Introduction
Your D&D and TTRPG players are, on the whole, simply terrible. Let us count the ways:
1. Obsessed with Individual Initiative so they can control each step of their boring PC's dumb actions (when they deem to put their smartphone down for their turn)
2. Approach D&D as a videogame loot and XP treadmill so don't even roleplay beyond excising their middle school era power fantasies.
3. Crunch Doritos too loudly.
4. Whine when you rule against them.
6. Powergame in a way that flattens the game; having them "win" in the most boring way possible.
7. Don't read. The rulebook. The foundational fiction of Gygax's DMG Appendix N. Your texts to schedule the next session. They don't read!
It's honestly exhausting. When you review the truth of the above list you wonder how TTRPGs and D&D could have lasted as a game/hobby for over 40 years. Perhaps it was simply terrible birds of a feather flocking together. Or simply inertia of geeks continuing to do what they've always done. Or perhaps you, the DM, are just as terrible as them? 3
Perhaps you were but are trying to improve. If you're reading this blog and following the #BROSR, #BROXT, and the BROmerican Championship Tournament; you are definitely trying to improve your DMing. I thank you for being here and I thank you for trying to improve the hobby by looking in the mirror with how you can run a better, Real D&D campaign.
But your players are likely bucking up against you. They're whining your more Old School Game is too lethal. Or they'd rather just keep playing 5e than try something different (better) like 1e. Or they're pixel-complaining each of your Rulings as you struggle to run a better game.
Or, like Scutifer Mike's player in his AAR entry in the FINAL CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND of the BROmerican Championship Tournament, your player's would rather just play Get-Along-Gang TTRPGs with no stakes.
Or, like Obsessor in his AAR entry this week, you have a player who is so intent on "Winning" he's lost the plot on what Braunstein play is all about. Of what roleplaying is all about.
So, as you can see, you're not alone! All who strive for greatness are pulled down by those around them. Worst is when it's your friends! How can you possibly run a Real D&D game if your own D&D Friends don't even want it? You need to check out both BROmerican Championship Contendors' blogs this week; to find out. Both Obsessor and Scutifer Mike will show you how to keep your cool and cold like ol' Job.
Championship Matchup
Obsessor (3) vs Scutifer Mike (5)
It's all come down to this. The better of these two After Action Reports (AAR) will become the BROmerican Champion and Title Holder.
We will start with Obsessor's AAR which is titled "Convergence at Frog Temple". The other Bookers loved this session report. Robert "The Heel" Stephens said it "shows how easily anyone can run a Braunstein and that they don't have to put alot of time to prep for it". Very true. While reading this report it seems like much of the prep went towards putting a bunch of junk terrain features on Obsessor's table that PCs could navigate around during their long form PVP combat.
It also seemed like Obsessor's attention was needed in addressing his less than elite player who created the "powergamey" flying druid(s?) faction. Obsessor said "I pushed [the player] for justification [of] flying swords [which] are one of the strongest options available". Sadly when you let your players create all the Braunstein factions themselves, you'll probably need to argue with one or more of them to not be terrible.
As we discussed in my last blog and on the Dunder Moose Podcast, having ELITE players who know Appendix N, much of this can be avoided.
Even so, Booker Dunder Moose said Obsessor's AAR "knocked it out of the PARK! Put on an absolute clinic for the outsiders. Fun to read. Cutting edge with the 'goals aren't necessary' push". I mostly agree.
Obsessor didn't come to his Braunstein setup and prep with goals but he did let his players create them prior to the game so, I guess, he could score them to determine a winner. When I say that Braunstein's should have NO GOALS I mean it just that way. Players don't need to outline their goals in their character (faction?) generation. Much of Obsessor's "Setup" section of his AAR is given to analyzing if the Players made good pre-game goals for themselves.
Meanwhile, I still don't know what Chaz's goal is for the #BROXER "Type 2" Braunstein that is kicking off in 3 days!
Anyway, Obsessor goes on to describe how the four factions of his four Braunsteiners got into a big schmoz in a temple environment. If you want to see how an expert DM like Obsessor handles less than elite (read: terrible) players: Note how he allowed the other Players to take missile shots a the goofy powergamer "Cloud" dude who wanted to fly around and hide in clouds the entire Braunstein (ZZZZZZZZZ!)
Glad that guy LOST. Check out the AAR ASAP to see who won and how they did it!
Now let's analyze Scutifer Mike's AAR which is titled "We Burn Bright. They Burn Out". It starts strong by stating clearly "the BroXT have once again demonstrated that only they can handle anything beyond the superficial tabletop experience". So true!
Scutifer Mike quickly goes into his "Motherslop" AAR lamenting how, upon trying to run his own Type 2 Braunstein, he was immediately "met with resistance from a conventional player [who requested I] homebrew rules for ship building/upgrading [then deluged me with] Mother-May-I questions!"
What a disaster. Booker Bob Stephens said "CCP Scuti is correct about how players need correction when complaining and deserve less" and Booker Moose said "Scuti [is] really channeling Jeffro with the adherence to world over the gamers".
Read this session report if you want to understand how CCP Scuti kept his cool with his terrible player and, after bringing in the BROXT Superstars, was able to get his Braunstein on track. It's hilarious and helpful.
But which of these men delivered the best AAR report this week? Booker Bob Stephens and Booker Moose said... Obsessor!
Well that seems to wrap it up right? Two votes for Obsessor of the three Bookers for the BROXT and the BROmerican Championship tournament.
So congratulations are in order for...
WAIT. I'm the Head Booker! Know your role and shut your mouth. I deem SCUTIFER MIKE the winner of the BROmerican Championship Tournament.
For me, Obsessor's AAR made a major error in being overly long but, worse, overly long with COMBAT DETAILS! This didn't come off like a Braunstein to me. It came off like a boardgame which I recently dumped on during my Dundercast!
Obsessor had some great thoughts but the "outsiders" Moose thinks may come to Braunstein play thanks to this AAR would have been run off by all the detailed explanation of combat. Did Obsessor Braunsteiners ever even talk to eachother? Or did they just fight? This seems more like what Jeffro believed the Battle Braunstein would be (and wasn't) than what we now know a Braunstein is.
Scutifer Mike, on the other hand, kept his AAR pithy and got to the hits. He explained why his findings were important, analyzed them, was funny, and "went home". Obsessor had a 4 star match but Scutifer Mike brought a 4.5 star performance.
Also, Scutifer Mike wired me some CCP CASH DIRECTLY TO MY ACCOUNT. HAHAHA it was me Obsessor, it was me all along! Authority Figure BDubs runs the BROXT how he sees fit. Maybe if you get out your checkbook you'll get a rematch with CCP MIKE for BROasian Belt!
Until then, congrats to Mike for a fine performance during this tournament. I expect a workhorse champion and more Chipotle Bucks coming in right away. Booker Moose, eat your heart out. Because you're not getting another Burrito Bowl!
