06/12/26 and told me, because Ferigno was napping and hadn't seen there smallish army approach, that he'd wait until the morning to attack the dragon. 

In a later blog I will lay out the order of battle where I ran the Battle of Firsthaven as a play by post wargame (assuming there wasn't enough game there to Docket it for the wargamers in the group to play out). I assumed it would be a simple adjudication, and it was, but it led to some incredible story elements that have drastically impacted the campaign state going forward. Which is the point of a wargame, docket, and Total Nonstop Braunstein! 

But for now I want to keep the objective details of the battle a secret from the players. And they, like you, can enjoy and interpret the subjective details from the SEEN posts some/all of them were asked to craft. 

Some amazing people have said I'm a genius for asking for multiple SEEN posts for a big event like this. That it helps lay out the way real news is with various eyewitness reports of all varieties and levels of truthfulness. I agree with these amazing people, I am a genius. 

Enjoy!

6/13/2026

The Dwarven Charge

The dwarven charge thundered across the plains, smashing the gathered vineling horde to pieces. Dwarven steel met rotting vine in a symphony of hammer, sword, and pike as war hymns filled the air. Filled with confidence, the dwarven forces were relentless in their pursuit against their ancient foe, even as he flew higher and higher. But the hearts of men are not as stout as those of the dwarves, and the minds of thags not as keen. Hibobu's thag riders, trembling at the sight of the great green beast, jumped from their howdas as the thags were sent into a manic stampede. With no riders to guide them, the beasts charged straight for the nearest thing they could vent their fear upon; the dwarves. The hymns were turned to cries of pain as the thags ground the dwarven front into the dirt. When they finally finished their charge, only Ironrider, Thurn, and another captain remained. It would seem that Thurn's curse has struck again.
Hope swelled among the surviving dwarves as Coralynth herself rose from the waves, only once again to be dashed when Ferigno blasted her from the sky with his cursed breath. Offering up a hymn of sorrow, Ironrider resolved and vowed to all present that no more would Ferigno get away with it.
Ironrider was last seen conversing with the strange robed man with the glowing staff that had burned Ferigno with a fireball, shaking his hand before they both strode into Firsthaven.

06/13/26

Fire in the Sky

While rumors about the Battle of Firsthaven, as the popular press is now calling it, have been flying fast and thick, some points of consistency can be identified across the varied accounts. Among them: the only damage to the Wyrm Ferigno came at the hands of a wizard in the employ of the Dwarven army. This spellcaster was seen slinging fireballs with wild abandon, one of which scorched the dragon’s hide and incinerated the Vinelings being carried by him at the time.

Popular accounts have this wizard riding a tiger while engaging Ferigno, though we caution our readers to take such exaggerated stories with a grain of salt.

Information about this individual remains sparse: the magic-user evidently has spoken to no one except his Dwarven employers and the Pygmy Kwaja. The Dwarves aren’t talking to our reporters and none of us can understand a word of what Kwaja is saying. The magic user, for his part, has completely disappeared after the battle.

6/13/26

Report From the Wall at the Battle of Firsthaven

On the day of the battle this reporter was about to interview the Guild Master Hibobu who was standing the North Wall among his numerous archers. As I approached him, war trumpets sounded from the north. A massive horde of dwarven soldiers and crossbowmen were charging the assembled vinlings. The Guild Master shouted: "The dwarves come. Archers mount. Release the Cats." With the gate opened the Tigers erupted from the gate and surged across the field as the infantrymen followed trotting to help the attack. The archers all around me literally lept from the wall to the backs of the thags who soon followed. Hibobu stood the wall with his companion, Hildaga. For his part the nasty dragon took flight. It was then that I heard terrified soldiers and beast riders screaming. I witnessed many running away before I was overcome with a tremendous fright and ran home. Later I was told that the raging Thags trampled all the dwarves but I cannot confirm that. It was also rumored that an unknown mage came riding a tiger and casting spells but I think this is a hoax or perhaps a mirage born of fear.

06/13/26

Coralynth at the Battle of Firsthaven

"Coralynth was seen confidently surging out of the water in the bay of Firsthaven. Believing this was her moment to strike her hated enemy Ferigno. Those witnessing the charge could tell she hesitated for a moment as the realization dawned on her that it was too soon.

Struck down by the powerful Fergino in a single blow. She destroys a city district as she crashes to the ground."

Editors Note: Coralynth is a Dragoness who leads an army of mermaids off the coast of Firsthaven. She was brought into the campaign play a few weeks back to give some Good aligned elements to UMBROS, which had too many underhanded Neutral and Evil factions without enough Good factions to counteract it. Her backstory is based off of Poul Andersons "Merman's Children"; but with a disney dragon who sings love songs.

06/13/26

CORALYNTH SAVED FROM POISONING - FIRSTHAVEN HAUNTED BY GHOST OF ANCIENT ENEMY?

All in Firsthaven witnessed the astonishing battle between Coralynth and Ferigno, and looked on in horror as our beloved bronze friend was struck from the sky by a disgusting torrent of bile from the maw of the Green Worm. Onlookers said as she lay amidst the rubble that she appeared to be dying of poisoning. Just as she took her last shuddering breath, an anonymous eyewitness said she recovered her health suddenly in a flash of bright light. As the light began to fade, it appeared the source of the magic spell was a hazy, shimmering silhouette of a man. From his hiding place, our source says he could hear Coralynth ask the man “Who are you?” The reply: “In life, I was known to men as Hooja the Sly.” He faded away with the last of the light, and Coralynth took wing.

06/13/26

Ferigno and the no good very bad day!

Ferigno wakes up from his nap outside of Firsthaven just in time to see dwarves cresting the hill. He whips his vinelings into formation but sees that he does not have enough. Gathering some of them that he actually cares about, Ferigno takes to the skies, breathing out a cloud of deadly poison on the dwarves. A Magic User hits the Wyrm with a fireball, giving him a little sunburn. But alas! the vinelings he carried did not fare so well.
Angered at this turn of events, he turns around to go home, but decides to pay the citizens of Firsthaven a visit. Ronan’s useless army cowers before the flying menace and Hibobus thag riders abandon their mounts, letting the thags stampede over the dwarves. Thanks Hibobu!
Ferigno soars over the wall and is about to show the citizens why they shouldn’t mess with a dragon, when who should appear but the only being Ferigno hates more than the dwarves! Coralynth! Could this day get any worse? But luck is on Ferigno’s side, as he breathes first and knocks Coralynth out of the sky and onto the Home Stone Temple! Ferigno laughs haughtily as he flies back to the Glarewood. Even as vastly outnumbered as he was, the forces of Good stay losing.

Editors Note: Thus ends the SEEN posts which were composed about the Battle of Firsthaven. The below items were related to the response to the Battle or side stories which were happening concurrently. Unlike a boring Conventional D&D campaign, there are ALWAYS lots of things happening in a BROSR TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN campaign. 

6/15/2026

Protector Vandor Missing

For the last few days, no one has seen or heard from Protector Vandor or his ghoul hunters. Gossip spreads amongst the populace of Firsthaven that they have been captured by the ghoul cults, while some believe that Hooja’s assassins killed him as vengeance for the death of their leader. All anyone can agree on is that Firsthaven is no longer safe, and they look to their Prince with eyes filled with hope, desperation, and — perhaps — anger.

06/16/26

Mysterious Masked Martial Artist Mullers Magician!

Chaos in Tootchville today as a man engaged in a flying fist fight with Tootch for several hours. This individual arrived on a chariot pulled by brontosaurs and reportedly introduced himself as the Grand Master of the Order of the Radiant Wombat before demanding vengeance for his old teacher. The conclusion of the battle took place out of sight of Tootchville, but several large and multi-colored explosions were witnessed.

Tootch was seen limping back into town sporting a beauty of a shiner. Of the martial artist, no sign can be found.

06/18/26

Complete Darkness

Thedd Dredd, adventuring once again into the depths of the Hel Dungeon, was seen returning from that foul place with a bandage wrapped around his eyes. Ranak the fighter was leading him back to their accommodations near Tootch’s Tower.

Whispers among the residents suggest that Thedd is looking for a cleric who can cast Cure Blindness. The situation, at least locally, appears very grim for the young cleric.

06/18/26

Mirroring Greatness

Azkin the Elf, adventurer and Hel Delver extraordinaire, has been seen about the Town (village?) of Tootchville in recent days complaining of a "low score" in his recent delve into Helrock. "No jewels at all!" he has been heard to complain, "these humies wanted to waste time investigating evil altars or something. And the altars had NO. JEWELS. AT. ALL." Despite this apparent setback, Azkin was showing off a "cool mirror shield" and celebrating his great cleverness in fastening a "burger king crown" to the head of a comrade whose corpse he apparently left upon a "hel throne" within the dungeon.

Editors Note: Azkin as my Level 1 PC who adventured on 06/16/16 in real session play. I was not the DM that night. Have you ever adventured in the campaign you also DM (most of the time)? If you're a BROSR member, the answer is likely "yes". If you're not a BROSR member your answer is likely "I'm too busy crying about my male pattern balding and funhouse mirror BMI for that!"

06/18/26

Do Clerics Dream of Exploding Frogs?

Stumbling out of Tootch's Tower, Thedd Dredd could be seen holding his stomach in pain, with a soot-covered face and blackened lips.

"What happened to you, Thedd? Can you see again?" one of the Hel Delvers exclaimed.

"It wasn’t magical blindness. It was a curse. Keblar struck a hard bargain. The cure was nearly worse than the disease, as it were. Also, the exploding tadpoles have a cherry taste to them..."

Thedd could be observed making his way back to his cot to recover from the...spicy experience.

06/18/2026

In your Dreams of Glass

At the dim verge of your waking sleep, just outside your peripheral vision, at the edge of sight and sound; stands Chaz.

"It has come to my attention @everyone complains of the inability to communicate in UMBROS. While I have no interest of speaking to any of you, so I see not a problem, I believe I might profit off this development. In honor of the START OF MIDSUMMER on 06/20/2026, you may all pay me for the use of Twilight Whispering by chanting 'Chaz is Great' three times into any mirror in UMBROS. Said mirror will become like water where you might drop your ill gotten coin into my hand. Upon which, you speak into the mirror and your target will receive your message (you dm them and let me know in your DT channel you paid and what you sent)! You're welcome indeed. I can see you now peering into your smart phone, reading this, and tell how pleased you are with me. You should consider blocking the camera with your thumb, my good fellow."
At this he laughs dismissively.
"What is the charge you ask? Let's review. Firstly, the messages must be TWEET LENGTH OR SHORTER. That's 240 chars not some paid for mega-tweet, friend. Matt Walsh you are not! I will charge by the amount you send per month, resetting on the first of each.
First: 150 gp
Second: 330 gp
Third: 660 gp
Fourth: 1,200 gp
Fifth and After: 1,500 gp

And if you TWEET the message as is, and use hashtag #UMBROS #DND #BROXT the cost is 1/3rd! But who might see it.....
So go forth and communicate, you ridiculous humans. I won't keep all your messages for my own use, just your coin. You can trust me. Goodbye. For now."

Editors Note: Chaz is my original character from Trollopulous, the campaign of great note that you can read about NOW on your amazon kindle ebook machine. It's prime day today so give as much money as you can to the evil empire but also to me. Give that money to me as well because I helped write the book. Anyway, I had Chaz introduce this communication method because UMBROS players were complaining that they had no way to communicate and set up convergences and wargames and such. Well for one, that sadly shows they lack creativity and ingenuity. But, for two, that allows Chaz the opportunity to collect cash and secrets from those too lazy and uncreative to realize this. Chaz is a high level NPC at this time. He was player controlled for a time and during a session Braunstein and may be again, soon. I'm not "playing" Chaz but, since it's my character going way back, I find it particularly easy to RP him for important moments and concepts like this. I look forward to seeing if this leads to more communication between players.

6/20/26

Paying Respect

Residents noted that Hibobu and Hildaga were seen ascending to the ruined Temple of the Home Stone. They spent about an hour and returned to the Guildhouse. Asked their purpose Hibobu solemnly answered that they prayed for the safety of the City and its citizens.

06/21/26

Of Thags and Humans

Captain Shulgi of the Merchant’s Guild has been seen talking to any mercenaries he can find in Firsthaven. His men have been posting hand bills and a crier hired to extol the life as a "Shiny Guard"

06/21/26

Hildaga and Her Girl Friends

Hildaga and her girl friends from the Merchant's Guild were seen in fine white gowns carrying baskets of sweetmeats and donuts into the palace. Seems they were handing them out as thanks to the intrepid guards. Although one scullery maid was heard complaining that her "boyfriend" got more than a donut: "Donuts my arse! An him tellin' me 'she's adjustin' me codpiece'. Adjustin'? Adjustin' by the blinkin' stone! Huzzies!"

6/22/2026

Dwarven Caravan Near Tootchville

A caravan of dwarves were spotted traveling on the path through the Purple Hills near Tootchville dragging four covered carts laden with some kind of goods that rattled under their cover. One witness swore that something long, white, and spiked poked out before a distinctly large dwarf tucked it back under the tarp. The caravan was last seen heading in the direction of Tootchville.

06/22/26

A Sound of Thunder**

A clap of thunder booms across the land and the sky darkens. As your ears pop and thrum you hear the tinny metallic voice of Cain the Kinslayer.
"I have heard the chattering fearful voices of everyone. I see you scouring the texts for the deep dark mysteries, searching for the weaknesses of the monsters who prey upon the lands of UMBROS. While I am disappointed in you all for your cowardice and lack of guile, I am also sympathetic to your mortal plight. I will offer you all a gift. I shall bestow upon you the ways of the Monster Hunter. Seek my face and take my mark and I will grant you the secrets you desire in the ancient scrolls of MM, MM2, and FF. STARTING NOW, you may make an offering to me for the blessing of Monster Knowledge Pledge your loyalty to me and I will bestow upon you the information you seek.. Be forewarned. A quest may be required to prove your loyalty and dedication to the Order of Monster Hunters.
(let me know what book you read*)
MM lookup
MM2 lookup
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This Week In UMBROS: 06/02/26 to 06/13/2026

Hooja grows old upon losing the
Home Stone shard...

UMBROS continues on as a TOTAL NONSTOP BRAUNSTEIN campaign using Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 1e. The following are reports, rumors, omens, proclamations, and tavern-whispers gathered from the campaign over the last stretch of play. 

Most of these are SEEN POSTS made after Downtime Orders are complete/adjudicated. But last week I also ran "Braunstein Session" (such as it was) as the DM and I played as the PC Azkin the Elf (T1/F1) in an Adventuring session where we delved a dungeon. So I was a PC playing (not DMING!) in the module I wrote. While also DMing the Faction Tier play in the same game world. 

As I stated today in the ACKS discord: all things may seem possible when it comes to people's D&D campaigns but BROSR campaigns like this have a great deal more of "we did this very cool thing". While non-BROSR campaigns have alot of talk of "wouldn't it be cool if we did this or that cool thing". Below are all things that DID happen in UMBROS. Or false rumors or even false flags about things that did happen...

The reports below are presented in date order.

Editors Note 06/23/26: I had edited this post to add in 3 news articles from the game world date of 06/09/26 through 06/11/26. "The Owl in the Purple Jungle", "The Death of Hooja", "Lost Travelers", "Undead Cults in Firsthaven?". These were played a bit backdated in gameworld time and the SEEN posts were not available when I first published the blog. There are other news items on 06/13/26 for the BATTLE OF FIRSTHAVEN but I'll put those in a different news blog to call more attention to them and the Battle itself.

06/05/26

Keen-eyed citizens of Firsthaven spot merfolk and the dragon Coralynth far out at sea. Her scouts probe closer to the shore to gather information about the unfolding conflict among the drylanders. If the circumstances are right, Coralynth and her children of the sea may involve themselves.

Editor Note: The guy who is trying to help me get UMBROS in print (I lost the master files somewhere along the way... and DTRPG's print shop is so difficult to send properly sized covers etc to. sorry!) has taken on the role of CORALYNTH THE SEA DRAGON. While some told me I should invite the wemmenz division champion to run this ridiculously feminine faction leader of a Love Dragon + Mermaids, my friend assured me he could do justice to the Faction without feeling silly. The faction was based off of Poul Anderson's "The Mermen's Children" (plus a dragon to be a foil to Ferigno) it does, frankly, seem easier to play this faction upon inspiration from various disney princess films. 

06/05/26

The human wizard who has been hanging around Tootchville for several weeks was spotted slipping out of town. When interested parties asked what he was doing, he responded: "Can't tell you. NDA."

06/05/26

A TRAITOR CAPTURED

Hooja the Sly was arrested around midday at the Water Buffalo Tavern and Flophouse by Prince Ronan and a cadre of soldiers. After troops surrounded the establishment, he attempted to slip out the back door and quaff an invisibility potion. Alerted by an agent of Ferigno, Prince Ronan tackled him, slathered him with honey and threw flour all over him, allegedly as an anti-invisibility measure, and definitely presenting an interesting sight. Inside sources say Ferigno ordered the double-cross in order to expand his domain into the Umbral Swamps. Hooja is being held upon a charge of sacrilege and attempted murder and awaits justice in an undisclosed location

Editor's Note: This was played out in real session play. Sadly the player of Hooja was not available to do session play; which would have been a fun little chess match between Ronan's player and Hooja's player. I invited other folks who showed up for my Session Braunstein to run Hooja but they declined by giving such excuses as "I'm busy", "I just wanted to listen in and not play", and "Hooja is the worst character of all time and I'd not be caught dead playing him". So I ran Hooja using the usual DM tricks of Reaction Checks, Thief/sneaking checks, etc. His capture was extremely unlikely despite the player himself, in downtime, making what I would consider some bad decisions that put him right in the crosshairs of Ronan and others.

But Ronan's plan to snatch Hooja from the Water Buffalo Tavern and Flophouse was very paladin coded (read: speak loudly and carry a bit stick. Read: kind of dumb) in that he marched up a small army on the tavern. I determined this would easily get noticed by a high level thief from just hearing dinosaur mounts stomp up. So I used Hooja's "Hide in Shadows" check to sneak out of the place and run off. But the player of Hibobu had done a downtime order where his totally-not-thief "girls" were watching the Flophouse. I allowed them to make a Spy check to see Hooja leave. They succeeeded. But Hooja had an invsibility potion which he quaffed to continue his escape. 

As you may know (probably not because no one but Jeffro has actually read all of 1e without ignoring the stuff they don't like), 1e allows a low chance to see through magic invisibility if you are high Intelligent and/or High Level. Ronan isn't super smart but he is high level, the only one with a shot to have seen invisible Hooja at that location. He has a 10% chance. I rolled it on a d100... and hit a 7. So as unlikely as it was, Ronan saw him. Quickly tackled him and tied him up. Thus ended my session play that night and this SEEN post.

06/05/26

Shortly after Hooja was dragged off by the Prince the Guild's warehouse doors were thrown open. On a riding thrag, Hibobu himself led a lethel parade to the North Gate. Bystanders counted 12 enormous war thags with their hoodahs in place. The 7 kitten litter of Sabre Toothed tigers led by the little dark skinned leader Imagi. Finally Hildaga now with pink hair in armor and Captain Shulgi in shining Broze armor. The group stopped near the gate. The Thrags waiting patiently. The Tigers circling and snarling also waiting but not so patiently. Hibobu climbs the wall standing among his archers he peers out judging the reaction of the siege to Hooja's capture.

6/6/2026

Ironrider Marches

The gates of Goldhold opened and a small army marched out, singing glad songs of bravery and death. The gruff voice of Ironrider rang out clearest of all, seemingly relishing the opportunity to leave the golden throne. The army moved southwards before observers lost sight of it.

Editor's Note: By way of practicing my adjudication of 1e wilderness travel rules, I ran this in the Braunstein Session. The player of the Dwarves was one of the few who showed up so I figured we could give some flvaro to his travel. I bet he wished it would have been done in solitaire play, where somehow all Players who run their own travel never hit the 70% chance of getting lost in the Forest, but alas it was me. And he got lost in the forest. ALOT. Over and over for days on end. Eventually arriving at his goal of... well I can't tell you because it's secret. 

6/6/26

An envoy from the mad wizard Tootch has been seen entering and exiting Prince Ronans palace this past week

06/07/26

Earlier today the Guild Master, Hibobu, could be seen walking along the northern wall followed by his Captain Shulgi and the 10 Elite Guard. The top merchant spent some time among his archers who have been standing the wall since Stinkbreath Ferigno arrived. He joked and back slapped the bowmen talking to each before descending once again entering the Prince’s palace. Some say the archers number 70 but most put the number nearer to 50. Either way that’s a lot of bodkins. In a somewhat related story, Hibobu’s "Shiny Guard" infantry took to an alley near his warehouse and drilled up and down. They practiced in a spear and shield wall, practicing the advance, falling back and turning corners. At one point they invited spectator boys to cast rocks at them while they formed an impressive testudo.

06/07/26

Unexplained anomalies at the Firsthaven Home Stone

“We have just completed our scheduled reconnaissance of the Firsthaven Home Stone, and the situation makes absolutely no tactical sense.
There was a strange, faint magical signature humming directly from stone’s location. Our scouts believe the stone is being hidden. We cannot definitively trace the origin, though the residue bears a frustratingly familiar, arcane frequency that some of our scouts associate with Cain.
Why would anyone—let alone a cleric pretending to hold the line—be slinking around the literal foundation of our domain under the cover of darkness?

6/8/2026

The forces of the dragon arrayed outside the walls of Firsthaven had, for these past weeks, menaced the city. While life had continued, the worried eyes of the women and children and the cautious glances of the men revealed the long shadow of terror that darkened their hearts. How much longer would supplies last? How much longer would the dragon wait, like a sabertooth tiger circling a thag’s calf, before finally he pounces?

A mammoth of a man stood before the Home Stone in its high tower. Sweat from his afternoon in the training yard dripped from his sinewy arms, yet this titanic warrior wept for the people of this city, for the people of this kingdom, even for those of the far places of the Umbral Lands. Darkness seemed to spring unending here, threatening to swallow whole everything good and holy. How could one stand against such darkness?

But the question never crossed his mind, only its answer. He lifted his great sword, its ivory blade gleaming in the Stonelight and spoke with a voice clear and resolute, heard by all nearby. “By strength, by steel, by spilled blood; for justice, for glory, for victory; this city will not fall. This light shall not fade. This torch will be carried across the Umbral Lands until every shadow is banished. This I vow.”

06/08/26

Reports of ravening ghouls encroaching from the West. Though they seem to have had a hard time finding prey, reports are filtering into the civilized regions with striking clarity. These ghouls have been enhanced by Moriva herself and move about shrouded in clinging darkness, seeking the flesh and blood of the living.

Editor's Note: I gave Moriva the Lich Queen faction to a guy who normally runs a low level PC. He said his PCs were "busy training so he wants something to play in downtime". Bet. Like players do he came up with a really weird use of resources by casting Darkness on some ghouls and sending them out to terrorize and bring more ghouls (and treasure?) back to him. Could be interesting! 

6/9/2026

The Owl in the Purple Jungle

A local woodsman from Tootchville was out on a hunt in the purple jungle when a giant owl landed on a tree nearby and hooted a surprising greeting in the common tongue. When the woodsman asked if there were any game to be found nearby, the owl rolled his large eyes before responding.
"All you bipeds are the same, asking me all kinds of questions like I know or care about the answers. Hoo hoo. That said, you are taller and less smelly than the last group I talked to. Hoo hoo. Not nearly as well armed though. Hoo hoo."
With that, the owl flew away from the bewildered and disappointed woodsman.

06/09/26

THE DEATH OF HOOJA

The afternoon of June 9th, Hooja was led into the public square of Firsthaven. A crier read out a simple and solemn statement:

"In the name of His Imperial and Royal Highness, Prince Ronan:

Chief Hooja of the Umbral Swamp Tribe has been found guilty upon charges of treason and sacrilege. The sentence is death. Let all who would blaspheme the home stone or bear arms against Firsthaven take warning. Such shall be your fate also if you persist. Sic semper perfidis."

With that, Hooja was put to death and buried in an unmarked grave in a potter's field

6/10/2026

Lost Travelers

A procession of traders from Hibobu moved through Tootchville, stopping briefly for trade and resupply. A particularly perceptive boy noticed that there appeared to be about six figures who had split off from the procession. When the boy asked the traders about them, the trader laughed and tossed up a bronze ring, much too large to fit a finger, with a small gem inlaid and said "Them? Just some lost travelers. I'm sure they know where they're going now."

6/11/2026

Undead Cults in Firsthaven?

While the siege continues, and reports of ghoul attacks from the father settlements of the kingdom trickle in, tensions begin to flare amongst the population of Firsthaven. Several bands of concerned citizens have already drug out and "arrested" multiple persons suspected of participating in the raising of the dead, or having knowledge of such dealings. There is hope that Protector Vandor and his band of watchmen will stamp out the cults once and for all!

06/13/26

Living Large When You're Short

Azkin the Elf Thief/Fighter, recently of the Twilight Pines but now a member of the Hel Delvers was seen enjoying some moderately priced wine at the Goat House Tavern in Tootchland. Some say he was bragging on how successful the recent delve into Helrock was "thanks to me, yet I wasn't able to swipe any extra take from the place. Just an even cut, sad to say." Most rumors say he didn't get particularly drunk and boasts of "high constitution, despite my fun size."

Editor's Note: Azkin is my PC. I played him in a regular dungeon delve. It was pretty fun but I had a long list of suggestions for the other players on how they could suck less, the next day. Among the suggestions were "plan more" and "dont crosstalk the mic" and "roleplay more". All stuff that Gygax put in to last pages of the PHB, of which all the UMBROS PCs are supposed to have read. Did they... or did they ignore Gygax like everyone else for 40 years until Jeffro came around? idk but I hope our success continues and, with me as Caller, I'm certain it will!

06/13/26

Back to (Wizard) School

Serevas, the elven Magic User/Thief, was seen in the upper loft of the shabby barn many of the adventures of Tootchville call home between delves. The typically prideful elf was studiously pouring over his spell book and several arcane scrolls secured from Keblar in exchange for treasures found in the Hel Dungeon. He was also sporting a fancy silver broach on his cloak, which he insists contains powerful magics, though when pressed he was unable to explain what it actually does. The elf was last seen with a jingling sack of coins heading for Tootch’s Tower, no doubt looking to implore the tower’s master to teach him greater understanding of the arcane.

06/13/26

A Terrifying Creature

Residents of Tootchville report seeing an adventuring party return from the Hel dungeon, with an abominable creature in tow.

"Alive without breath..." "As cold as death!" "Ever staring, never seeing." "A decaying flesh, a hellish being..."

The whispers of the residents were quite the mystery. What could Tootch be doing with this...thing?