ACKS Session 42: Grab Undeath by the Balls

This session was played on 01/19/2022 with PCs adventuring for 2 days. With 1 day of bed rest needed as per ACKS rules the PCs can adventure and make downtime requests on and after 01/22/2022.

Foreword

I apologize for the crass title of this session report but I promised my players I'd make this silly pun.

Session Report

The PCs all started the session in the city of Cyfaraun and wanted to delve the sewers... again. They entered the sewers into a deceased syndicate leader's former hideout where they scored big recently. Their main plan appeared to be to finish mapping out the hideout so Laru (PC Thief level 4) can eventually use the space for his own syndicate shenanigans. Laru's Player wasn't even adventuring this session so this really was the other players helping him out and helping to move the thief's long term goals forward. 

My players are givers. Very helpful, fellas.

The sewer dungeon hideout thing is a pretty big place. They had mapped out about half of it the last couple sessions and went about wrapping up the rest tonight. I was using my rules for ReStocking on the Fly since the PCS were through many places they had already been. This ended up meaning quite a bit more hits on the random encounter chart.

By the time they decided to finish up this delve and were happy with their map, they had fought a clutch of giant centipedes, a green slime and a rat swarm. The swarm gave them the most trouble and it was as they were leaving to go back up to the surface. Hundreds (or thousands?) of rats came barreling down the dank hallway crazily and knocked down Odilia (hench to MadEye, Fighter Level 1) and ate her face. 

The PCs went to hacking up the rats and eventually killed enough of them where they were no longer a threat as a swarm. Odilia wasn't killed thanks to Olivier (PC Paladin level 1) and Rapunzel (PC Priestess level 3) healing and saving her from oblivion. But Odilia was going to need a week of bed rest before making further adventure. They carried her up to the service and found her a place to rest and also rested themselves.

The next day Rapunzel wanted to lead an expedition into the Nethercity. This is a dungeon BENEATH the sewers beneath the city. They went there to save Marn (PC Mage Level 3) a VERY LONG TIME AGO back on May 21, 2021. They were in and out of the dungeon as fast as possible and have showed very little interest of ever going back. 

But, thanks to Patron play, they had a treasure map into the place that they had bought from who they are calling MapGuy; Rene (Patron Controller of a Syndicate Map Finder ...place... or something). The treasure map was believed to lead to treasure of around 3,000 GP in value iirc. that would probably be in this evil chapel.

the players clown on my maps but
my maps are awesome

Rapunzel's player actually took the lead as Caller, which isn't the normal social makeup of our virtual table. I suggest trying this with your table; having the most gung-ho player for that session's goal take the Caller lead. Rapunzel the PC was more animated in laying out the goal and plans than a less emotionally invested Caller might have been. More fun session thanks to it.

Anyway the Party got through the sewer without any deaths or random encounters to the entrance into the Nethercity. Descending some stairs in an old busted up elf gazebo which now resides under the Old City latrines, disgusting sludge cascaded in front of the Party so they hugged the wall.

The stench had a few of them feeling sick (-1 to attacks and such) but they kept on, eventually coming to a series of natural caverns snaking through the earth. Most were pooled with the sewer sludge and very large swarms of vermin were feeding on it. Some DMs have told me this Module is too slow because of all the vermin everywhere being a slog to fight through. But I normally rule that if some bugs don't have a hostile reaction they're probably not going to get bent out of shape and attack some humans that are just moving through their room. Unless their nest is disturbed or whatever.

So none of that happened and the Party got through the vermin caves without any combat, ascending to a natural balcony overlooking the long chamber of sludge. Gross.

They moved north, following the map and entered a temple complex thing. There were tiled black floors and plaster walls. Bas reliefs (HPL says "avoid!"), murals, and wall graves were everywhere along the passages. They came to a chamber with a black stone status of a god or demon or something with 6 arms. MadEye (PC Venturer level 2) identified which deity I think, but I don't remember the details. 

The party did not approach the statue or touch it. Instead they passed through the room to the Warlord's Chapel. What warlord? idk. THE Warlord, pal. Don't worry about it.

Here there was black marble flooring at a gallery that opened into an apses. Carved stone column supported each corner of the transept near a four stepped dais in the middle of the apse. There was a gray marble altar stained with black drippings and marked by cuts and slashes. On either side of that sat statues of 2 black jackals.  

The players started searching around for treasure since this is the room the map apparently led to. Rapunzel cast Protection from Evil on the assumption the jackal statues would come to life and attack. Hardar (PC Mage level 2) and Nubs (PC Thief level 3) pushed the altar and found that it was designed to slide and reveal a hidden compartment below full of treasure. Looting began and the Lawful PCs like Olivier (PC Paladin level 1) and MadEye were working on defacing the altar to nab some sweet XP for cleansing the place of altar style evil.

That's what made the stone jackal things inevitably wake up. They started moving about and seemed to no longer be stone. They had a halo of fire around them and seemed to be able to control it to attack freely on top of their normal scratch and scrapes.

But they couldn't attack at all as long as Rapunzel concentrated on Protection from Evil. So the Party finished defacing and cleansing the altar with no interference. This seemed to weaken the creatures who Rapunzel had time to study and realize were undead. Then she dropped the Protection from Evil spell and the party attacked.

I don't remember the details of the fight but no one died. It ended when Rapunzel successfully Turned Undead on the jackals and then the other party members beat them to smithereens. Easy.

While the party finished looting the treasure MadEye made a point that he wanted to study some Blue Orbs that were found because they might be magical and useful in this section of the dungeon or something. The players started calling them Blue Balls and you can imagine how the jokes went from there.

There was alot of other jewels and gems and coins in the treasure horde. On the way out to escape the dungeon with it is where things went sideways. The evil 6 armed demon statue thing came to life as the party tried to pass through its room on the way out. It didn't surprise them as per the rules but it did get a pretty high initiative and attacked the party from the back.

It easily dispatched Acianus (PC Mage Level 1), some henchmen of Rapunzel (RIP) and MadEye. Most all the PCs fled the room and barred the door to the next room shut, Olivier holding on to the handle to keep the 6 armed abomination from getting to them. Normally PCs would have cut their losses, poured out one for their lost homies, and left the dungeon. 

But MadEye had the Blue Balls. And Nubbs saw the monster take them back off the Venturer.

Debate raged. Should they go back and save MadEye (meaning, acquire the Blue Orb treasure they assumed was valuable) or should they just leave it. The monster had them spooked. 

bapbook out how long?

Eventually they had a harebrained plan and opened the door as suddenly as they could. Nubbs slipped into the room under the legs of the monster while Olivier stood and fought it in melee. His plan was "to grab the monster's blue balls". I sighed. 

But Nubbs rolled a Pickpocket check to try and nab the Blue Orbs off the monster... and rolled a natural 20. "I've got the blue balls!" he declared proudly as he slipped back into the marching order of the party and to safety from 6 armed attacks. He posted this picture in the chat and I grabbed a drink while the players laughed uproariously for like 8 minutes.

Hardar cast Choking Grip on the monster and amazingly enough it failed to save. This would keep it paralyzed for as long as Harder concentrated or until the creature succeeded at a saving throw chance at the start of each combat round.

Some PCs made attacks on the creature and realized it could only be hit by magic weapons, which this party had zero of. Oh no. They started to plan their retreat. Someone pull MadEye's body to safety and ran off with him on their back. Nubbs was long gone with his Blue Orbs laughing and planning his evening of revelry like Gray Mouser or Cugel the Clever.

Hardar tried to hold the Choking Grip spell long enough for everyone to disengage from battle and get out of danger. Unfortunately, that's when the monster made it's saving throw. The last thing the fleeing adventurers saw was Hardar getting chopped to bits by the six armed demon statue thing as they closed the door behind them and hoofed it through the dank sewer dungeon and back up to the service 

The rest of the party escaped with the treasure and the balls and we called it a night. It was a solid haul despite two PCs losing their life and one other (MadEye) taking a serious Mortal Wound wherein he lost the use of his legs completely. He'd need two weeks of bed rest to adventure again (with a combat wheelchair? Check back and see!)

Afterword

In my campaign we use randomly rolled Class Templates from the ACKS Player's Companion. Hardar's template was Necromancer so the player decided to play him up as the most evil Mage possible. After dying so the other PCs might escape the 6 arm demon thing the players started to realize he may not be evil after all. But in fact be the most Good of them all!

But Hardar's master and arcane teacher, Zealotor (NPC Mage Level ???) did NOT agree! He had an opulent funeral where he invited "those who knew Hardar to come forward and share reminiscences of this malicious and cruel soul". So beautiful!

He went on that "Hardar's lust for life (both living and taking it) will not be forgotten... Hardar could not realize his dream to become the most evil being in the universe (by murdering all the other evil beings. This saddens me most of all."

This beautiful tribute where many PCs and Patrons shared their memories and hate of Hardar can be found in its entirety on the tw11tters at this link. Be sure to bring some tissue for those misty eyes.

Surviving PCs Present

MadEye (5% XP bonus): Venturer Level 2. XP Gained 1,048 + 105 for evil altar destruction. Total: 3,652 [LEVEL UP TO 3!]

Nubbs (5% XP bonus): Thief Level 2. XP gained 1,048. Total: 3,547 [LEVEL UP TO 3!]

Olivier (5% XP bonus): Paladin level 1. XP gained 1,048 + 105. Total: 1,170

Rapunzel (10% XP bonus): Priestess level 3. XP gained 1,097 + 110. Total: 7,408

Deceased

Dama (L1 Venturer) played by RR.  Current total xp: 75. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Darius LeVay (L1 Assassin) played by JB. Current Total XP:451. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Donald the Guardsman (L1 Fighter) played by MP. Current Total XP:570. DECEASED. Intra-party justice in Session 3.

Felix (L1 Thief) played by Nicholas. Current Total XP:431. DECEASED. Poison gas in Session 3.

Hektor (L1 Paladin) played by Moai. DECEASED. Cause of Death: goblin warg rider throat removal surgery in Session 2

Leonidas the Inquisitor (L1 Cleric) played by RR.Current Total XP:498  DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Mard the Mage (L1 Mage) played by Nicholas. DECEASED. Frozen undead blistering cold aura left his skin frostbitten and broken in Session 6. Body not recovered.

Yolo Baggins "My friends call me Swaggins" (L1 Gnomish Trickster) played by J. DECEASED. Paralyzed and eaten by ghouls in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Jack Filcher (L1 Thief) played by C. DECEASED. Shot full of arrows by Inthorn's brigands in Session 12. Body not recovered.

Swoleous Maximus (L1 Paladin). DECEASED. Captured then drawn and quartered by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Damianus (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Captured and beheaded by Inthorn the Brigand warlord in Session 12. Posthumously named "Petty Hero of Turos Tem" by Legate Valerian. Ashes offered a place of pride in the Hospital.

Bucky (L1 Barbarian). DECEASED. Became a illegal pit fighter during his downtime. Had two bouts to the death, winning the first and losing the second. Was killed by Young Jack Sparrow who sashayed into the ring, drank rum, and mogged on Bucky before putting a dagger into his ribs, killing him. This happened during downtime between Session 17 and 18.

Broll Wolf-Eater (L1 Barbarian). Current total XP: 1079. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Brother Franklin (L1 Cleric). DECEASED. Decapitated by a mad cultist of a Lovecraftian slime thing in Session 19.

Felix the Elder (L1 Bard). Total XP 825. DECEASED. Captured by mad cultists and fed to a Lovecraftian slime monster in Session 19.

Templar Flavius Africanus (L1 Cleric). Total XP 7. Killed by the claws and beak of mad harpies in Session 19.

Xendi (L1 Explorer). Total XP 6. DECEASED. Carried off by harpies after falling for their enchanting song in Session 19.

Yllmeeton (L3 Shaman). Total XP 4,563. Bludgeoned by the corpse of a bowmen by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Longinus (L2 Assassin). Total XP 2,036. Had his face ripped off by Rosie Odonnel hag in Session 21.

Mandonio (L3 Fighter). Total XP 4,779. Charred to a leprous crisp by diseased Dragon breath in Session 22.

Corydon (L1 Joker). Total XP: 0. Burnt to a crisp by chimera breath so thoroughly his corpse wasn't even fit for the crows. Died with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. that's life and as funny as it seems... some people get their kicks, stomping on a dream... In Session 25.

Donny Keebler (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP 2,238. Had his legs burned completely off by chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Marina (L2 Fighter). Total XP: 2,204. Burnt into ash by a chimera fire breath in Session 25.

Gundro (L2 Gnomish Trickster). Total XP: 2,575. Had his mouth and tongue bitten off by a lizardman ambusher in the dank sewers below Cyfaraun in Session 26.

Polydoros (L1 Fighter). Total XP: 0. Had his legs ripped off and eaten by Akira monsters in the dark canopy of the Viaspen Forest in Session 28.

Odrum (L1 Explorer). Total XP: 287. Javelin to the heart from the hands of weird vine goblins hidden in the walls of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Garvin the Nutless Wonder (L1 Mage). Total XP: 0. Fell off the side of Ferigno's lair 20 feet to his death in Session 30.

Blackmoon (L1 Assassin). Total XP: 768. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while stealing treasure from Ferigno's dragon horde in Session 30.

Xanthus (L2 Cleric). Total XP: 2,364. Choked to death by BOB from Twin Peaks while hanging out on the roof of Ferigno's lair in Session 30.

Lord Zyklon (L1 Elven Spellsword). Total XP: 0. LORD ZYKLON DISEMBOWLED LORD ZYKLON upon finding himself on the losing side of the Desolation of Turos Tem.

Turin (L1 Cleric). Total XP: 0. Eaten by Wargs in Session 32.

Rat Face (L2 Thief) Total XP: 1,577. Seemingly grabbed in the dark by a Xenomorph in Session 36. In a sinkhole your party can hear you scream! 

Smarticus (L1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Captured by a Xenomorph in Session 36 for all the party to witness. Taken deep into a sinkhole.

Hearticus (L1 Cleric) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 after projectile vomiting all over himself from the stink of sewer sludge.

Mickey Mouser (L1 Thief) Total XP: 0. Gored to death by giant horned beetles in Session 39 in the happiest place on earth: the Cyfaraun sewer!

Aenes (Level 1 Paladin) Total XP: 62. Swarmed by giant flies in the sewer beneath Cyfaraun in Session 40.

Acianus (Level 1 Mage) Total XP: 0. Chopped to pieces in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue from behind and quickly forgotten about by his compatriots who saved MadEye and lamented Hardar instead. But I'll never forget you Acinanu nanu...nanite... nananaa...

Hardar (Level 2 Mage) Total XP: 2,832. Chopped up in Session 42 by a six armed demon statue as he held his Darth Vader Choking Grip spell long enough for his compatriots to escape an unwinnable battle. His dream to become the most evil being in the universe suffers eternally the indignity of being remembered for self sacrifice and laying his life down for his friends.

Alexa this is so sad play Luke Bryan "Drink a Beer" in honor of Hardar. so looooooong my friiiiend till we meeEEEeet agaaaaaain

RIP Hardar the Evil Mage
2022-2022