Session played on 02/21/2024.
Participating PCs:
Daria: L9 Bladedancer, Lawful.
George of the Jungle: L4 Beastmaster, Neutral
Reaver: L5 Barbarian, Death Dealer, Neutral.
Rory: L5 Barbarian, Death Dealer, Neutral.
Tuck: L6 Barbarian, Neutral
Williow: L7 Mystic Warrior (Monk), Lawful.
Xanthos: L7 Cleric, Mendicant, Lawful. 
Hench:
George: Wolfie the Wolf 2+2 HD
Tuck: Duck the L4 Fighter, Ye the L4 Bard
Reaver: Thiefos the L1 Thief, Magos the L3 Mage
Rory: Subatai the L3 Nephilim
Xanthos: Ulysses L2 Explorer, Agenor the L4 Fighter, Nestor the L2 Venturer, Fang the Dire Wolf, Tigga the Phase Tiger
XP Pool for Fight 1 (all PC and hench participated): 920 and Treasure 1300 = 2,220
Total Cuts: 25
Hench Cut: 89
PC Cut: 178
XP Pool for Fight 2 (below list participated): 3,200
Participating: Daria, George, Reaver, Rory, Tuck, Willow, Xanthos. Duck, Magos, Subatai, Agenor, Ye.
Total Cuts: 19
Hench Cut: 168.
PC Cut: 337
Session Report
This week the party was back in the world of Dubzaron, no longer in Barsoom! They had a big prize out there being offered by a couple of Patrons: Kyle Oconner and Prefect Drakon.
Kyle wants someone to go delve deep into Queens Rest Mountain on the look out for some red (purple? idfk) twin peaks style curtains. Kyle wants this in connection with the witch he lost during #OPERATIONMUSCLETHUNDER
If they find it the PCs will likely be like the proverbial dog who catches the car since Celeste the Witch was lost to STORMBRINGER. Yes I crafted this hook with Kyle's player to dare him and my players to risk bringing the evil sword back to the World of Dubzaron. Or destroy it forever. Or throw it into some other DMs campaign (LOLOLO) or whatever.
Tonight they did NOT find it. This was the sort of session the BROSR calls a "milk run session". It was a bit of a bog standard dungeon delve but with some deep roots in past session, downtime and session play.
They set out from Kyle's city of Claymore Crossing to go to Forward Operating Base Queen; the FOB I mentioned on "Who Is Dundermoose" podcast that the patron built to encourage PCs to delve this dungeon. Check out the podcast today! It's much more interesting than this session report.
Along the way the PCs came across some giant dumb humanoid creatures with gray spiky horns up their arms. There were four of them and they were tearing up a local co-op garden the local barbaric folk had established for common use. This angered Reaver and Rory who were buds with the folk of Kyle's Clanhold so they charged.
The pcs chopped up these big brutes rather quickly and claimed the big sacks of cash they were carrying. They tried to find tracks back to the brutes' lair and found tracks. There was then player discussion on whether they were going to chase the hook to this possible lair (and big treasure horde) or keep going to FOB Queen and their main mission.
One PC cast some divination spell/ability to determine "how likely xyz would happen" and this was a nice way of them saving session time since I then checked for Lair percentage change at the end of the tracks. My house rules for worldbuilding tracking captured or killed monsters back to their lair for zeroprep play is as follows:
-PCs make a successful track on the captured or killed monster
-DM checks for Lair % chance but does not reveal to the players.
-DM divides average treasure amount in that lair by 1,000 and it is that many hexes away from civilization. 5,000 average gp = 5 hexes or 30 miles away from where they were fought. x2 if monster has flying.
-PCs travel following the tracks. Are told at end of first day of tracking if these tracks indicate a lair.
-PCs make a new track check each day of travel and lose trail to lair if they fail.
Elite Players always (ALWAYS) ask if the wilderness monster they just killed has a Lair nearby with an easier score. So now you can do it like me with zero prep. You're welcome.
The PCs didn't need to use up a day of travel, thanks to the Divination spell. So on to FOB Queen they went. They used a couple of Commune spells so Daria and Xanthos could ask their deities about the possible location of the purple curtain room. Xanthos's deity is the god of travel who I cast as Jack Sparrow who was walking around FOB Queen getting drunk as Xanthos prostrated before him and asked him questions. Daria's goddess Ianna rode a golden chariot down into FOB Queen causing a ruccus while Daria asked her about hair product and other airhead things between real questions.
After these quick, but fun, RP scenes; the party knew which of the three doors of the dungeon would be the closest to the room. And what sort of threat (mob or singular monster) they'd be most likely to see traveling to said room. The latter helped Daria choose which buff spells to cast on herself for max combat effectiveness. Gelatinous Rube would be proud.
There's not much to report beyond this which is why I gave you my Tracking to Lair rules above.
The Party traveled out to Queens Rest Mountain dungeon the next day, left some of their hench behind with the big gaggle of mercs, and marched up the volcano whose crater leads into the dungeon.
They traveled about 3 rooms deep into the dungeon (which is build into the northern wall INSIDE the volcano) until coming to a fight that kept them busy the rest of the night.
There were two big fat guy looking monsters (think Brendan Fraiser in his one a24 film) with huge stomachs which opened up with teeth. Their heads were pumpkins covered with eyes. It was a guy and girl monster so the girl monster got memed into being a big fat Zendaya. I guess "Dunc 2" was on everyone's mind.
When I mentioned they were eating a long centipede looking lizard thing when the party arrived the caller said "like lady and the tramp with the spaghetti" so that's of course what it became; much to the disgusted chuckles of all present.
These things had really high AC, high HP, and (most importantly to wasting session time) cast Confusion on about half the party in the 2nd round of combat. 
The whole fight slowed to a crawl as players needed to check for their Confused behavior each round. Hench and PCs began to fight, hard swinging barbarians stood stupefied now and then, and Xanthos the cleric was unable to cast powerful divine spells.
I don't remember all the details but even after both monster was dead the party members stayed confused and fought eachother; to some objection from the players. Rory was first to use wrestling moves to tie up his Confused henchman. Until Daria eventually cast Dispel Magic; which worked in getting everyone back to themselves.
The night had grown long and the party only went about one room deeper into the place while realizing they had adventured these rooms months and months back. The caller was annoyed no one could remember the rooms very well. Thankfully my own notes were pretty good; unlike my recent podcast of confusing Mayor Tuck of Fishton as Billy. Sorry, bud.
They came to a room with a big statue of Alicia the Sorceress Queen who harried the southern border of Dubzaron Prefecture over the summer. To the north was a big double doors that was locked by magic means that Daria was unable to Dispel so the party cut their losses and left the dungeon and went back to FOB Queen.
There were no random encounters on the way out or back, sadly.
PC Class Grades
Daria: L9 Bladedancer, Lawful: S for Superior. She danced with the blade and conferred with her goddess to fun rp and statistical effect. Not E as she could have saved the party's bacon (or moreso game time) with an early Dispel Magic of the Confuse effect.
George of the Jungle: L4 Beastmaster, Neutral. E for Excellent. I saw nothing egregious in the play here.
Reaver: L5 Barbarian, Death Dealer, Neutral. E for Excellent. Was brutal and death dealing.
Rory: L5 Barbarian, Death Dealer, Neutral. E for Excellent. Was also brutal and death dealing.
Tuck: L6 Barbarian, Neutral. E for Excellent. Brave and tough. Didn't back away from a fight or leave allies out to dry.
Williow: L7 Mystic Warrior (Monk), Lawful. E for Excellent for combat prowess and using the divination ability to save his party time on the tracking stuff. (I remembered who did it!)
Xanthos: L7 Cleric, Mendicant, Lawful. E for Excellent. The only times I would have got on him about spells not used he was confused. He healed when he should have.
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